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Show rid of Daylight Savings Time The Bonehead Legislator who wants to get Nelson wants to eliminate Daylight Savings Time and Republican Utah legislator Lowell session. In a Salt Lake Tribune stoiy, intends to introduce a bill in the next Utah legislative a time of saying to the federal in "We're Nelson blames it on the feds (who else?). of our lives,' and it's the federal government that has government, 'Leave us alone, get out the sun would rise as is caused this," says Nelson. If Nelson gets his way (which unlikely) early as 4:55 am during the summer. we measure time, I'd do something I think he's nuts. In fact, if I could control the way 9 pm. Every night of the year. With at sets the sun always very different I'd sec to it that that makes adjustments for seasonal a computer technology, we could design timepiece light available to us. What do we do variations so that we always have that and wait for Spring, now? Hunker down inside at five in the afternoon and get depressed that's what. Of course, if the sun always sets at 9 pm, we'll have some days in the dead of winter where we won't see the sun come up until almost noon. But that's ok too. How many of us lament the fact that we rarely get up early enough to see the dawn of a new day. From to watch the sunrise always gets my day personal experience, I know that getting up early off to a better start. If the sun doesn't come up until late morning, there's hardly anyone who will not be able to take advantage of that little psychological boost. And it will give a whole new confusing meaning to the term 'High Noon.' after-dinn- Note: Consider this an epilogue pretending to be a prologue. I'm annoyed about a lot of other things too, including tamarisk control, employees at City Market hairing to work on Thanksgiving, and drivers who take up two parking spaces in front of the P.O. I'll have to vent at grater length some other time on those topics... I ran out of space. JS Whiny Southern Utah Conservatives You poor, pitiful things...Willie done done you wrong, fie went and created this new national monument and he didn't even consider your feelings. What a stunning blow for everything good and decent. A friend of mine stopped for a cup of coffee in Boulder a few weeks ago. That's Boulder, Utah. Not the Colorado yuppie hell. Anyway he must have looked like a backpacker hippie because his presence was not exactly appreciated... "Lookie there LaVellc. Looks like one of them damn tree huggers if yuh ask me. Must be going over to play at Willie's World...the S.O.B." The residents of Garfield and Kane Counties just can't believe the President of the United States would do something like that Well, consider this. Every day of the week (except Sunday) much of southern Utah has breakfast to and works by the sounds of their favorite local AM radio station, which in our part of the world broadcasts conservative talk radio 24 hours a day. On the weekend, they play the best of Rush and G. Gordon. In the course of one of those weeks, the listening audience, the dittoheads, applauds the vicious vitriolic attacks without end on "Slick Willie" and cry for more. With no more evidence than the bellicose rhetoric of the talk shoe host, the right-win- g public eagerly accepts any and all accusations aimed at Clinton. From moral debaucheiy, to the trafficking of cocaine, to murder. Bill Clinton has done it all... "Rush? This is Bert, dittos from down here in Quidnunc, Arkansas. Anyway I have a cousin who once was up to Little Rock and she has a friend name of Hattie who says she went to one of them reptile gardens down there outside of town and she saw Clinton having sex with a alligator... 'course he was only governor at the time." "Thank you, Bert. You're a great American to have the courage to come on my show and tell the general public this despicable tale. This is just more proof, ladies and gentlemen, that the Clinton Administration continues to slip deeper and deeper into a quagmire of depravity!" Three hours later, on the streets of every rural Utah town: "Did you hear the latest? I heard it on the news...Ginton's screwin' alligators!" So anyway, citizens of southern Utah what did you expect? Apparently you had a lot more respect for him than you were letting on. In fact. I'm beginning to think you must surely have considered him the Second Coming of Christ because it would have taken a messiah to turn the other cheek and forgive you for all the rotten things you've said about Bill Ginton for the last four years. You've hated the man like no president has been hated in thirty years (in a similar climate of hate, the last one got shot) and then you whine and complain when he isn't sensitive to your feelings? Maybe you people should apply for a government grant. Do you think 10,000 pacifiers will be enough? If not, maybe you can hold your collective breaths until you get satisfaction. Hey...I like that idea. pre-meditat- ed er The 'Greatest Snow on Earth?' I read recently that a Utah citizen refused to display his license plate with the 'Greatest Snow on Earth' slogan emblazoned across the top of it and had gotten in some trouble with the government for taping over the silly motto. But there's a better way to deal with this. Instead of obliterating the entire slogan, all you need to do is remove parts of the offending language and you can tum it into the slogan of your choice. Here's the annoying phrase: By using a little white-ou- t or white tape you can tum it into this: GREATEST SNOW ON EARTH EAT NO EARTH It's an environmental message, or an slogan. Or maybe you have some orgo friends who advocate eating humus or something. But it makes a powerful statement, I think. Or how about this as an expression of hostility toward the ski industry GREATEST SNOW ON EARTH EAT SNOW Or maybe you're one of those dreadfully cheerful optimists who never has a bad day and you think life really is a big bowl of cherries. You guessed it GREATEST SNOW ON EARTH GREAT EARTH If you're one of the number of restaurant owners in Moab with competition, you might like: GREATEST-SNOON EARTH EAT NOW But for me, I think there' s only one alternative that really works: GREATEST SNOW ON EARTH GRR... ever-growi- ever-increasin- RENTALS SALES SERVICE 497 N. Main St. (800)635-179- 2 FAX: (801)259-788- 2 259-231- 2 Have you ever wondered... why does Anthony wear that stocking hat??? ANY QUESTIONS? y C L E S ( MOAB. UTAH B I r. g |
