Show u V:-- -- J Section : Tuesday July 29 2002 n The Herald Journal Pagel Blueprint for happy marriage By R Thant Wentz A I short time ago a young friend of my ton got married My ' wife and I went to the marriage ind receptioa end it wu great to tee diem looking at each other smiling laughing lduing they were so much in love and then the festivities were over and they were off into the unset for happiness! I think most marriages are like that — hill of expectations happiness and the sureness that love will conquer all Yet in today’s society about half our marriages end unhappily and it is important we do not become one of those statistics I would like to offer seven guidelines which if followed will significantly increase the odds that your relationship will continue to bring happiness through die years Establish a pattern of dating (courting) on a weekly basis This is not doing ' what he always wants nor is it doing what she always wants Try for acom- promise and then when you go leave all problems behind This is not a time to discuss problems It is a time to focus positively and over the ' yean will pay dividends to your relationship Don’t sweat the small stuff! Most stuff is small stuff We get bent out of shape routinely on things thalin the long run don’t really mat-never-endi- JBEdLUliiit J ng Jtt ILriibH SAJkt 11 1 long way to helping someone feel loved If you are not touching each other well— get going Hold hands brush shoulders pat each other scratch his or her back learn how to kiss I would suggest a kiss at least twice a day Love each other physically and emotionally Express to your partner in dear terms that you love them Make sure they know! It is a truismJhat we like being Don’t with those who appreciate mitt the chance to brag upyour partner Everyone likes to reel important and appreciated Conversely no one wants to fed like a second-clas- s citizen How often do we thank each other for getting that drink out of die fridge washing the dishes for making die dessert fw being patient with each other? A' good goal would be to make sure verbal thanks are giyen your life partner ou a daily basis Thist and Intimacy Some parts of a relationship are very special There is disclosure that occun in all healthy relationships where we trust each other: Feelings and thoughts are given to the partner have the vW rtf rfimnvfa aid if viftlrtwt ' become weights of lead destroying the marriage: Never ever violate those areas which symbolize those most sensitive and important to your ' five-seco- nd s & - partner' : Be loyal and committed to your relations) All relationships sooner or later nave challenges When challenges come be patient! Hght s fair and don't give up Marriages are wordi saving ana worth fitting to keep Make ongoing emotional deposits toyourmaniageaccount and then ifthe rough times come you will have a reservoir in that marital bank account that will help you make it through v Develop shared interest? in all ' areas possible Family sod die spiritual areas appear most important If ' you are not good at or don’t appre- date whatever your partrivlovitt ' take some lessons become involved Where family relatioh- i’ ship? attd spiritual bonds are shared the marital relationship is sustained and supported’ v i' " R Tmht Wentz PhD la drsetor of adult aeivtooa for Bear Rlvisr Mental ?£ Healtfr He to among a number of free-lance wrltara whose columne appear In The Herald Journal S M Dr Mick Pattinson president of Bear River Mental Health surveys the construction scene for the expansion of the offices ©? GUiKsmrM BdsiSd Bear River Mental Health celebrates its silver anniversary with a major expansion No Pattinson said the expansion is not an indicator of more mental maladies — “We have the same number I’m convinced as we had 100 years WJflW ago per capita” We have our stresses he agrees ntering his office at 90 E 200 North but how about say the Sodbusters? Talk about Logan Dr Mick Pattinson made stress — “The homestead on the prairie was no for die window The ’little House on die Prairie’ ” Mental of Bear River Health So okay the mind doesn’t toggle any more Services Inc couldn’t get enough of now than it ever has But in contemplating the the new view He smiled as if he woe beholding mountains and meadows instead growth of BRMHS it certainly has reason to Bear River’s 197? budget of $600000 has bal- of tractors and a hole in the ground looned to $6 million more than half the revenues “We had groundbreaking earlier this morning” he said “It’s extremely exciting This is just woncoming from Medicaid and less than 10 percent from county and city The 700 clients served in derful” 1977 have become nearly 5000 They still range The hole is sort of a silver anniversary present from Wyoming to Nevada and from Idaho to an expansion coming none too soon Atage 25 BfcMHS is busting its britches “three or four Ogden The area is larger than Israel and someto the 130 staffers it seems as if it has as times and nook office sharing space every cranny just as said dramas Pattinson many exploding” “TTiere’s not a quiet moment here” Pattinson But by February the hole should have turned said Hie usual spring rush hasn’t let up “The into a big valentine to the thousands of clients demand has not only increased but if is sustained who depend upon BRMHS It will blossom' into on a year-roun-d basil” Changing times present offices and conference rooms and a reception new challenges For instance “I don’t dunk we’ve area an expansion dud almost doubles die clinic’s size and maybe die size of its occupants as they kept tip with how parents handle dungs that are ‘ available to children in and unfold : ways” uncramp By Mika Ingraham features writer 1 i!Exprtssionsofaffectiongoa ' Brant StevansHerald Journal Hin : - ' Pattinson says For all the business BRMHS can thank an iixrcased sophistication in identifymg disorders and the public’s willingness to seek help “People are coming to our door because it’s now okay” : Pattinson said “It wasn’t okay 20 years ago” The new attitudes are reflected in die state legislature Even in its frenzy of fund slashing Utah has for the first time Pattinson saidprotected mental health funding But he added “I don’t think the stigma is entirely gone for those seeking services I don’t think die public has an understanding of how important these are Just like seeing a physician or dentist or optometrist this is health cate as well” Mental health has been steadily marching out into the light most recently in last week’s “Newsweek” and “The Today Show” Both pieces were of a confessional nature — we mentally ill should speak put and seek professional help But what Cache Valley may most remember was that “Good Morning America” segment last spring looking at our local pill poppers Pattinson didn’t catch that show and from his SeeBRMHonBS ! 'S gThe greatest honor ' of Bear' River Mental Health Services Dr Bartel Cardon has j" never had a bigger compfimeutlhan that paid by his pallentfcf v V-- ? iUyi f 10 pOIMHI OuiOil m) Onioi InO pfMnB iwOmi Of IMn pwn inner thoughts and emottone — that was the greatest honor ever given me" In an Interview hegave V " a glmpse Into his own thoughts On bad people— Ve are sometimes too prone to ' l! take anything as belng ln the categoiy of the mentally - M There are people who are Just evl Parted They are Just bad people and V of Mnci tadI people The meotanyi r 'i! accountable In court and hrdgftdBut the conse-! V : quencee for them should be quite dMsrentj On bad rape —'There is a myth that foflowhg Gapf 'Ij1 airaf Conference increased numbera are placed In ' K behavioral health units That is not so ‘Vile by to find scapegoats tor theprobieme we face in Ifei In Utah the church I turn my back to the L view that we are a terrfety mistreated people to Utah ' ' J On why Bear River won’t go out of bueineee y' ' — that le our Ives are soon ‘What happening Is becoming more compilcatad More Mogs'are puHng at us and distracting ue ThafS JhedHhrence between 25 L yean ago and now It was a simpler woridthea We ( never worried about hijackers qr terrorists We didn't r ! lfocfc doom as ofteq aind road rage wasril in the vocab'Vi r utary or al the other rages we've added' ' Stress va stressed out?- - Idoril accept that wa are stressed lout I only accept that we are stressed” VWe’ve always known that exerotod eating right and Iceeoina VWlfll NV Doeitive are MnAW IVI But we think of ourselves as being tod busy to exetdsis We know the vduerof medttation but we donl take jime to insdRats I V SV wnn- lonsiofi wacknu oy going jnp wsi iooa ponsump v Ofaflthe bouquets presented to the founder :SC j — r - ft f -- yi '' SB ! y JII M A— A M ktiul DOfl IsIaIjI roXimi WcuCfi n a Jninii uhTI II lj lI itvinlnlrtn QOCIBiOn 8KXH iwll overwhelm us' HCiuBOI hi9 J rafl I DOOK MlraiHlirJrirl Sli S IIKBwiOOQ hkh ' “ SuqSS J office ona main street in Utah? And p what CEO would pay only in cash? “The mental health system should function like ? family” Cardon says “You should stay hen Dr Mick Pattinson took charge within your budget We did not have a building mm - of Bear River Mental Health Ser-!- v until we had the cash to put it up” v vices five years ago he found “no It wasn’t until 1984 that BRMHS had the problems that needed to be fixed It had been well managed” money to move into its present center aC90 E His predecessor Dr Bartell Cardon i? not one 200 North Until then it wandered' seeking to take bows but he has to say that looking space for masses of clients — 696 of them in ' 1977 In Logan they moved from two rooms at back “to my amazement I am totally satisfied " 170 N Main to the second floor of a hank on I can’t think ef a single major decision which the same block Again clients packed the attins point appears not to have teen produc-tive- ”place No space was sacred Cardon men- turned that they would have to find more room Canton can’t claim credit fbr Utah’s mental ' “even ifit is health being “better than tiiat of most of the my office” and theveiy next day came to work to find himself summarily reloworld” But was it just coincidence that when cated to a windowless roonl with two others Bear River began in 1977 the Suicide rate here wal peariy double the national average and 20 - The staff by the way wu not your usual staff any more thah Cardon was your usual y years later it was just half? ' toss Instead of the traditional social worker ' “I considered it a crisis says Cardon recall' rfaff widi a PhD psychologist here and there ing the: situation in the mid 1970s Those were Cardon loaded up on docs “to quickly serve the the dark days of die traveling team the NorthHealth time one ern Utah Menfel full seriously impaired" Even his five mental Qinic’s s health in staffer and a couple of specialists were from ddctoral programs looking “This orfentatiem resulted in a good deal of on Cache Valley every few weeks on abwlget criticism from the domiiiant social weak com- of$8&50Q V’ Cardon at mat timewas hoe on a sabbatical W$h all those credentials could accreditation from his post as professor of psychology1 at the far behind? It turns out if was rally thee be University of Petosylvaiia When pressure from local advocstes resulted in funding for a years away When it' came “it took everybody head Cardon choice was to center die by suipfise even die accrediton themselves vtopa " EVV: Everyone kssumed we would utterly fail”' You have to pardon Cardon— he’s a little : Aixreditatipa “allowed us to go after1 different What professor would give up tenure : V See CARDON (Dai B8 Ivy League tenure in Philadelphia for a bare By Mike Ingraham features writer start-u- 7 part-timer- ‘rV-1- -- |