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Show THE ZEPHYR/OCTOBER-NOVEMBER Dama MY FRIEND 2005 ef DEBRIS By Edward Abbey "DEPUY’ S RECIPES’ My friend is not only a great painter of romantic landscapes but also a maker of superior jerky. In return for my recipes for Voluntary Poverty Pinto Bean Sludge and R. K. Stew, he gives me his for Jerky Supreme a la Debris®: Take five pounds frozen round steak or brisket, slice into thin (Ye- inch) strips. Marinate for 12 hours in a mixture of wine vinegar, Worcestershire sauce, olive oil, red chili powder, salt, garlic salt (mais oui!), and beer. (Heineken’s will do.) (Or Black Swan.) Pin to a line in hot sun, if in an arid climate, for about twenty-four hours or until done, or dry in an oven for eight to twelve hours 200° F.; leave the oven door open about one inch to allow circulation of air. DESERT Remove. Cool. Place in pack. Place pack on back. March twenty miles into wilderness. Open pack. Mangez/ OIL . In pot or Dutch oven, dump onions, green peppers, potatoes (I prefer turnips myelf—I like that iron and earthy flavor), carrots, chopped Paleee chili, ae a pound or two or three of Jerky Supreme a la Debris,® a bottle or two of red wine, and basil, oregano, more garlic, more chili more wine, and more what have you, what the hell, I’ve forgotten the exact amounts or what ingredients, it all comes out fine in the end, cook until oe eat. Will feed five hungry storm troopers or two starving artis Debris is willing to grant the authenticity of my concern with eating, but has somehow gotten the impression that I am not seriously interested in the art of cookery. He listens, therefore, with feigned attention at best, with impatience, with visible disinterest, as I sketch out my culinary inventions. To wit: Voluntary Poverty Hardcase Survival Pinto Bean Sludge® 1. Take one fifty-lb move stones, oe clear crickw Soak earthenware e po NOT WARNI sack Dipstick County pinto beans. horseshit, ants, lizards, etc. Wash in ae twenty-four hours! in cast-iron kettle or USE TEFLON, ALUMINUM, OR PYREX. THIS or denigrate the subtle flavor and delicate bouquet Sludge. of Pinto Bean DO NOT BoiL. Add water when necessary. 4. Stir gently from time to time with asta spoon. (DO NOT DISREGARD THESE DETAILS.) 1 simmering, add one gallon green chiles. Stir gently. Avoid bene beans. Add one-half quart pure natural sea salt. During following twelve hours stir frequently and add additional flavoring as desired, such as, for example, ham oe Or bacon rinds. Or saltpork, corncobs, kidney stones, jungle boots, tennis shoes, jockstraps, cinch straps, eure old saddle ates use your own judgment. Simmer additional twenty-four hours. 6. Ladle as many servings as desired from pot but do not re- move pot from fire. Allow to simmer continuously through follow- ing days and weeks, or until contents totally consumed. Stir from time to time, gently, when in vicinity. (DO NOT ABUSE BEANS.) 7. Serve Voluntary Poverty Hardcase Survival Pinto Bean ogee” on small flat rocks that have been warmed in sun. If flat ‘ocks not available, any convenient fairly level surface will do. Pita may be used, if obtainable. (WEDGWOOD ONLY, PLEASE!) After serving, slather beans generously with salsa, ketchup, or barbecue ae Garnish with sprigs of fresh sagebrush. (Your guests will be amused and pleased.) . One cauldron of Pinto Bean Sludge, as specified above, will feed one starving artist for approximately two weeks. A grain supplement, such as rice, wheat, or maize, is needed for full protein ent ble with ae \ ») O 3 (op. The philosopher Pythagoras declared flatulence incompatithought and meditation. For this reason he forbade the custom (or solitude) Second recipe: Arizona Highways R.' K.? Stew® 2 2 4 2 2 CAN cup rattlesnake grease a la blackto} lbs sun-dried skunk (from the Widale of the road) cup jackrabbit blood (dehydrated) Ibs squashed cottontail bunny lbs flattened chipmunk (with tread marks) 1% Ibs laminated kangaroo rat 2 Ibs elongated bull snake 2 lbs mashed house cat 2 Ibs smashed dog 4 la asphalt etc., etc., etc. “My Friend Debris,” from Down the River, by Edward Abbey, copywrite 1982. permission to re-print from Clarke Abbey 444 (O) iS Py @ i (IS ee. of beans in his ashram. We have found, however, that thor- ugh cooking ameliorates the condition, and alleucre the social embarrassment. ON CANVAS 17 xX 26 For the discriminating gourmet, Debris offers his jerky stew: : YO N FANTASY WATERCOLOR . ON PAPER : 28 X 41 yy. | a DD | 2 ENTE, N AAV © o- 36 62 S M >.< | CO 87/549 |