Show The Herald Journal Logan Utah Thursday July 27 2000 — Page 19 FOR BETTER OR WORSE ‘The History of the World’ By Ann Landers Creators Syntficate uttle WEUWECANHE GHE-fSNiF- HUMS Uv(T MEANT THE Most LOVED THIS House we fvunao Couch mo chair Greeks Nero was a cruel tyrant who tortured wrTH &omm PlVL SHE CHOSE ChOOSC T& 'DUNS& Then enEciAuy his poor subjects by playing the fiddle to diem ASAIN! In die Middle Ages King Harlod mustarded his troops before the Battle of Hastings Joan of Arc was canonized by George Bernard Shaw The Magna Carta provided that no free man should be hanged twice for the same offense William Tell shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son’s head In die Renaissance Martin Luther was nailed to the church door at Wittenberg for selling papal indulgences He died a horrible death being excommunicated by a bull The painter GILBERT — Donatello’s interest in the female nude made — him the father of the Renaissance Gutenberg invented the Bible Sir Walter Raleigh invented TERNS IN WELL I UPGRADED cigarettes and Sir Francis Drake circumcised CANE OlfT AHEAD AND THREE THINGS I the world with a 100-fodipper I ACCIDENTALLY DOES NY Queen Elizabeth’s navy defeated the Spanish BROKE THREE THINGSArmadillo William Shakespeare wrote about CONPUTER Romeo and Juliet a romantic couplet Miguel LJORK? Cervantes wrote “Donkey Hote" John Milton A wrote “Paradise Lost’’ Then his wife died uid he wrote “Paradise Regained" One of the causes of the Revolutionary War was that the English put tacks in their tea Benjamin Franklin invented electricity by rubbing cats backward ' Abraham Lincoln's mother died in infancy ARLO AND JANIS He signed the Emasculation Proclamation In 1865 Lincoln got shot by an actor in a moving picture His name was John Wilkes Booth This T WHWewfc ruined Booth’s career HOOtfc? WllWOGOlUft Gravity was invented by Isaac Walton It is chiefly noticeable in autumn when the apples are falling off the trices Bach and Handel were famous composers Handel was He was very and large Bach died from 1750 to the present Beethoven was so deaf that he wrote loud ' music Inc DEAR ANN LANDERS: I have been searching ypur column for my favorite article but have yet to see it Would you please reprint “The History of the World"? It was a compilation of student lines from All we kept were WHENMOURflOMANDll moved TbTKis papers collected by history and English teachers and put together by ‘ Richard Lederer It was : hilarious — Laura in Atlanta DEAR LAURA: I remember it well because j the man who put it together has the same last name as mine although we are not related j Here it is: The History of the World Adam and Eve were created from an apple (tree Jacob son of Isaac stole his brother’s birthmark One of Jacob’s sons Joseph gave refuse to the Israelites The inhabitants of Egypt woe called mum- mies They traveled by CameloL Moses led die i Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made without bread made which is bread unleayened David Hebrew a was king who any ingredients fought the Philatelists Solomon me of David’s sons had 500 wives and 500 porcupines The Greeks invented three kinds of columns — Corinthian Doric and Ironic The mother of Achilles dipped him in the River Styx until be became intolerable In the Olympic games Greeks ran' races jumped hurled die biscuits and threw 'the java T7ie reward to the victor was a coral wreath Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who died from an overdose of wedlock - JSS®? I L : NO BUT IF IT DID IT WOULD BE NUCH FASTER ot I j PLACSrfe PUT IS J i BOTH if you umUjDhq i m sunn youa fhisqme - J I : ! I LEAVE IKE HOUSE-FO- TWZtiTYmTli half-Germ-an half-Itali- ’ Eventually the Ramones' conquered the an half-Engli- sh If it hurts don’t scrape keratoses By Peter H Gott MD ' — DEAR DR GOTT: ' I’m 69 and have ugly scaly patches on my back that my doctor 1- -y calls keratoses He says t just to scrape them off but that hurts What else ? can I do? DEAR READER: irregular ' Keratoses are $ 1 101! fllWWYS 5b m Inn m h 1 foetoas 0 MUCH WERE! ear-ol- raised grayish or brown discolorations that form on aging skin They are very common and no one to my knowledge knows their cause As you have discovered they are painful to scrape off Therefore I dis-- 1 tion complete recovery is the rule nephritis is probably the consequence agree with your doctor’s suggestion Inasmuch as keratoses are entirely benign of allergic reactions to certain medicines and constitute only a cosmetic problem I usual-- Almost any antibiotic can cause this as can ly urge my patients to leave them alone agents such as aspirin and lesions arise at friction points such heavy metal sdch'fcs lead :v y as on belt lines Or under bra straps they cabbfe' Y6ti yhduM bfc ‘tinder the care of a remov in a simple office proce- - gist a kidney specialist self-limit- - GRIZZWELLS dure DEAR DR GOTT: I’ve been told by my doctors that because of nephritis my kidneys have lost 20 percent of their function Is there nothing that can be done to correct this condition? Progressive kidney disease is a hard pill to d mother with a swallow for a baby DEAR READER: The answer to your ques- tion depends on the type Of nephritis (kidney inflammation) that you have Nephritis can be hereditary (Alport’s syndrome) and unbeatable except by dialysis or kidney transplant or it may be secondary to infection drugs chemi- cals or other diseases For example and requires nephritis is no therapy except antibiotics for strep infec- Newspaper Enterprise Association ed Drug-induc- ZITS ed - How-ieverifl- he - nephrolo-surgical- ly Horoscope' indication that she or he is not interested in what you’re espousing n CAPRICORN (Dec 19) This might not be a day for working on a collective venture especially if there u a misunderstanding concerning money Both parties could be the loser if things can’t be worked out i b 19) Compounding AQUARIUS (Jan your problems by attempting to do that which is tiie most expedient could be a dumb idea today Impulsive solutions usually spell trouble PISCES (Feb 20) Tkke extra measures to protect your personal interests if you find yourself working with someone new or a person who is not noted for being fair ARIES (March 19) A disappointing in could be for store you concerning someday one who lets you down No matter if it is social or business related get past your feelings ' TAURUS (April 20) Keep a close weather eye peeled for the unexpected today There’s a chance someone or something disruptive could occur that’ll need a quick fix GEMINI (May 21 June 20) Before you get involved today keep in mind die track record of a pal who has as many erratic ideas as good ones It might be wise to wait a bit instead of being rushed into anything CANCER (June 21 July 22) Be extra watchful for hidden costs you didn’t anticipate before making any large purchase today no matter how wonderful the item appears to you By Bernice Bede Osol Newspaper Entejprtee Association 22-Ja- f For Rrtday July 28 2000 i Your birthday Although you might be asked to work hard in the year ahead the rewards and benefits will be more 'E fortunate than usual Do I all that you can to do the — -- best job possible? LEO (July 22) ( This is one of those days where you could be susceptible to flattery by one who is hoping to manipulate you Beware of anybody laying it on a bit thick VIRGO (Aug 22) Be leery of getting impatient and attempting to do something c on your own for which you lack the expertise i You could get in trouble quickly LIBRA (Sept 23) Associates might have trouble today understanding your ideas v ud could turn their backs on something you thought was 6 shoo-i-n SCORPIO (Oct 22) lb be successful others must first perceive you as being sta- ble Be careful today that you don’t give them any cause to think' otherwise with cheap talk SAGITTARIUS (Nov 21) Be wise friend the if read to a gives any signals enough 20-Fe- 23-Se- PIP FNT VOU KNOW THAT PO&S TO COOL THEMSELVES? J RANT RANT PANT RANT RANT RANT XNT RANT ANT 21-Ap- ril pt RANT RANT ANT 20-Mar- ch 23-A- ug I GARFIELD - —- if 20-M- ay 23-O- ct ALLEY OOP -- 24-N- ov -- 23-D- ec Crossword ACROSS I s 1 Developed f Author Emile -1Musician 1 Cugat j 12 Latest ! 14 Excessively 0 l15 £ Congenl-tall- yf joined 16 Author Anais 17 Likely 19 Emu's conn-- 1111x272000 That dam 26 45 Bon— (clever 27 Team unit 30 Sewugtool 32 Ancient Jewiah aecetic 34 Some military forces 35 Former Soviet 46 Comedian leader 36 Printer's (stretch) speech 20 cited appfes 23 Tapestry Deluiae sounds 40 Food lover 42 Type of lens Answer to Pravtoua Push f SPtClflL: tttN 49 Songlike 51 Of Swim JWHOflttr$NOT )rl Mlisnu$9 Uf ONLY 1 PK'WrsA mountains 54 Glues 55 Type of crab -- sour DlNft KNOW THAT — ll 56 57 Exams do-we- 37— out 39 Leave out FRANK AND ERNEST saying) -- DOWN j - a- ioup IT ' - YtrraPAY i si 1 Nerve 2 Mi 3 Shankar Fait of a stove 4 Knight's THE BORN LOSER- tide Longflsh 6 Last letter -' 5 (BriL) bate 7 Had 21 In dreamland Geraint 29 Actor Autry 22 Spring 31 Alaska holiday Tide role 9 Concerning n — (2wdsJ 11 Actor O'Neal 12 Original “JgWf inhabitants 13 Fre-(f- orlhe "SS” time being) 18 Ore link natives 33 Transaction 38 Author t 44 aeapoit Jl Rivet in France 46 Grows darker 47 "Step 48 Umberto -50 40 Overact ' 41 Beehive State 52 42 Nuke 53 — 43 Algerian —r New York - players Sun speech Allow 'School' start I V 1 MOULD LAY DOWN FAY I UFE ML'S NEXT TO TO FOR HINA! A 7 ' medanmagis- r HONDO I FEEL ABOUT )Y HUSBAND? LIVC WITH y A anyway! |