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Show Opinion Cty March 14, 2003 The Summit County Bee Page A2 Tell Me About It INVADE SWITZERLAND FIRST BY It's kinda weird, but I've been accused of being an average American. So. before any more wild talk starts, let me in explain order to clear up an opinion that I've heard a lot of different' thinkers are kicking around. It goes like this: Forget Iraq. Invade Swilerland. (let the money, 'cause that's where most of it is. So, because most of us Americans are worrying ourselves all sideways about the costs of the war and especially in knowing that we'll need all the mnola in the world to rebuild that desert paradise alter we finish demolish' ing it, we need to establish our beach-head- , not on. hut in the banks of Switzerland. Right on! Iractically all of this battle-planne- d world's dictators, tyrants, and other aberrant rulers of countries have all hud their personal, secret hank ntad-me- n captive-citize- n accounts in Switzerland hanks. II America were to ''appropiinic" all these funds we'd have all the money we needed to replenish our Iraqi War Budget, and also remodel what's left of Iraq alter we finish (lie war. So. here's plan 'A': Switzerland first, then Iraq. Got it? luilch on to this: We may not even need to risk the lives of any of our troops. All we'd need is to borrow the ll.S. Army's newest, awesome helicopter - the gigantic MI-2Martin Sheen Cl V's tti-Wing President) could be in charge. Fqmppcd with Sylvester Arnold a dozen or so Swarlzenegger. Stalonc and t checkers and baggers from (to handle all the loon, two Wal-Mar- I ION SIMIS1IR with calculators (for accounting purposes), and a camera crew, we'd he in and outla there before the morning papers hit the streets. . . or before the could Swiss C'ops say, SuvrvulilrugilistiLCxpcalidnshus.' I think it's a gre jit idea. 'Course I haven't run it by Rumsfeld yet. hut I think he'd like it. He talks about 'old Europe, and Switzerland is about as old as Europe gets. But one clue he'd is that we grab, real quick-likwouldn't need a to cover expenses. Once we transferred the St balances from Swiss writing into our American script, we'd have all the money. You could look at it as sort of a prepaid-wa- r installment. Iley, and we could continue giving most of the countries left in this world all the foreign aid they'd care to ask for. 'cause, then, we'd he loaning them their ow n money. And since it has become customary to not pay buck American loans, w lin'd worry about it'.' It's only fair, cause Swiss banks are where these countries stash their cash, alter which they then use ours. Yeah, just a whole lot ot errant leaders hijack bushels guys e, of their countries' money into their own personal accounts while, simultaneously, putting the touch on America lor 'aid." Diplomatically, we could argue that we weie merely 'liberating' our own money - maybe even describe it as a soil of legal out own cash. laun-dciing'- I'll hull, this plan has real poienti.il, 'cause it eliminates most of the concerns and danger about incadmg Iraq laiok at it this wav: Switzerland's army is miniscule, in i.icl even their civilian police loicc is very limited, so opposition would be nil. They have no deserts, therefore no unbearable desert temperatures -just mountains, with lots of snow in the winter (hut winter's now over). Plus; tall, majestic mountains mean more scenic combat areas (so nobody'll gel bored). Alsu, Ihey have no booby-trap- s (just pretty, demure young women), a lot of guys in short pants - and. uh. a few yodelers. They have no chemical or biological gunk slashed anywhere, no WMD's. no nukes, and (another plus) they don't bonier Turkey, so scratch the access worry (and whack allot tier gob of foreign aid money off the old war budget). The overall picture is nothing short of encouraging. Admit it. sparring with the Swiss would be much easier than sparring with the Iraqi's. Yeah, we could handle that easily. Besides, this way the only country getting mad would be little old Switzerland, and they'd gel over it once we jailed all their hankers for collaborating with the enemy.' But we've gotta hurry, cause we've only got until March 17th. That's the next U. N. dead line for Saddam to 'comply.' But. then, that's an old tune. The U.N. plays it a lot. saqie words, same chorus (France, Russia. China). . . only thing new is the dates. Mask1 the problem is that Iraq doesnt know the procedure involved in surrendering. Maybe Ihey should ask somebody who's had lots of experience at it . . . like France . . . whose last battle won lor them was by Napoleon. But that was before lie marched into Russia. 1 bought for the day: I have found you an argument; I am not obliged to find you an understand ing." Dr. Samuel Johnson. I7()'M7S4 mm m tarryscorrorjnft.com Continued from page .4 1 Itegional News Notes Senior Tour Aiinimnml k A fun senior citizen tour w ill kid lor eight days and seven nights - June 14 to tk 21st for those aged SS . years and olik-r- 'Hie lour will inclutle visits to Independence Rock, Martins Cove, Rapid City, South Dakota. Ml. Rushmore, Devils lower. Cody. Wyo.. Casper. Wyo. and Jackson Hole, Wyo. Registration must completed by March 31. For more information contact Julie (Pace) Ekncss at the Summit County Courthouse or any county senior center. k I'liithilln Slake llelief Nmirlv llirllttlnv (Vleliniliun of Me" is the theme chosen by the Coalville Slake Relief Society for their birthday celebration which will kid .Saturday, March 13. in the Coalville Stake Center kginning at 10 a.m. Guest speaker will served following tk proHelen B.l hiriut of the Relief Society General Board. A light luncheon will Dress gram. Sunday Requested. k k k Itiiiif Ymlnl fur l.uiiir linage Tnitivpiirlafiuii Plan The I'lah Depuilmcnl of Truiispoitation d'DOT) invites Coalville residents to voice their concerns regarding transput latum issues in their area. A representative from the I 'DOT Long Range in Coalville soon to give a presentation. ' Planning office will will I'DOT explain its decision, making process, will answer questions and will solicit continents regarde iranspnrtution needs during a meeting to be held on tk following date: Monday, March 17. ing 7:00 p.m.. Planning Commission meeting. City Hall, 10 N. Main St. l'DOT is currently working on the transput laiioti 2030 Plan.' iiitcinlcd for completion by Decemkrof 2003. The plan will serve as CIXJT's guide for li.uisporl.il ion investments in and along Utah's 6,000-nulhighway system. Comments regarding slate transportation systems in atul around Coalville can made at tk meetings, as well as by mail: Utah I Vpt. of Tiaiispoiiation. Transportation 20.30, Box 143600, Salt Lake City, UT 84 1 14; 4120; and on tlXJT's long tange plan web site: www.udol.ulah.govpnigdevArans2030. by phone, XOI-Citizen involvement is critical as I 'DOT prepares to evaluate and prioritize the slate's transportation needs. long-rang- e k long-rang- Pam s PLace am writing this As I ailicle. the lineal of war is ciivii I a t i n g through the airwaves and Itcyond Along with everyone else, my heart is sick at the thought while trying to maintain the beliet that our couuliy leaders know more nl the entire piclme than we do. As with most events, there are two sides to every sloiy including this one. I am personally gralilied to know that I don't know all the facts, the ones I do know are bail enough. The pride I feel in tlie conduct of those serving our country is real that is a fact that I will admit freely and readily. I felt so much emotion as I recently watched a news cast on television that showed a city in Utah that was sending 16 young men who giadu ated together and had alw ay s Ivcu friends. Talk about an emotional evening for those involved. According to a few they interviewed on camera, they wen. feel ing a lot of pride that evening, especially those veterans o earlier service experience. It has been inletcsting to watch the change from get the dudes" when tlie planes hit the twin towers and made Americans feel vul ncrahlc to (lie defenseless feelings we experienced, to having actors and actresses and crowds of citi- zens speak out against our President and those in high posi- lions or command. Why do it so soon" is one outcry king made, when in reality it has been almost a year and a half since our world changed. Another sad thing to me is that so many are putting their lives on the line for our freedom while many are speaking out against tlie things Ihey are fighting for. In order for us to continue to enjoy those freedoms, we need to support our leaders and hope and pray for the best. That perspective was brought home to me when I spoke with a couple of mothers whose sons or il.uiglilers were going to be called up lot active duty. Due said it is so sad to me that both sides are in the position o losing loved ones all because ol the ikvds of a lew b.id people. I am grateful that our sci vice people are receiving training skills that may save their lives." Another one commented unless you have been involved with someone in the military you can't imagine just how tar reaching the situation goes." Altei leading stones and articles about some of the struggles being cudnicd by the family mcni-hci- s of those being called up to serve, my piayeis go out to them. So many youngsters are king left with laiiuly members when both of then patents leave at the same lime, giaduations are missed, bu Unlays must he remembered Irom alar, a new lifestyle for young iiioihcis with small halves or teenagers who aie coping as well as they can. (iuess this is where neighbors and liiemls along with lamily members can play an importaiil mle in helping them as the need sui laces. Perhaps wc could lake a minute to call those whose loved ones will he gone hum home or take a meal into the home or oiler to baby sit occasionally. Or. sit down a write a letter tilled with nice thoughts or funny sayings, (iuess this is where our talents will suiface as we think of things we can do to help. I think it is interesting to know that other countries do not want to help us knowing that if they needed America we would there for them. America always seems to giving hand outs for llmsc in need while Ihey turn their hacks when we need them. I am very proud to be an American and pray that our counblessed in Ikir try leaders will decision making. And, at the risk of making some people upset, I hope (i()l) w ill continue to watch over und bless this great land we call home. Moving along, several of my family went to the airport on Sunday to bid my son. Russ a fond farewell as he returned home to his employment in Alaska. It has ken so much fun having him visit for a month. After this little good-by- e k k k 25-ye- c k trip and the emotions tell then. I know it is going to even more difficult to let our d.iughter-ilaw. Jennifer and those four grandkids gel on their flight home in a k n lew-week- I was actually doing well at the aii port and keeping my feelings under control, knowing full well I could break dow n later in tlie i ar. Tkn I looked across tlie room and in the middle of the crowded airport I noticed a Irieiul whose son had passed away recently. When she asked why we were there I immediately realized how blessed I am to able to give my son a hug and talk with him by phone or email and v isit a few times a year. Her tears brought on mine and we hugged und no more winds weie needed, for as mothers we connected. Thought for the week is actually two this week. !.ilc is lake a River" lari it carry you. not knowing where it will take you und you will journey to amazing places; Or stay on tlie shore, know ing for suiv where you will k. ami you will go k nowkre." Hang On-- As you travel through life there urc always those times....When decisions just have made. Wkn tlie clioices are to Attention Ail Veterans, Widows and Dependents Editor: A Field Service Officer from the Veterans of Foreign Wars (VFWi. Department Service Office, in Salt Lake City, will in your atea to assist you in understanding and aplmg lor VA benefits, rightful pieparing and documenting application for compensation, pension, hospital tzaiion and otlier kncfits. Ibis is a fiee service and veterans need not mcmkis ol the Veterans of Foreign W'uis to qualify for assistance. The VI AV Field Service Ollicer will wuiking out ol tlie Woikloree Service Center Ogden located at 4X0 27lh Slice! Irom 1:30 p.m. to 3.00 p m on April k k k II. k seem hard, and solutions scarce. ...And the rain seems to soak your parade There urc some situations wkre Sincm-ly- , totiOpw vit w- - DtmcjiT g The New r. Ai-- m Summit County Bee Drop Point in Kamas Phil s Photo Lab 185 S. Main Suite B 783-34- 56 II. Michael Jensen Service Officer all you can do.. ..Is simply let go and move on. ...Gather your courage and The Summit County lice tlTSl WS HO) n puMidii-- weekly lor fix pet choose a direction That carries you toward a new dawn. Have a super week. . . See ya next time. J ill Summit County, Senior vi-i-ii Cuiu'ii ill Wihiiii. fit in cmifiiv. I v tV.iue hibllshtnr Inc., IH Somli, 100 Xet, liefer Cuv. UT MOW. IVoisIh.iIv Totiaer Iaiil at (.'luleille, IT MO 7. 1'OVniASl l.R. Send ud.lrevs i li.ineev io The Summit County Hce, I'.U box 7.i:.wlville,l''l MO 7. 1 Got a News Tip? 1 1 Ihv entire contents of this per is Copyright news-- ) 0 2002 The Summit County Hep Wive Publishing, Iik, All rights reserved. Callus today! andor No part of this publication may be reproduced in any form without the written consent of the Managing Lditor or Publisher. 336-550- 1 i t |