Wasatch Mountain Times | 1995-07-01 | Page 7

WASATCH MOUNTAIN TIMES If You’ve Got Dimples, I’m In Love < > Gag by Randy Hanskat with cheerful sympathy tells her, illustrating stance through the long evening, and grip and poker, each detail of the day’s round—then, swing with me You Can Love! while he Nas the kitchen I say unhesitatingly, | the oldest times; but there are higher, nobler things than love. little as six months, trained as a massage massage schools. —P.G. A Woman Is Only A Woman, a positive lives by learning a caring and healing profession A @ AMTA/COMTAA accredited programs EV OL, GF # Nationally accredited through ACCET Wiywv+e © Financial aid available to those who qualify AGGETS @ 6 month but a hefty drive is a slosh. Wodehouse, Make difference in peoples’ ip is only a woman, you could be therapist at UCMT, one of the nation’s top he had better leave it alone. Love has had a lot of press-agenting from woman ees SE A Lifestyle If the object of his affections is not the kind of girl who will listen to him DOP Ha er 1922. randy iskal epamst ; LO 730 hr. day or 1 year 712 hr. evening kid picking tor-thing), I a long way, over where ter, I found up the balls in that tracfound I could hit the ball albeit with little control it was headed. No matthe feat rather cool. G” isn’t a game. Golf isn’t a sport. Golf is a way of life. The quote above makes no sense to those who can't differentiate between a mulligan and a birdie, but to those who play the game, it makes perfect sense. Those of you who don’t play the game scoff. Golf? Ha! Chasing a ball around a pasture is the stuff of fools. Why not hike, run, play Parcheesi for God’s sake? But not golf! What of the fertilizer, the wasted land, the general stupidity. To those I say, hang in, read on. page, ready to move on, but before you go let me make a point or two. First, the exercise thing—a round of golf, walking, covers roughly six to seven miles. And don’t forget you are toting a bag weighing roughly 15 to 20 pounds. I speak not for the loser/moron/dolt/lazy slob who takes a cart. Those are not true After golfers. Those mentalist, I am an as those ardent of you environwho read this pulpy matter may have seen from past columns. I see few issues of more importance than those environmental. But, still, I cheer when a new golf course is plotted on land that could be pure wetland. Why? Say that I would rather see a golf course than a subdivision. Say a golf course is easy on the eye, when compared to a micro-chip assembly line. Say anything you like, but that isn’t it. I’ve got the bug. Simple as that. I would quit my job, eat cat chow three times a day (maybe four), and sleep in a sand trap beside the #14 green, just to play golf every day. Sure, I was once like you, the naysayer.. I thought golf was for those who wanted to dress like pimps, took their exercise in short walks, and had more money at birth than I will ever have accumulated throughout an entire life. I even lived in Florida, golf capital of the free world. Then I moved to Park City, played shortstop on a local softball team, and started playing golf with the rest of the team when not on the diamond. Despite my previous expe- rience (hitting range balls at the University of Florida, appropriately liquored up and trying to brain the Go to Ireland now thumb are fat American or Scotland, but I could never dunk I had bogey that one the next instance, program hole, that one shot, when I was as good an anyone on this Earth. words the That’s a feeling beyond that’s the essence hat’s what will of golf keep me out on the putting green, waiting to get out, anxious spent, to be eager to cough footsore up my and $14 for the chance to do it all over again. And that’s why, if your wife or girlfriend won't listen when you tell her of such exploits, you look at her funny and you question if she was OVS COO) BB XC kOe MASSAGE*THERAPY Call [phone] for enrollment information and a 1995 catalogue or stop by our facility. UCMT ¢ 25 South 300 East Salt Lake City, UT 84111 such a good choice after all. @ pigs. where golf began, and you can’t even find a golf cart, much less play a course which makes you take one. If you're a golfer, you wall and carry your bag. If you take a cart, go have another Twinkie. As for fertilizer — sure golf courses use the stuff — what do you use on your yard? End of discussion. hy is golf so heroin-esque, so downright addictive one would be thrilled to bring home $11,004 a year giving lessons at some dumpy municipal, just so they could play all the damn time? Maybe it’s that while I could shoot a free throw like Michael Jordan, double ‘Bingham LP Gyclery~ Ses hk 2S 1 For Ihe Suspended like him. ee all, Non-golfers I may Maybe it’s that while I could occasionally field a softly hit grounder like Cal Ripken, I could never hit a four-foot breaking curve like him. Maybe it’s that while I could catch a ball like Jerry Rice in a pickup game, I could never take a hit from Jack The Specialized Rockhopper is trail-ready for riders from beginner to playfully aggressive off-roaders. Testride Tatum. It's different on the course. When I nail a drive and it sails 300 yards, that’s every bit as good as Jack Nicklaus can do. When I hole a wedge from 135 yards out, Lee Trevino probably couldn’t match it. When I drop an 85-foot three-break putt, Ben Crenshaw would applaud. PAGE Salt Lake City 1370 South 2100 East [phone] Sunset 2317 North Main [phone] yton 110 North Main [phone] 7 one Ioday Ogden 3259 Washington Blvd., [phone] Midvale SPECIALIZED. 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