Show Page 18 — The Herald Journal Logan Utah Monday March 20 2000 to raisins kids new ly Mirtneapote-S- t Paul Star Tribune The problem with kids these days: hey are a) bratty or b) emotionally itunted The problem with parents these ays: They are its a) wimps or embrace-all-feelin- b) gs ents scratching their heads — or The choices are stark But they get ' to the crux of two popular takes on discipline problems in American families and to two new books that would like to add a third option to hose multiple choice questions: c) none of the above ' In “Take Back Your Kids: Confident Parenting inTurbulent Times” suthor Bill Doherty makes his case that parents’ biggest failing now is Abdicating their role as heads of their families The result is children with an oversized sense of entitlement sometimes children who are rude — in their downright intimidating demands - In “Kids Parents and Power i Struggles: Winning for a Lifetime” author Mary Sheedy Kurcinka concentrates instead on the damage when parents leap too quickly into an enforcer" mode The result is children who think that force is the way io handle all human affairs It’s hard for anyone to like them — including hemselves t A careful reading of these two looks — Kurcinka’s published in January and Doherty’s in March — fhows that both authors see die parents are and much the same: Mothers pretty worse vacillating between the two “The question is what war are we fighting now?” Doherty director of the Marriage and Family Therapy Program at the University of Minnesota as Jpd in a recent interview “My suggestion is that many parents who have gotten the cultural message now that we trod to be sensitive need to learn to set limits" alarmist” “I don’t wut to be he wrote in the bode “but a sense of alarm is hard to avoids Loving concerned parents have lost their balance There is reason to worry about the adults our children will become” The problem Doherty says is that families have patterned themselves after the “consumer culture” they live within Parents see their children as the consumers and themselves as die providers of service The analogy plays out in all kinds of ways he said In a marketplace companies are devoted to finding out what die customers want and then providing it he said And in a marketplace the customer is always right Doherty also faults the “therapeutic culture” that similarly has invaded homes from the world outside The deluge of pop psychology books has parents convinced they should u Custom duvet covers can makes room Yet even a novice Can make a duvet cover i A duvet cover is really just a big bag frith an end closure Since the purpose of A duvet cover is to keep the comforter f lean choose a soft washable fabric hich feels good to the skin A duvet ver made with two sheets is easiest there are no seams and is probathe least expensive But fashion fabric be used as welL Choose stable fabric for both layers fotton velvet or brocade on one side and ' f otton linen flannel or sheeting on the other make a beautiful duvet cover which is also unique A stretch velour on one Aide and a woven velour on the other spells disaster at the machine with layers both fabric “shifting as you sew and sheets in washer and dryer to avoid disappointing shrinkage later Measure the comforter to be covered ' inches to the width and ling s to the length for seaming If you using sheets check sheet dimensions tut break your budget Pre-shri- nk 1-- 12 3-- 34 “On the surface power struggles Kurcinka an early childhood educator author and lecturer in Eagan Minn said in a recent interview “But in my experience they are really about the feelings and needs of kids and parents need to get to those” Children need lessons in feelings every bit as much as in reading and writing Kurcinka said And the evidence is clean Children who learn to recognize and handle their own feelings -- r what some call “emotional intelligence” — cope better with life’s ups and downs develop better friendships and master many more challenges from playing the piano to advancing their careers tinned from Plage 11 inches Anything taller will take two or more applications to see any results Another product Casoron is herbicide nt ice you have all tire weeds but of your raspberries (or any Ibther woody shrub or tree grapes) apply Casoron and it will stop any pew weeds from germinating and competing with your berries It lasts almost the whole growing season Of course it J stop every single weed it prevents 83 percent that saves a lot of weed control C’t you Unfortunately asoron cannot be used in strawberries and the only I know of that works n strawberries Dacthal is pay difficult to find j Chlorosis is a deficiency of pre-emerg- iron that turns the newly tamed leaves' of your berries iellow while die veins remain green It always effects new growth first then spreads to chifd1 prepare for will have to be pieced to get enough width to cover the duvet Consider one fabric for the center and another fabric cut in half lengthwise to form borders on each side Do not cut final width (duvet dimeninches for seams) until sion plus after die fabrics are pieced To determine how much fabric to buy decide how many fabric widths plus seam allowances it will take to cover the width of the duvet Pus 1 12 inch seams Measure die length inches for seams of the duvet plus and multiply times die number of fabric widths needed This calculation is for one side of the duvet Double if both sides are the same For a queen or king size bed you need six yards for each side Consider purchased piping for one side of the duvet or covered cording which can be placed between the seams of die fashion fabric This piping can also go around the perimeter of the duvet For a cozy 1-- 12 s01diChdGelgerofWirtiJer!wltyour:spouse' or anotf hesipolia a! father of twarDvef parent yoii trust Jo get i rahi Adler&an fcoccasidhaUanother lecturer at the Southwest Ramsl iiy Boom best cure for chlorosis is prevention lust assume that you will have problems every year and take steps to prevent it with applications of sulfur and te in both the fall and iron-sulfa- saidficlK 10-inc- with a dish a viewer can buy a $13 antenna cut specifically to Channel 12’s signal install it and never pay another penny to receive his station early spring Chelated iron uum boiling water soapy (like Miller s feniplus) in the wate etc None of those have spring and summer will have a worked for me but I know much quicker and dramatic that the I’m going to enjoy every weapons available These insecticides are listed for He can be get that spring officially arrives this week As for me if you have Fennethrin Cypennethrin and sunny day I can get very alkaline soil but it is Cyfluthrin are still the best Mark Anderson Is a expensive While fall is still the best time for it it is never too late to add a healthy dose of organ- ic material to your garden spot Without tire weathering aid composting effects of winter I would avoid adding indoor and outdoor use are as Sometime it’s hard to get the whole story from a Web site hesaid - Changing FCC regulations have allowed satellite dishes to provide local channels and PBS programming and dishes available locally are moving in that direction But Hancey said local” in Cache Vslley’s case means “Salt Lake” Which leaves Logan’s own M0VK H01UNE ClSSR 7534444 But even without all the - sys- tem and to read carefully complexities of TV viewing in Cache County Rouse thinks' the future of TV is “a mess” The day will cone that current TVs will no longer work because a digital signal will have replaced the current UHF and YHF signals But Rouse adds that day won’t come tomorrow or even within the next year or two ' Likewise said Lemon broadcast signals should still be around in Cache County for the next few years to be used for anything-cls- so "you can pursue your project at your own pace This will avoid arguments with other household members who might want e to use the kitchen table for 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Some 5 oldwho Qfri only rules are absolutes Author years calledher ‘parents to attentionMary Sheedy Kurcinka saidr if she felt toeir visit with Borneno hurtina people no calling1 frlendsfrra boring them But herfyiiames'iaipong orvcircum ftiifwe'you jsettlfed forequalj somedepend stafus with your child? Doherty stances: ?wWhen yourMyearwf talked about a mother who toldpld says JYai're not the boss her$oh to clean hife’f oomigof tnf yt’s a function of his (clean toy roomagtiinol that he has suddenly Jwhenyoursls a pig sty?’ heniedtnto a told h©r lnstead of saying ®:Because children are team-- f IYpu don’t get to talk to meting to understand and say : tha4iijvaytthe mother aiiowedwhafs on their mirds things herself to be pulled Into! thebften come outwrong Kurcin r compari$on:''Myroom Is Rka said Consider some of jfdeshetoM Nnv£c4these' possible translations: give it cover Fuzzv Scripps Howard News Service including fevarythirHI growth and development of my ci I -8 Do your jddsfeel entitled to look and feel like a tug of war” I 1- cheforpareritsjK'ilF conflict The technique is called To fey treat children as a professional therapist would: tirelessly selflessly atten- five and willing to overlook'even die most disrespectful treatment in the interests of engaging the child But what’s right for die professional is not right for the parent Doherty said He tells the story of a boy who kicked his mother “It hurts Mommy’s feelings whenyou kick Mommy” she told her soil "Which of course is exactly what he wanted” Doherty said “She could not even stand up and say ’You don’t ever kick me’ “ By contrast die preferred approach in Kurcinka’s book is precisely to examine the feelings behind a family ' fathers who have mastered both sensitivity and authority But their books' are different And they join stord shelves full of parenting books that take extreme studs: either a or contradiction that often leaves par- Imm G3 OVIES 5 2450 North Main North Loqan Utah |