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Show THE SAN JUAN RECORD Wednesday, January 30. 2002 Page 12 vacation Speedo are reading But, the the time on you this I will be on my way to Mexico. For weeks I have been anxiously anticipating some By downside, I am still worried about all the heightened security. One day, my daydream turns into a nightmare. By the time we get to the airport I warm temperatures. However, there are a few details one has to look into before traveling am sweating because after the forklift unloaded too kind and loving my wifes suitcase I these days. My have to drag it down 17 miles of concourses and there is a customs agent with mir- wife wont take me unless I get a pass- port. I suppose she thinks they might not let me back in the country. I assure her that I am fluent in Spanish and could easily disappear into the local barrio and would have no problem assimilating with the natives. I give her my best hombre. Donde stah Taco Kay-pas-u- rored glasses, flat-to- p haircut and his AK47 assault rifle pointing my direction. The interrogation goes some- Al-Quai- da scrapbook. The picture on my computer 678-278- live in a cave in the mountains?" Yes, sir, in My CaveGuy: Cave w'ith my dog Turbo " The agent talks into a microphone attached to his shoulder: Hey Bubba, this guy claims he has a Tbrban and lives in a cave." CaveGuy: No sir. I said with a dog Turbo... T..u..r..b..o in a cave" Oh scratch that Bubba, no turban." Agent: And you are gain- is a very tasteful bikini beer babe on a beautiful sandy beach which 1 only put there because my wife said I wasnt excited enough about our vacation. But now I am, and several times, I have caught myself daydreaming. I am certain w'ith my natural tan and recent weight loss program 111 be looking good in my new swimsuit. I have been practicing gyrating my hips while singing Livin la Vida Loca". Blanding You 1 stretching around Mr. you, The doctor left staples in ya on purpose? He holds the Yeah, right! CaveGuy." speedo up again. An elderly CaveGuy: My Cave in the mountains." Agent: ll. dont see it I Agent: Place of residence?" CaveGuy: Well... I live in Bell?" Like everyone, I have some concerns about traveling these days. 1 mean, I don't want to accuse anyone of racial profiling, but this isnt exactly a safe time for a guy that claims to live in a cave and wears a beard to be traveling around. But 1 do have a passport. Although the picture looks like a cutout from Bin Ladens Ken-Barbie-do- thing like... h stomach. The alarm sounds. things. I am a little worried He moves it around and comes and continue sweating be- back around by my stomach. cause... well, I have packed The alarm sounds again. only the essentials. The agent Agent: Bubba, it looks like metal detects has a wand that wre got ourselves one of them and he pokes around until he Teleebon Terrorists." finds... CaveGuy: I can explain lookee that. You see, two months ago Agent: Hey Bubba, what we got I had cancer and I thought I here. He holds was gonna die, but then they up my silver removed my stomach and now speedo on the end Im not gonna die, but they of his w'and makstapled me back up and there to not sure are a few metals staples left ing come in contact inside by where my stomach with it and waves used to be and Im okay now it around so ev- and I was just going to Cancun eryone can see. for a little vacation because it This doesnt look is cold where I live... really. like it would fit a Even as I say it, I think my story sounds lame. Look, I only brought that because my too kind and loving wife bought it for me. I have another sw'im-suit.- .. really. Its in there. Im sure. The agent waves the wand over my arms, up and down my legs, and then across my Agent: a bad dream." I respond still Aw half asleep, Kay-pas-u- blahesspanyol? h. Bwanyodee-us- . Quero uno cervesa por fav four." Once I wake up, I decide I should have stayed in My Cave in the mountains and just looked at my computer screen saver. P.S. So far the fundraising for the Lance Armstrong Foundation is going great. We have received $3,323 and we have pledges for another $750. Please, if you havent donated yet, make a check and mail it in. Thanks. MESA JAVA WEEDS GALLERY Espresso & Southwestern Art Open February 1 7 am 5 pm -- made 'em room me range' Closed Wednesdays S16N Main Monticeto 587-260- 1 lady that has been clutching her purse looks like her knees are starting to buckle and her traveling companion helps her to a chair and fans her. I think theyre from Utah, too. Suddenly I am starting to wake up because Daniel is pushing me, Wake up, dad. Wake up. You must be having Only one NFL team has had more than 1,000 points scored against them in the playoffs: the Dales Cowboys. MiL$3((fe&aQC fully employed?" CaveGuy: Why yes sir, I Feds." work for the Agent looks at his questionnaire and writes, Not gaingov-ment- ... fully employed." CaveGuy: And I am a w'riter also..." Agent: Hold it right there. A w'riter, huh? I am sorry, we are going to have to check your bag." He opens my suitcase and starts rummaging through Monticello 587-230- 2 SAN JUAN PHARMACY SALE STARTS BIGGER gUEEX BED. BETTER SLEEP. JODAW & t.'-- 'VA - V V FREE Delivery FREE SetUp FREE Removal GREAT SELECTION OF lai.ntu2 dandy Ltti Pnmm Sets BETTER SLEEP. LESS DISTURBANCE. 90 Days FREE INTEREST FREE WJLC. Four Comers Delivery! Mon-S- at 9ao to 530 gg 38 N. Linden Cortez, CO 565-818- 7 Seeta fordetaSs. |