Show H s only relief A couple of spectators on the golf links were amused by the antics of one of the players who was waving his arms about like a windmill in a alt there was some slight wagering as to the cause of his strange conduct one section favoring the idea of a sudden attack of toothache and another that of st altus dance ac by a wasp sting A caddie was approached and whisperingly asked for an alon the boy burst out laughing you needa t whisper he said he wouldn t hear ye if you was to fire off a one ton gun he ain t got nothing the matter with him he s deaf and dumb and that s the only way he s got of shearin making sure it Is customary in the cheaper classes of german inns to substitute chicory for coffee bismarck was aware of this so one day when he came to a small inn after a long journey he sat down and called the innkeeper to him have you any chicory said be yes sir said the innkeeper well bring all you have here to me ordered bismarck the innkeeper was gone a few minutes and returned an am mense armful of chicory Is this all the chicory you have in the housea asked bismarck yes all well then said bismarck eave this chicory here and make me a cup of coffee THOUGHT A GREAT DEAL OF HIMSELF he there Is nothing pleasanter than to talk to the one you love bee she how awfully tired you must get of talking to yourself calming him the other day a careless mason dropped a brick from the second story of a building on which he was at work leaning over the wall and looking down he saw a respectable citizen with his hat jammed over his eyes the mason in tones of apprehension asked aidi the brick hit any one down there the citizen with great difficulty ex tri cating himself from the extinguish er into which his hat had been trans formed replied with considerable warmth yes sir it did it hit me that s right exclaimed the mason in tones of undisguised admiration noble man I 1 would rather have wasted a thousand bricks than have you tell me a lie about it exchange Ev change not in business now after I 1 had seen all the historic spots in new york city remarked a westerner I 1 began looking up the places of interest near by one day my wife and I 1 went over to heehaw ken tor the purpose of visiting the spot where alexander hamilton and aaron burr fought their duel after leaving the ferry I 1 accosted a native thus would you be so kind as to tell me where hamilton and burr had their famous quarrels 7 wal now let me see replied the the firm thet was blas itin out the palisades gasn wasn t it wal they ain t quarrying here no more ain t ben here for some time back Arg ad the conversation had become slight ly personal you exclaimed the man with the rotund face if you had any conception of the properties of matter you would know that t has all the characteristics of what we call mind matter sir thinks it thinks I 1 wonder snorted the other man what the rest of your face thinks of that big red nose of yours A great light breaks your friend barrett Is dead poet impossible why I 1 was at his rooms last night reading my latest poem to him come along with me to the inquest then the coroner is still in the dark as to what caused that sudden relapse cleveland leader his plea magistrate now then prisoner what have you to say for yourself 7 prisoner well suh I 1 done ad bittance mit tance de tru of all dat s ben agin me bedge but I 1 jes nat chelly hope dat yo is gwane to be easy wit me kase I 1 ayar yo is a mer cenary gem an philadelphia press A correction A prophet Is without honor in his own country said the intimate friend you don t mean that responded mr you mean that honor Is without profit detroit tribune the dear friends miss harold called me a peach a little while ago misa aartun the insulting puppy I 1 never would speak to him again of course he meant a dried peach something in a name where does live oh he has an uptown apartment and jonesb in a harlem flat why what is 1 differences 7 about 20 a month reciprocal you re juat spoiling the baby remonstrated rated the young mother that must be a mistake respond ed the new grandfather everybody e se says the baby Is spoiling me his wife at another resort nordy gaydon Is a devoted hue band every friday he drops busl ness buys a lot of candy and stuff that women like and runs down to the seashore and stays until monday ills wife ought to be proud of him butts ob I 1 don t know ills wife Is in the mountains louisville courier journal moving cheese will you start the cheese this way please said the thin boarder at din ner it a not time tor cheese yet said the fat boarder no but if you start it now it will probably get here by the time im ready for it yonkers statesman an award for the frame I 1 am glad you saw my painting said D auber I 1 tell you I 1 am proud ot that honor what honora inquired cumley ou see the label honorable mention on it not on your painting that was on the frame sketch such a foolish question mrs my husband bought a lovely ocean landscape yesterday mrs neighbors indeed Is it an oil or water colora mrs water of course dian didn t I 1 just say it was an ocean landscaped 9 the wide marg n of doubt they paid him a big salary dian didn t what tie said cleveland plain dealer unfortunate for nall want to my daughter do youa said the financial magnate wheeling around in his abair wh who said soa gasped the young man are you not young nall no sir my name s bimpson I 1 to bring back a suit 0 clothes we ironed for you this morning 0 I 1 see put the bundle on that cnair good afternoon the magnate looked at his watch and turned to his desk presently the door opened again well what Is it no he asked do you want the pay tor ironing those clothes 7 N no sir said an embarrassed voice behind him im mr nall I 1 came here according to appoint five minutes late young man good afternoon the terrible wretch why mabel dear what Is the matter cried the tearful bride s mother tell me all about it dont keep back a thing darling what has the brute been doing when I 1 wanted him to lock the windows last night he said there was nothing but me for burglars to to carry away and he at all had a personal reason la it possible queried the tor elgner that women work in cigar factories in this country yes in some of them answered the native why they for this reason among others said the foreigner sadly exhibiting a rusty hairpin he had extracted from cigar of the best in the universe brand helbing him jack simmid congratulate me may has accepted cousin kate of course I 1 told jov I 1 d help you after she refused you the last time jack did you put in a good word for me cousin kate several I 1 intimated to may that I 1 was after you inertia the city boarder are monotonous no here I 1 look out across the cornfield and that awful scarecrow ie always standing motionless in the same place it it s not taken away I 1 U go crazy farmer I 1 odder shucks that ain t no scarecrow maam that there the hired man cleveland leader i how amelia plays afternoon callers at the home of mrs duplisse had just been favored with an organ selection by that lady young daughter yes amelia play ver good said the hostess in acknowledgment of the company s praise amelia she never took no lesson nelder she play en wit her ears fl judge hes it rabid scientist do you mean to tell me that you don t believe one lota of my theory of evolution dub at science oh no not exact ly what I 1 mean to say Is that after hearing you talk I 1 ve decided that dar win Is way off the link isn t anlee ing at all detroit free press in a few years the guest walter you may bring me a lobster salad the walter yes sir with real lobster or lobster lne puck THE REASON customer that hair tonic iou sold me Is a humbug you guaranteed eu it to restore hair after everything else failed barber well maybe you dian didn t try everything else A similar case I 1 contend said the fat man that wanamaker had a right to dine with booher washington yes queried the stranger in the tone of one who was having conversa tion thrust upon him yes and southern newspapers are making too much fuss about it why should they kick because wanamaker dined with booker washington 1 don t know I 1 m sure none of them kicked when the monkey dined with harry lehr another fish story edith ja k and I 1 are going on a fishing trip to morrow mayme tom and I 1 went yester day edyta did you catch anything mayme nothing but tom strict in it A young man named thomas 0 farrel laid aside all his earing apparel to go swimming one day A tram name that way and thomas weri homesly ln a barrel unfair competition hereupon the soubrette advanced to the footlights ladles and gentlemen she said I 1 dont mind the swell guys in that box party putting up the best line of talk they can while the play Is going on but they ought to give us a fair shake and clap the lid on when the curtain goes down their performance rattles us when we are trying to get the stage ready for the next iab 1 hanking you for your patience la dies and gentlemen I 1 will now retire in jungle society mrs jackal do you think dear id better invite the monkeys to my next ball leopard perish the thought why everybody knows they re noth ing but climbers puck t he D ant look it editor do you mein to tell me that joke Is original with ou certainly A J editor well you are eared ear Jd but a don |