Show 3 TIIE SALT LAKE TRIBUNE SUNDAY MORNING JUNE 1931' 28 about fathers 'ANNIE HURST has her say Fit How Does He Into Average His Position Not So Defined Family? flings herself unrestrainedly This business of the position of father In the American home la not so clearly defined as Is the Immaculate and polished throne occupied by mother Bhe And so insidiously sults the and deserv so because tell your VJ there la l But to get back to this business of Fannie Hunt father Where does he get on or off the band wagon of the family picture? ions Often it would seem that he does not get on it at all and If he does achieve It has a way of being subtly pushed off How much of what can often be the somewhat equivocal poaltlon of father in the hearts of hla children is due to mother how much to the children and how much $o father himself? - schooled themselves in this characteristic of stoicism exercised patriarchy over their children and left the soft indulgences to their women Some sort of racial hangover seems to iphlblt many men who while they hurt nd rankle inside and even hunger for some of the desr delights their children showef upon the mother are nevertheless inhibited by a frozen sort of attitude toward this softer side of domestlo life Children who respect their father and admire him often respect admire and love their mother No they’re not sold at the five stores yet done up in glazed and-ten-ce- nt paper Uke hairnets or peanut brittle rbut they will be “pretty eoon mar- riages and divorces If this sort of thing — keeps up Divorce weeks In six If you go to Just a pleasant stay at one of the magnificent new hotels or on 4 the borders of glor-jloLake Tahoe— knd there you are There never has ’been any thing like it But In the end Jdivorce will destroy marriage There Is Kathleen Norris no other way Note It isn’t easy divorce" that is destroying marriage It is divorce in any form You can't have it at all and not have all of it You cant have divorce for serious reasons and not have it for all reasons It's like licensing murderai or certain forgeries or certain cases or slavery Once let one In and you let them all In This Is what some of the advocates of divorce haven't seen coming and they are still In a state of innocent surprise Nevada over It They still feel that easy divorce Is somehow scandalous and alarming and difficult divorce defensible In grave cases they say Infidelity 'V'9 Vif frX- light lighted the sunlight And back comes the feather boa to Join the ranks The way It has come to life In Paris makes the wearer look as though she had stuck her bright and shining head through the fluffiness of a brand new cloud! These modem boas slip over the head like Schiaparelli's novel coat dollars Tinted He Is busy and dignified hangover C ' The Invisible Barrier —and it is usually the handiwork of Father himself writes Miss Hurst For while secretly hungering for the unrestrained affection which the children shower upon mother his dignity and standoffish attitude set him apart — out of the cherished circle white lies in order to save them reprimand conspires against his knowing ficult and hard sledding does not contribute toward an equalization of the adoration with which a youngster can regard his mother as compared to the restrained attitude he has developed toward his dignified father The father who feels cheated and chilled and defeated because his children do not confide In him may well look to hie dignity but In the sense of lopping some of It off The woman who secretly takes sides with her children tells her husband The third ingredient is the magic one The third ingredient puts the patlne the gloss the glamour the beauty across the relationship of parent and child Not Just the love bom out of respect and admiration but the love bom out of that close sympathetic flow of unrestrained end Inhibited warmth end tenderness of which a woman Is Unashamed Dignity is pretentious The dignity that isolates Itself in an ice field of aloofness which makes approach dif certain of their human erring little ' l( i and a deference that will keep youngsters within bounds And so a man who hungers for the demonstration of his children feels hurt slighted discriminated against as he contemplates the sweet uninhibited relationship between them and their mother and draws more and more within the shell of his dignity A boy unburdens himself to his mother and approaches his father with reticence and dread A girl respects admires and secretly adores her father and de- sires is combating those same Inhibitions The head of the family is trying to Isolate himself Into a state of the kind of dignity he feels Incumbent upon the head of the family Let the women appear so much putty In the hands of their children If they f of the household at least must must maintain a discipline a respect one-hal- or Insanity or chronic drunkenness— surely surely divorce Is different from these horrible modem divorces for Incompatibility' or mental cruelty or the desire to remarry In some states they argue “you can only get a divorce on really eerious grounds" And so on and so on But it isn't logical For either marriage is marriage or it Isn’t If It is it precludes all that— infidelity and cruelty and drunkenness and insanity Are nothing to it It la marriage— like motherhood or blind- ness or the state of being alive It spreads a majestlo mantis over anything that can happen illness poverty covered by the limitless everything word "worse" until the biggest word of all "death" That’s marriage And marriage is nothing else Marriage Is not a contract entered into until you choose for good or for bad reason to end It Motherhood isn't an experiment until you see whether you've got a good healthy baby and whether you like him or not losing a limb Isn't Just strapping on a false limb for a trial and reassumlng the good live one after six weeks in Nevada a few years later y So that Nevada's action and the action of other rival states in this business and the discussion In my own state of the abolishment of the Interlocutory year are not shocking to me Rather these states have acted with perfect loglo and common sense "If wets to have divorce at all let’s go in for It In a big way” Is their attitude and den friends books associations family ties She has nothing to gain by steering' clear of all these But In the purely legal marriage that companionate marriage that Is a mere license for sex relationship it Is perfectly obvious that any sensible woman will avoid those entangling responsibilities that will only complicate the break it on the old hard beautiful heroic lines "for richer or poorer” for better or worse In sickness and in health until death do us part They are going to discover that Instead of the waste epaces and the shifting sands that are divorce even an unsuccessful marriage can be made to blossom like the roee When you can't Inasmuch as this attitude may hasten to clear up the whole disputed question they are to be thanked Once marriage is reduced to a purely legal relationship as easily dissolved as contracted then a nation begins to discover as Russia Is discovering with sensational speed that men and women quickly reach the point when they dig The married woman whatever quick-divor- ’ her trials k f toward a definite end The divorced r woman y to match paatel evening frocks they are the loveliest adornment possible for summer To set a summer table In the garden or the dining room where the sunshine strikes It with glassware In different colors is to make yourself a rainbow without having to have the rain tables with no two tumblsrs salad plate or crystal forks alike in color are ravishing beyond the delicacy of the food and drink they contain first-Bridg- Snakeskln belts wrap around trim waists and bite their tails to stay in place Instead of a buckle their Jewel eves do the shining and tiny silk fangs make them very realistic Real snake-sk- in ties are smart for men They are lined with silk and are shown in the shops along the Rue de la Palx and at the famous Place Vendome Gloves for summer with kid on the outside of the hand and cool soft net on the Inside are done either in one color or contrasting ones Flesh color for the net and black or navy for the kid Is a popular and amusing combination is too oftfll completely 1931 by King (Copyright k Features in marriage carried happiness for both men and women an unsuccessful through to a happy ending by sheer force of courage common sense and mutual dignity and respect than in 10 divorces There Is no such thing as Wresting happiness from happiness or victory from victory1 Happiness muat be won from doubt and sorrow and victory from defeat if they are to mean anything In our lives Many a happy wife and mother of 35 or 40 looks back in humble gratitude at her old turbulent wretched misunderstood self thanking God that her conception of marriage did not permit her to run away from her life’s work But It Is strange to notice with how little satisfaction the divorced look back —or Indeed look forward Our children will grow to a cheated and deceived man and womanhood if they believe that they can conquer the difficulties of life by evading them To live only for pleasure— for cars and dances clothes and country clubs games and trips and flattery and novelty and excitement is never to find pleasure at ail Worthwhile lives are always heroic and honest lives and no hero-- no scientist or discoverer or genius no great teacher or healer or saint started out with a bland attempt to be always i “happy” With euCh action as that Of the Reno courts we see the chasm widening between the two camps the yean are going to show us more and more clearly that divorce Is not the eolution There ls no happiness In It no health ip it no answer But for every true marriage every marriage accepted as a sacrament and a vocation there Is a happy way out No matter what the difficulties the clouds the mistakes of its beginning the earth is solid under the feet of the man and woman who must pull together Gradually the compensations begin their pride in their home their children their Increasing Influence In the their Increasing patience community their friends their and books their very stability— all thesa have their weight The married woman whatever her trials is working toward a definite end Ths divorced woman is too often completely adrift It would be Interesting to study the lives of say three thousand women who had gotten divorce on any grounds at all and three thousand others who had fought on through “unhappy” marriages The statistics In terns of plain human happiness pride success Interest In life hope forgiveness patience character love might give us something to talk about self-contr- e pens with legality entirely With condition! auch ae Russia has established why should anyone bother to etand In line either for eoealled marriage on dl- vorce? I say marriage because this sort of thing isn't marriage And slowly the nation' thinking men and women are going to see the line of demarcation between this hodgepodge way of doing things and the higher finer way Real marriage is going to continue to exist through this phase of our national affairs — certain men anJ certain women are going to continue to maintain " ‘ escape a thing you begin to make the-beof it and the best of even a poor marriage has more happiness in It than the best of any divorce for a woman ' Women want to be useful beloved busy they want a husband and children beside them These are their fundamental needs A nation that refused divorce would be a kind nation to women Not In every case but In nine out of ten When marriage Is a sacrament taken a vocation it is very different from the very beginning from any mere legal relationship subject to sudden termination A woman wants children in real marriage she wants a home and a g&r- as whea It comes foredoomed to It would fc our boys into And such a marriage Is fall cheaper for us to train high Ideals of husband-hooand fatherhood and to try to make fine wives and mothers of our girls It would be cheaper to put prayer self sacrifice courage goodness Into permanent marriage than to continue to make the dissolution of homes and nurseries and married folk easier and easier Cheaper to the general welfare cheapen In money wiser In every way Apart from the moral and theological aspects of the matter there Is more self-contr- t d and syndicate Inc ) -- adrift r constrained with being male head of his tribe Sentiment and show of it are the realm of women- Perhaps with time and wisdom this old taboo will die the silly death of absurdity and inhibitions created by a false sense of dignity will go down before the greater wisdom that In this case Is the woman's The man whose home Is divided into two camps— the mother and children and himself Is cheating himself and being cheated by bis family The royal road to his children's hearts is his for the asking Just as surely as it is the woman's Too often he will not ask WAY With MARY KNIGIIT or In - Oft Window Shopping in Paris PARIS June 27 (UP)— Crystal chandeliers have bloomed in Paris and they hang frOm the eetling like great clusters of flowers or rest against ths walls In baskets of transparent splendor Tinted the shades of natural flowers and leaves they look real beyond belief either in the daytime or at night The electric globes are very skillfully concealed so there is no “seeing behind the scenes” to spoil the perfection of the Illusion For the boudoir there sue single gorgeous flowers on long green stems that stand on either side of s dressing table mirror boutonnieres and little with crystal frills that are a sheer de- Father Is to be “approached" You Just go to mother Father will not let hia?-se- lf laugh or cry easily Mother’s emo-tlon- s synchronize with her children’s Inevitably the household begins to whirr about the central figure of easy mercy Often the admiration for the father may transcend that for Admiration and respect Mother Is a dear Father Is my Ideal And yet deep in his heart father Is hungry for what his children shower upon the woman of his choice who somehow has within her the Uninhibited capacity to be one with these youngsters It is natural that Mother’s day should capture the fancy of the world and Father’s day in spite of efforts to agitate such a movement lag lamely up the rear ’and never quite arrive Father Is still Inhibited with racial the-mothe- KATHLEEN NORRIS ASKS father!" Mother's Is the shoulder upon which to weep Mother who cares not a rap for dignity will mingle her tears with theirs Mother whose vast good will toward her youngsters' Is no paster than father’s Is the reoiplent of confidences fears hopes secrets desires and ambit- C What is the answer to the rather standoffish attitude of father where his nest is concerned? It Is not improbable that the male in his desire to clearly establish with his children his dignity and aloofness as compared to the liberties they are allowed with their mother bends loo far backward in bis effort to desentlmental-iz- e much of the overcharged demonstrative atmosphere which the mother introduces into the home A man somehow feels it incumbent upon himself to withhold what can come so naturally from the lips and behavior of a woman Savage and primitive men cruelly there refather The man who Jeft-ou- t provides and provides well wants passionately the welfare of his offspring sacrifices and donates toward that end and yet subtly fsleft on the frigid rim of that household "Don't tell father!" or “Jf I were to edly motherhood at its worst Is tinctured with something a bit sublime and at lta best Is Just about the best thing " the into arms of her mother securely5 Is there Clearly (Copyright 1931 Syndicate by the Bell IncJ -- |