Show 54 W p r iw 0 philosophical j 0 0 0 observations 0 py br BYRON WILLIAMS a men and women worl assiduously to become famous but in their dis couri 4 aged hours they occasionally think of the quotations what s in a name jamef and A rose by any other name would smell as 23 A rose by sweet those who have become famous tell the any strivers there Is nothing of satisfaction in it what other name etc Is fame they ask and then again after some slight comes this indignant burst such Is fame famel it la Is told of an english lady and her daughter that they passed a portrait of washington hanging in an art gallery the daughter looking intently at the picture asked and who was washington mother washington washington oh he was the author of the sketch bookap ol 01 my child I 1 A guide showing visitors about the home of shakespeare in answer to a roguish inquiry from a wag thought shakespeare was remembered because he ile writ s so methin I 1 but to combat this we add when a small boy along with ith a dozen camping out friends we ati gophers served under the name ot of squirrels by the cook who was a practical joker the name in that case had everything to do with it as it often has ha in fact it may be good judgment to insist there Is considerable in a name after all young authors who aho sell their writings entirely on their merits could never be induced to believe there Is nothing in a name the famous authors can palm off gophers tor for squirrels a part of the time but the beginner must have squirrel every time buyers of manuscript are unanimous in saying that merit wins independent of name but a close observer will notice that the name Is the magic sesame that opens the purse 0 of the publisher and point points his decision to the usual avenues matter of extra merit Is always acceptable no matter by whom it Is the average writings the volume of the whole that demand a name to market them if the rose is beyond compare t Is as sweet by any other name but being no better nor m worse orse than hundreds of its III e it sells best under the name ot of a favorite bloomer so it Is with writing to be a writer and enjoy life one should be cheerfully constituted to keep on scribbling for the joy of it with success as a secondary consideration what Is true of writers Is true of other lines the same law holds good goodo there Is something in a name if you don t believe belle ye it sign J pierpont pont morgans name to a check instead of your own and note the difference in devel A good old lady who reads the dally daily papers and Is not versed in modern modem parlance especially slang wants to know what a water wagon Is her attention was called to the matter by recurrent red discussing marks about a ride on said wagon along about jana uary 1 1903 what in the world any man wanted water wagon to ride on a sprinkling cart tor for she understand especially in zero weather she wonders won dere therefore if there isn t some other kind of a water lagont wagon she seeks enlightenment at a poor fount of knowledge the best man to see about garden truck Is a gardener about painting an artist about liver complaint a doctor observing the same law the best man to interview regarding a water wagon Is a man who has taken a ride on it not having had this experience and baying having been born in kentucky where no water wagon Is allowed we refer the seeker of knowledge to a man who Is versed in stomach varnish we understand however that a water wagon Is what drinken drinkers say they are on when they have quit drinking carrie nation could not ay ap ride on such a wagon because she has never been a tippler as w we understand it edgar allan poe could have mounted the vehicle with appropriateness and benefit if rip van winkle had clambered onto the front seat just before drinking with the little geezers in the mount mountain aln he would never have had such a distracting experience and joe jefferson might inight have been a country editor or a horse jockey many a man who has pickled him self in whisky and delirium tremens in the days of yore might have been saved by a water wagon then undiscovered to get onto the wagon all one has ta do la Is to stop drinking at midnight december 31 and hang on all through the year the water wagon Is like perpetual motion it never stops the man who rides on the wagon and stops to take a drink always gets left this Is one of the rules and regulations A water wagon Is a good thing it should be as popular all the bear ear round as it Is january I 1 usually it starts out heavily loaded like a chicago street car the day before christmas but when III 11 arrives at the rubicon of the new year there Is left only the driver and a few dead soldiers this Is easy on the horas but it Is s confounded hard on tha passengers long live the water wagon C X C J A few minutes ago we wrote about the water wagon and its popularity and inadvertently used the expression dead soldiers an office stenographer who Is paid tor for passing judgment on all our literary and what efforts wants to know what in creation a dead Is a soldier Is the ignorance of these women Is alarm dead soldier ing we no sooner explain to one the meaning ol 01 the expression a water wagon than up bobs an other and interrogates regarding a dead soldier A dead soldier in this sense is not a patriotic individual who has died for his country and lies iles peacefully asleep in the folds of old glory it la Is a beer bottle drained of the amber fluid and cast aside a whisky receptacle from which the dante dantes s inferno has been drained a gin canteen relieved of its snakes or any liquor container which has done all the damage it can and has fallen by the wayside dead soldiers are often found in the city but occur with great frequency and startling postures in the prohibition dis ills tracts occasionally some rural wag will leave one on the ministers front porch as a reminder that the millennium Is still lost to sight in the mirage ahead small boys out gathering pond lillies unexpectedly locate dead soldiers sold bobbing about in the illy pads and use them for fis fl lillne floats A fish which bites a hook suspended from a dead soldier has no more chance of dying a natural death than the man who killed the soldier it Is a cinch tor for the bottle in both instances dead soldiers are sometimes used by mother for away soft soap when johnnie makes a collection for the junk man he empties out the soap and completes the even dozen bottles with the soldier the beer man souses out most of the soap and fills er up again for the mur derous fellow who would rather kill a soldier than be a gentl gentleman emanI 1 0 wit many jokes are told on the country editor the rural scribe being a goo goot natured individual as a class is prone to help the fun along by telling a good one on himself perhaps this is th amenities of reason why he Is so often the brunt of a joke her herd the Is one told by a plate house a firm that send sends plate business out stereotyped columns of reading matter tor for ue use in country papers the buyer does not buy the plate he lie merely purchases the use of it and the metal is to be returned tor for ing and recasting the story Is told to illustrate how often the country editor will in a pinch print aver and over the same plate matter in tact fact it Is 13 claimed that many a country reader grobs gros as familiar with certain articles thus presented as with the editorial card of the paper the plate makers sell the use of plates on a narrow margin and must continually follow up their metal and urge its return it is supposed of course to be used but once the firm above mentioned had sold a page of metal to a certain country editor two years before and was still unable to get a return of the metal at last lasts much exasperated the manager telegraphed the editor and demanded by wire that which did not materialize when asked for by mail during the day la in response to his message came a reply collect you go to thunder them plates ain t halt half wore out yet now whenever a customer protests at the price of plates the manager gets out this telegram and presents it for the edification of the objecting purchaser 1 w A kansas judge has decided that a hypnotist may bury his wife alive it if he chooses why should the hypnotist be denied this privilege when other men are not thus restricted there are some women not dont bury the wives of hypnotists who are enduring what la Is your I 1 as a living death others are as completely wife alive burled buried from pleasure and comfort as the hypnotists wife when underground and more so tor for they have to 10 nice soft cushions on which to recline they never rest in mind and only partially in body they are slaves to a driver who uses the lash by nature woman ip I 1 cheerful and happy it is every husband husbands s duty to preserve in fn his wife these qualities as fresh and roseate as possible his pleasures should be aers and hers his otherwise they are apt to be questionable the hypnotist hypnotists s 11 as a uy to the wives of bome neg lords and masters to |