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Show ANOTHER LETTER FROM CACTUS RAT...#2 (Transcribed oo by Yellow Cat) Anyway, back to why my amblance is missing. Me and the Badger are just driving ead Jim, I’ve just been over to Moab and back and I’m in a ie trouble, Jim. I’m up the creek a bit, to tell you the truth. That’s why I’m_writin’ you. I figure you're a pretty dang important person in Moab, all influential havin’ that newspaper, and maybe you can help me out. (Yellow Cat here, hello again, I would say it’s a pleasure, but the truth is I’m being forced to pen this for the Rat under duress.) I’m having Yeller Cat write this for me, Jim, and I’m holding his fancy German Hohner Marine Band Harmonica hostage. / If he puts in his own dang opinions this time, that harmonica’s history, cat-spit and all. (Yellow Cat again: He'd better not harm it, it’s special, my Music Festival sweetie Eva brought it to me from Hamburger. Eva, if you're reading this, du bist meine Liebchen.) Dangitall, Jim, the Cat’s not the same, ever since he snuck into some kind of noisy shenanigan over by the river. He’s been goin’ around puttin’ on airs and singing operative drivel--me-me-me-sounds like cat-screechin to me--and struttin’ around all moone eyed. You'd think he’d lost his mind and along, appreciating all the bloomin’ rabbitbrush, when we notice we're dang close to runnin’ out of gas. But we’re not worried, we figure something will show up—it always does, and that’s cause we lead simple lives and are mostly independent. (YC: Eva, mein Liebchen, you're all I need. Ich habe genug.) : Sure enough, pretty soon we come up to a yellow Jeep somebody abandoned, so we pull over and transfer a little gas from its tank into our jerry cans where it'll be more useable. No point in lettin’ it just evaporate, or worse yet, get all gummy and clog up.a good machine, abandoned or not. (YC: The nice couple from Ohio who had rented that Jeep were down the wash rockhounding.) ' Then we headed on into town and decided to go over to the Toot-N-Tellum for one of their 55-cent grilled cheese and Coke specials, but I’ll be danged if we couldn’t find it! There was this new hardware store nearby, so we decided to go on in and get those caps, and man, what a shock that was! I never seen so much stuff, Jimbo, never in my wildest packrat dreams have I seen so many doodads and widgets and this-n-thats. It” was a real eye-opener, realizing how deprived we'd been and didn’t even know it! (YC: Dearest Eva, please don’t judge my suavity by the lack of it in my colleagues.) Me and Badger Jack wandered around awhile, fallen in love. Thought he learned his lesson up there in Bountiful. (YC: It pains me to have to write all this down verbotum, but if he touches that harmonica...) Anyway, I was thinking I probably wouldn’t write you again, since Packy told me that my last letter was printed up in ~ your newspaper, and that probably explains why there was so much dang traffic out here on the Strip all of a sudden. Must be that the word’s out about my candump. Sure are too many people comin’ around these days. (YC: There were all of two pickups out here two weeks ago, and an old Scout last Sunday. No one showed even a vague interest in the Rat's antediluvian candump. Not my opinion, mind you, just fact.) Of course, you know you‘re welcome out here anytime, Jim, more than welcome. Say, if you do come out, could you get to the store and bring me a few things? Maybe some saltines, a box of Cream of Wheat, and how about a copy of your newspaper (was my picture in there?). But anyway, Jim, I need your help. If my old Army amblance hadn't been unjustly confiscated, I wouldn’t need to be askin’ you for all this stuff--I normally can kind of in a daze, just looking at all that stuff. We didn’t even know what most-of it was for! Lots of chrome and shine, and a nice variety of it, but it seems like things are goin’ backwards. These newfangled cordless tools, they was dang expensive, and a feller’d have to wire them up himself they’d seems most. store work when the sun wasn’t shinin’-like that’s when you’d need them The Badger thinks they somehow sunlight for later when it’s dark. I thought about it, then figured I should try help myself. (YC: Help himself is right--he’s good at that, especially when it comes to one out at the mine to make things easier, tighten up security and all that. (YC: The clearing picnic tables. Just another journalistic fact, not opinion.) You see, Jim, it all started when I discovered I was gettin’. low on dynomite caps for the mine here--there | am, only about three-quarters of a foot from strikin’ fact is that the Rat couldn't live a moment longer without a solar-powered motion sensor it rich, and I run out of blasted caps. So me and the Badger decided we’d take the old happy when we came into town, but now we. were startin’ to feel kinda low. We always figgered we were rich out there on Army amblance into Moab instead of beggin’ a ride from Herman. Herman always wants a pack of them dang Lucky Strikes in trade, and sometimes that’s not so easy to get, especially with that crazy Packy taking up smokin’ as his new year’s resolution and all. (YC: Did he mention that they put stolen plates on the ambulance to make it street legal?) So anyway, Badger Jack and me headed out the back way, over by the old stock reservoir, kind of excited. Nothin’ as gerd fer apyecisins ms yout got (or aint got) as going to town. We were in pretty high spirits and the old amblance seemed to be runnin’ good, even made it OK through that rough stretch by the © — before he could even plug them n. But when I tried to find those blastin’ caps, well I'll begoto, if they didn’t have any. Now what's a hardware store without caps, no matter how much stuff it has? Except I discovered these lights that come on when something moves, and they ran on sunlight! I couldn’‘t figure out how light to guard his can-dump.) ell, Jim, by now I was beginning to think that maybe we were even simpler than we thought, cause we were pretty the Strip, but that was before weknew all this stuff existed. I even saw one feller who was buying two of them lights, Jim, and heck, it made me want to buy more of em, and I felt like a loser for a minute with only one light. We decided to go joyridin’ to cheer us up, so we headed out to Poverty Flats. (YC: Now known as Spanish Valley.) We came to a sign with a circle on it, and it was kind of a puzzlement, but we soon figgered it Now Jimbo, my friend. I'm known around these parts as being a viet we a to ee ge Fa . ° . a mple breed~I don't need much and I don't want much. About all it takes to make me happy is some Redhead matches, a few Just went around ana around. badger Jac called it a Willy Willy, and we got stuck in it just like we was in the spin cycle of one goldfish crackers and a project or two. oPandnose Pig anette ee round and round in that Willy Willy Parade of Logs. (YC: That's that section where all the petrified logs stick out of the bank.) Now Jimbo, my friend, I’m known around these parts as being a simple breed—I don’t need much and I don’t want much. About all it takes to make me happy is some Redhead matches, a few goldfish crackers, and a project or two. I like the simple life, as they say. _One of my ex-girlfriends, a gal from over in Elgin, once told me I was simple, and I still think of that as a compliment. (YC: In my memory it was simpleton, but no comment.) spin cycle until I came to my senses and grabbed the wheel and we finally shot out. (YC: Although verifiably the most inane thing in highway ED RBECINR, roundabouts are not that difficult for most people. Please, Eva, please come back...) Next we went on back towards town and grabbed some pop at that little store with that glowing neon Injun smokin’ the peacepipe. We then went on up the old dump road and . |