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Show MyIFfflV(D)ipMJJIfeg by Jay Leno NOTE: Whenever possible during his college years Jay Leno was in New York or Boston doing stand-u- p comedy at small cafes and nightclubs, which is why for a 1973 college graduate he's already built up an impressive list of credits. He's entertained at New York's Improvisation, Bitter End, Downstairs at the Upstairs, at the Boston and New York Playboy Clubs, on local Boston TV and on Cincinnati's John Wade Show. Leno approaches much of his humor through description, so that if he's talking about a singles bar he'll conjure up the guy with "the styled hair, kerchief round his neck, bell bottoms, IBM data processing card in his breast pocket . . ." and you see his people vividly. But, when he talks about himself the monologue takes a turn to subtle parody: "I just got out of school in June," he says, "and I found that as I grew academically, I also grew immaturely. To I I that have an a sound idea, developed give yuU somewhere in the middle of the third grade and Ive adapted this sound to my various academic surroundings. It started out as the sound of a model airplane Id sit in back of the class and sputter, level I made it a sputter sputter. On the like an electric more mature sound, something razor. On the college level I became more abstract, and started doing things like bees caught in screens." So much for progress. Here is Leno commentary on other phenomena of life in these United States: are great. You sit in the comfort and of your own car, and right in the middle of privacy the movie, just as you get to the part where the hero is about to escape, you hear "Giant meatball sand- And you can't get a reguwich now at lar bar of candy. You always have to buy something like "Mountain O' Chocolate'' 15 pounds of goo wrapped in tin foil for $40. EDITOR'S Drive-in- Cafo-rama- ol hate newsmen who use certain adjectives. "There was another senseless killing early today in Manhattan." Senseless as opposed to what? A sensible killing? A man was beaten and robbed of 99 cents in a senseless killing, but on the other side of town there was a sensible killing for $100! I And, I frte weathermen who like to tease you with the weather, 't's 20 minutes after 11. You've been watching the news for 20 minutes, you want to know the weather so you can go to sleep. They First the anchorman come in with the big one-line- r. that about says, "Well, wraps up the Washington just ." I love tire ads. They always say something like size. Now two tires for $4 in the popular 650 that is a popular size if you drive a wheelbarrow. 13-in- ch found out there's a school that trains people to become actual members of audiences. Yes, it's true. saw an ad for this school that goes like this, "Hi, there! I'm sure everyone of you has said to yourself at one time or another. I'd like to be a member of a TV audience, but don't have the skill, or coordination to laugh and applaud properly. Well, in two short months I'll teach you to laugh at roll in the aisles with Cavett, and yuk it up with Merv Griffin. I'll teach you to laugh and cavort on cue just like the famous audiences you've seen on I ... high-scho- s I talk-sho- I w Car-so- Report Ted, what's the weather?" "Well, I wouldn't get those swim trunks out just yet, Jim. Good night" wonder where marriage is going. Take for example, that commercial where the husband is so inI secure that he cant even tell his wife she makes a lousy cup of coffee. The wife asks, "More coffee, honey?" "No, thanks, dear, I think I'll just get . apartment downtown." television so many times before. "Take this simple test at home to see if eligible. Put a piece of gum in your mouth it. Now try walking. If you can chew it while walking you're eligible to be a member of show audience." The divorce rate today is so high. My parents have been married for 39 years, and how many young couples can say they've been married 39 years? you're chew you're a talk-,- ., n spent the first 10 years of my life in an all kids' where the grandneighborhood parents spoke little or no English. To me, grandparents were never to be understood you just nodded at them. The biggest shock of mv life came when we moved to Massachusetts. A girlfriend introduced me to her grandmother. After nodded, her grandmother said in perfect English, "How are you today?" Suddenly got panicky. "Debbie," I cried, "w.io is this woman and vnat have they done with your real grandmother?" I The big push now is to tell you how to save gas. One company says if you're taking a long trip cut your driving speed by 80 percent and turn your car clock ahead 8 to 10 hours. It may seem like it's taking you longer, but according to your automobile you'll be saving time. n, Italian-Jewis- I I Mg To LsiPIhi B. SCHOCHET "Everyone's learned to talk, but no one's learned to listen." 23 |