OCR Text |
Show rolled around in a dead carcasses, and my wife 12 Days of Christmas You have sent me on a search for the Holy yeah. It was spent trying to figure out why if ONE light goes out, they ALL go out! Who is the genius that invented that? Isnt that like if one light in the house goes out all the rest of the lights in the house goes out? If you get one flat tire, do the rest go flat? The fourth day of Christmas we spent sending Christmas t bounced five checks this year... all to the church. On the fifth day of Christmas, I couldn't find a parking at the sun for a few minutes. want to see lights, let me whack you in the head. On the third day of Christmas. What happened on the third day of Christmas? Oh You well as u want to see lights, stare On thtf first day of Christmas, my too kind and loving wife said to me, Go ye hither and find the perfect Christmas tree!" She just Grail. There are no perfect trees left. Sure, you can cut the top off one at the Temple, but that means Ill have to go talk to the Bishop or cops or both. On the second day of Christmas, she said, Rig up the lights." For 20 years I have been able to resist the urge to rig up lights. You want to see lights, go to Temple Square. place at the mall. I dropped everyone off and circled the parking lot until it was time to change my oil again. Have you ever seen anyone come out ofthe mall? No one ever leaves the mall, they go in. ..they never come out. On the sixth day of Christmas, I was elated when I saw a very loud bratty kid terrorizing his mother and collapsing on the floor in the mall and throwing a tantrum in the THE SAN JUAN RECORD Wednesday, December 18, 2002 - ftific 1 1 mas, I watch a hundred hours of TV specials looking for a football game. They want us to catch the Christmas spirit so every channel has a Hallmark Special or Touched by an Angel rerun. Why doesnt Walker, Texas Ranger have a Christmas special? On the eleventh day of break. When I buy a car the motor is included; seems logical doesnt it? But when I buy toys, batteries are not included. In other words, it doesnt work. I am sure the idiot that invented Christmas lights also invented Batteries Not Included". On the eighth day of Christmas, the kids start dismantling the house trying to find credit card company gave to me the Christmas, my monthly statement. It was five pages long and I had a heart attack. They sent me a letter the next day increasing my credit limit. On the twelfth day of their presents. They shake, each poke, prod and x-r- ay package. On the ninth day of Christmas, I fight with the Salvation Army bell ringer. Listen you I store screaming, wanna cheap no good for nothing Christmas my too kind and scrooge, keep your nickel, we loving wife gave me a lecture Play Station 2 for Christmas!! I quit laughing when I realize dont want it! Oh yeh. Hey about being a scrooge. She told it was one of my kids. buddy. Ill give you $5 if you me, You really need to try and On the seventh day of quit ringing that bell and $1 if enjoy the holiday season!" I muttered to her, Christmas, I read Batteries you get out of the way!" On the of tenth Christ Not Included. Give me a day cards and writing the ever popular Christmas Brag letter. This year my dad drove his four wheeler into the new monument, Bubba went deer hunting from his deck, my 411 animal took dead last, my dog i BUSINESSlDIREGiTORiYHBUSINESSIDIREGiTORiY P 435-587-30- C 435-459-00- Billy 81 Monticello. Lie. UT Custom Hand - Guided Machine Quilting 84535 4975808-555- 1 Si1 MALOY MASONRY INC. Brick 1' Stone Block State-Of-The-A- 9:00-1:3- 0 Thurs: 4:00-7:0- 0 Fri: 9:00-1:3- 0 - 800-721-18- 70 'UK GRASS Alignments Service & Maintenance Air Brakes Exhausts Conditioning Safety Inspections Gasoline dry land pasture "Restoration ani digital reclamation give me :i eiill on your next planting project Monticello 217 N Main 435-686-22- Ch.irics Kcdil GRAND VALLEY OXYGEN, Inc. 446 S. Main, Suite C Lift Chairs Walkers Diabetic Monitors Diabetic Supplies Incontinence Supplies Home Oxygen Supply 4 Service Medicare. Medcaid & 5tee or "Ocb Insurance Billing House Registered Respiratory Therapist 24 Hours a Day 7 Days a Week (Emergency Service) 1 also serve your welding needs. Ws carry NCG cylinders. 1480 East Central 587-262- Construction General Contractor WX'k JJ-- 5XJXX0 Monticello or 877419-078-4 3 Additions 548 North Main Oo LAND SURVEYOR UTAH LICENSED PROFESSIONAL Michael W Redd A R'A'NiTiE EDMS E R.V.I C Omm Plumbing 43S &712S00 Fax 435 679981 Heating Cooling Email ndkdrriliink.ntl 333 N. 300 Blooding, Monticello.t435-587r236- 4 di UT W. (3023) 84511 RON MUSSELMAN BEN MUSSELMAN 1 rairie Dawg Portable Toilet d Septic Service GC MECHANIC! Ph L- - Southeast Utahs Complete Portable Toliet Service Sanitanr Liquid Human Waste Hauling Septic Tank Maintenance Pumping Mobile and Wheelchair Accessible Special Occasion Flushable Units Available Sprinkler Systems CALL 800-847-26- 58 mvm a.,, Box 1269 Monticello ! lkstevedaeo.net Monticello PIPING EXCAVATION 435-587-28- 49 455' 459' 0095 455' 678' 585 Remodeling PLUMBING 435-587-34- 76 BOUNDARY SURVEYS : GPS EASEMENTS : FENCE UNES SUBDIVISIONS : TOPOGRAPHY 2STR E PTH R DEVON U E G 53 MUSSELMAN PLUMBING Hollingsworth 435-587-29- 81 567-33- rock chip repair Oxygen - Acetylene - Helium - CO2 - Nitrogen - Argon And other specialty geses "Your COMPLETE SERVICE" --Medical S Industrial Supplies New Home Construction Monticello ("135) Complete auto body & frame Most advanced paint system Windshield replacement & In We s ALANS BODY SHOP Moab 435- - 259-788- 5 For All Your Home Medical Needs WheelChairs Commode Chairs Hospital Beds tinting 'Photography Special Events Wedding Photography Portraits Graduation Ptioius Cmtnrf 435459-184- 8 21 "V Duplicate Photos E rriorgomonts Create Photo CD Rerxjir Old Photos Digital tatting Diyrial Scanning October Specials IlyCrest Crested Wheat 435-587-25- 38 MWL4W Legacy Imagery alfalfa orchard bromc forbes , wheat oats triticale barlcv Of Your rt Monticello SEED Car Care Needs Tires Wed: Tr CAR CARE CENTER ' 9:00-1:3- 0 SS7-33- 68 Stucco In All Tues: 220 W. Northcreek Rd wLiiw Specializing Lera Nash LJs Quilting Sec Maloy 1045 N. Main 13 |