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Show THE PAGE 25 1995 ZEPHYRJAN-FE- B that which the inhabitants built themselves. The authorities could air drop food, tools and medical supplies at appropriate intervals to satisfy humanitarian and constitutional concerns, but would use force only to prevent escape. The goal would not be to rehabilitate or to punish the Jeffrey Dahmers and Charles Mansons of this but rather, to irrevocably remove them from our society and our world, consciousness. They could live together on Bast Boy Island in peace and harmony at a fraction of the current cost to taxpayers. If Charles Manson murdered Jeffrey Dahmcr, the matter would be dealt with under applicable Beastie Boy law (if any). We would never hear about Jeffrey Dahmer or Charles Manson again - if we retained the death penalty for journalists who wrote about the island or anyone who lived (or died) there. The judge who sentenced a defendant to life on Bast Boy Island would be required to state in open court - "Frankly, society doesn't give a damn about you anymore." And we wouldn't. THE HOLIDAY SEASON The holiday season starts for me in early October. My first symptom is vague discomfort that builds to full blown dyspepsia by the middle of November by which time there's no more hiding from the fact that I must prepare for and endure another funk. I'm Christmas. I psychologically steel myself by entering my I first hear Christmas music. All the difficulties of the when annoyed impending Christmas season cast a undeserved pall on my favorite holiday Thanksgiving. I like the name and the concept a day to give thanks for the fact I'm still alive. I like Thanksgiving because it's always on a Thursday, which means that the day after is a Friday, which means that if you don't work retail, you have the day off (always my favorite way to recover from a holiday!). I'm not fond of holidays that happen on Saturday and Thanksgiving never docs. I also like it because I don't cook. My role is effort to assist in to eat, to compliment those who do cook, and to make a good-fait- h cleaning up before I take a nap. When the delight of Thanksgiving ends, the horror of Christmas shopping begins. 1 don't like to shop for myself, much less for other people. But the process of shopping forces one to focus on what others enjoy which is not unhealthy if done for others in moderation. But Christmas shopping for me is less an exercise in moderation than an act of will -- 1 will get this relative and that friend off my list today! I then do what I have to do - which all too often means wandering aimlessly through stores in a I see others in the same state of for search grim desperation, and inspiration. quixotic I I know do not suffer alone. Why are there no Christmas shopping consultants? I, for one, need professional help. There is a joy in picking a good gift for someone which is renewed each time you subsequently sec them using it. Unfortunately, most people already have what they use. So the goal of Christmas shopping often is reduced to obtaining a present which will not be a nuisance - avoiding the fruitcake gift. It's hard work because there is a lot of fruitcake out there to avoid. Somehow, every year it gets done. The presents are opened, the kids are happy, and the parents relieved. At the end of Christmas Day, the warm glow of the Christmas spirit returns once again. Maybe it's good we go through this agony every year to remind our friends and loved ones that they are, in fact, our friends and loved ones. It stimulates the economy. It takes my mind off how awful the weather is. And it means my second favorite holiday - New Year's - is only a week away. New Year's is inferior to Thanksgiving in every way - except that it's the end of the holiday season instead of the beginning. That helps me have a surprisingly enjoyable time watching college football while recovering from the excesses of the preceding evening. On New Year's Day, I find myself recollecting how much fun the holidays were, particularly now that they are finally over. pre-Christm- HHHB NORMA NUNN (WJ259-502- 1 (H)259-727- 5 JULIE BIERSCHIED (W)259-502- 1 (H) 259-56- 70 each office independently owned and operated as n WHAT COULD BE MORE APPROPRIATE FOR THE LAME ISSUE THAN A REMINDER THAT AFTER SIX YEARS, STILES STILL CANT DRAW WOMEN. HAPPY NEW YEAR! L S. QUALITY REALTY 505 N. Main St. or 259-649- 3 (801) 259-502- 1 FAX (801)259-838- 7 Blue Mountain Shadows V UtA.HC.Vl'l vOLOHiiwumilN Volume 14 of Blue Mountain Shadows has just arrived. Look for it at local stores and businesses. QSO Vi- - V- i- Patckoiib CoMection |