| Show The Herald Journal Logan Utah Sunday June 10 2001 — A7 Listening to Bach repeatedly leads to success insanity mood get yourself into a and you find yourself wondering men what all die cither are doing at that hour You suspect they’re doing manly grown-u-p things like baling hay or preparing a sales presentation or burping They’re probably not lying on the floor speaking for a family-rooBarbie doll Yes my daughter has a Barbie doll And not just any Barbie doll: It’s a Republican Convention gate Barbie Really She’s wearing a business suit and has a little delegate credential around her neck In other respects she’s a regular Barbie by which I mean fehe has an anatomically impossible figure and enough hair to be a fire hazard Republican Convention Delegate Barbie was given to my daughter by a woman I know who is connected with die Mattel company which made a limited number of Republican and Democratic Barbies that were given to die delegates last year at both political conventions The woman told me that Convention Del By Dave Barry The Miami Herald doll-voi- hat I do first thing every is morning play with dolls The dolls belong to my daughter Sophie who likes to start the day by giving her dolls a toy bottle She has a strong nur- hiring instinct ce m ahhoughitjs not matched by her hand-ey- e : coordina- tion so often she sticks the bottle into a doll’s eye The dolls don't mind- They’re always happy They talk in perky squeaky doll voices “Hi Sophie!" say die dolls “Cough cough cough!” ' The dolls cough a lot because I provide their voices and it is not easy to sound perky and squeaky when you’re a man and it is 7 ajn and you have not had your coffee You have to struggle to old ing for them to spread across tiie entire landscape This puts farmers in a “catch 22” They must either wait for the wasp to decrease beetle populations or do it themselves Pesticides will kill the beetle but there’s one problem — it also dooms the fate of the wasp The wasp does come with a good resume Morgan County introduced it and saw a dramatic decrease “They said they are having problems even finding any of the beetles this year” Israelsen said He added though it would be difficult for fanners to wait for wasp populations to rise They are the ones who have to pay the bills at tiie end of pach month Israelsen encouraged any fanner thinking of using pesticide to kill the beetle tocon-'taKarren at the university He will come out to their Beetle Continued from A1 beetle The wasp seeks out nesting-areaand injects the beetle’s eggs with its own eggs The wasp’s eggs hatch and tiie larvi£ feed On the beetle’s eggs It can have two to five generations per year thus being an effective control agent to the beetle’s population according to Karren’s n study The problem though is waiting “We’ve found that it usually takes about three yean fin the wasp to really establish itself” Israelsen said Officials did introduce the wasps three years ago in various parts of the valley and populations have thrived and increased They’re just wait s 1 egate Barbie is a valuable collectible item and we should keep her in die box But of course as soon as Sophie saw Barbie she had to get her out of the box and give her a nice nurtur- - ' ing bottle to the eyeball For some reason Sophie also likes to undress this Barbie the result being that she (Barbie) can often be found lying among the other toys on floor largely naked the family-rooher big hairdo going in all directions as though she has just been engaging in wild party activities with Elmo and Winnie the Pooh who lie nearby looking happy but tired I suspect that when I am not looking they smoke little toy cigarettes In case you were wondering (and you know you were): Republican Convention Delegate Barbie does not wear a brassiere I will not go into details here except to say that if real Republican convention delegates looked like this Barbie Bill Clinton would definitely have changed parties Anyway I don’t mind playing dolls with Sophie but it has been an the coast and And so on Lately the video we watch 830 times a day is “Baby Bach’’ in which video images of toys are accompanied by classical music The theory behind this video as I understand it is that looking at these images and listening to Bach makes the baby more intelligent That may be but it also slowly drives the parents insane One day you’re going to read a news story about a person who went berserk with a machine gun in a shopping mall when the system started playing classical music When police search that person’s house I guarantee you they will find: “Baby Bach” But so WHAT if I’m going crazy? The important thing is Sophie is learning! She’s getting smarter by the minute! She just stuck a bottle in my eye adjustment for me When my son Rob was that age he played exclusively with trucks so when I played with him in the morning all I had to do was make a truck sound BRRRMMM which was virtually identical to snoring And before you accuse me of giving my children toys let me stress that I got Sophie a truck a big studly one She uses it as a baby carriage Sometimes she gives it a bottle When we’re done playing dolls it’s time for Sophie's other favorite activity: watching the same videotape 850 times As you parents know babies LOVE repetition If babies went to comedy clubs a successful comedian's routine would go like this: COMEDIAN: I just flew in from the coast and boy are my arms tired! AUDIENCE: (Wild laughter) COMEDIAN: I just flew in from the coast and boy are my arms tired! AUDIENCE: (Wild laughter) COMEDIAN: I just flew in from gender-stereotyp- m property to mohitor the population of the wasp If they are low or still nonexistent then the farmer may not do any harm by spraying The beetle has been recognized in Europe as a pest of small grains since 1737 The first case in the United States occurred in Michigan in 1962 There had been reports of grain damage in Michigan since the late 1950s some as high as 30 percent Since then the beetle populations have grown and spread to Qther parts of the country according to Kairen’s study ed public-addre- ss - Dave Barry is a humor columnist for the Miami Herald Write to him co The Miami Herald One Herald Plaza Miami FL 331 32 rttOtf It rtf 90(51 rlb' (! THERE'S NO EXCUSE 'TM ' FOR ABUSE Call I ct -8- 00-897-LINK m I g hor ftm uxmontai nejp wim domestic violence w to eliminate the wns of budgeting Questar Gas has a plan to make your winter gas bills So when can you sign up? 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