Show Whet Good Does a Wedding Really Do? A lot Here are some answers “A wedding is a means of social communication a ‘rite of passage' without which the newlyweds are handicapped as they start life together" Family Weekly June 97 1971 Why have wedding guests? Why have a ring? What good does all the “outward show’ of a v adding really do? These questions are being asked more often than ever these days Here are some answers: The ring presented before witness-e- s at a ceremony does not magically influence the heart but it does psychologically influence the couple and the community just as the rest of the ceremony does Couples who are wed in a religious ceremony in the presence of relatives and friends have always been more likely to remain together for a lifetime than those less formally united This is one reason that the custom of weddings—and wedding guests — has remained with us many of its traditions little changed through thousands of years A wedding is a means of social communication often called a “rite of passage” without which the newlyweds are handicapped as they start their life together Back in the days when ' men stole their brides there was no social communication between the couple and the community And today there is still very little when a couple elopes and the marriage is witnessed by strangers In order for the marital rite of passage to be effective the concerned community as well as the bride and groom must be present Today in our mobile society of small families the concerned community may number no more than half a dozen On the other hand when Trida Nixon married Edward Cox in the White House Rose Garden the concerned community was international The wedding guests may feel that they are simply to share a happy occasion to congratulate the newlyweds to enjoy the reception or to satisfy their curiosity But they are playing much more important roles By their presence they are giving their spiritual approval and blessing to the union which is the purpose of the service And they are adding social sanction to the legal union and to its responsibilities to children and the future Parts of the service acknowledge the importance of the guests One part commands: “Whom God has joined together let no man put asunder” Since the guests receive and accept this injunction they are pledged to “The wedding guests are playing much more important roles By their presence they are giving spiritual approval and blessing to the union " the moral support of the newlyweds The solemnity of the service the spiritual blessing and the emotional amtosphere of joyous dedication does more to overcome objections— even those of jealous suitors and disapproving relatives— than any amount of logical argument And all these plus the presence of friends and relaties impress upon the couple that they are taking on adult responsibilities as well as privileges and that the success with which they manage both is important not only to them but to others Everyone at the wedding — the couple and the witnesses —are given a chance through the ceremony to act out their future roles: The father walks down the aisle with the daughter Who has previously been his responsibility and “gives’ her to her future protector Then he joins her mother and the other guests leaving the bride and groom alone together as they will be in the future— no longer a part of their former families but the nucleus of a new family It is at this point that mothers often cry and sometimes fathers too For happy as they may be they are also conscious of their loss The isolation of the man and woman repeating their vows is a dramatic reminder of their changed status They are no longer children and they no longer belong to their parents They are adults who are pledging themselves to each other This is an emotional moment not only for the couple but for the guests as well Unmarried friends are impressed by the giant step that lies before them Married guests are poignantly reminded of both the happiness and disappointments that followed their own vows and of the adjustments that lie ahead for the two at the altar The emotional nature of all this is an important part of the wedding impact Acting out the changed status and new roles symbolically with those who care and are also affected makes ’ |