| Show ''A f : V r - - The popular raconteur visits a people popuIarJiumor-filIe- d and comes backwith these stories for Day SL-Patric-k’s By BENNETT CERF --- 1 ! I F YOU’RE ever lucky enough to brawny Ireland I nopeyou u have oallhlmoathe jax dumiy much fun as my Wile ourtwo Doyvana I win visit - had recently t The ride into the city was an exhilarating one for example Our driver pointed out a” railroad crossing when a guard had left the gate half " open the day beforercauaing atrafflc tie-u- p elear down to O’Connell Street' A policeman finally cornered the guard and demanded “What's the idea of leaving this gate half open?" The guard explained Tm half expeetinga ' -r- train from Galway" at our the driver pointed out hotel Arriving treet’’Watch where you’re going utUe ‘Casey-th- r LiouZ-andTca- the town’s polks forte but his father-in-lawas mayor so then was no way of remedying the uition One night his chief told Mubooney: accidentally Jostled 200-pound- er fr brnlaen-Hhe'yoq- w j sit-iupi- ui ‘- “Tbesarimsiardbecncartingjqq)M'Tut"of for me afternoon snack Now what did lido with v McDonnell’s orchard every night recently and I: me tools? Ah ben they an I I’m that strong I want yon to ambush him tonight" i ' didn’t know I had ’em under mq arm" Late that night MukooneyspjWpa - a man s v The said “Hah 1" and poked Casey sneaking off McDonndTs premises' with a heavy sack over his shoulder' Mulrooney collared him £ Mn the stomach with one linger—' -- ‘Or:—-' and emptied the sack on the ground Out tumbled t Casey yelled like a stuck pig staggered back- -: ward and landed in a heap on the sidewalk a silver tea pet an antique miniature and Mrs 'McDonndl’s Sunday coat “Golly Tm sorry" “’Casey the Lion’” mocked the “One tiny poke and you holler like I’d killed you" apologised Mulrooney “I thought you was steal- vC Casey still supine indicated his solar plexus' W'apples" '!vm and whined “You don’t understud That’s the We also heard about a very tough lad who V wont place in the world to hit a lionP - 200-poand- er -- '200-pound- -- i - 'ic-- - hin ram was the guard at the entrance to a T flossy Long Island estate who barred the way to who an old acquaintance unexShaughnessy enormous an elephant pectedly appeared leading by a halter “Come now Shaughnessy" protested the guard "You know'we dontmlldw no elephants' inhere" Back came Shaughnessy the 'yy day very- - next'1 ' a man in the lobby who once waa silly enough to confess to an editor: “My name is Patrick Dolan but I’m not Irish" “When you get to heaven" advised the editor never say another “just tell ’em your name-a- nd swaggered into a crowded political meeting and - hoDered “Is there a rat here named Donovan?" ‘ word!"'-- ' And how - the Irish love to tell stories about themselves 1 Before I had been in Dublin two days I had these anecdotes for my collection A wealthy American checked into an inn hear Cork and told the proprietor: “For dinner this' evening I’D want a dear soup salmon mayonnaise a rare steak strawberries and cream and ’ Irish coffee" : The flabbergasted proprietor exclaimed: “Sure sir if we had aU them things we'd have ate them ourselves TV Tim Casey a mite of a man flew into a rage A V ' v V leading the same elephant He had however pasted a slice of bread on the elephant's trunk and another slice of bread on its tafl ' “Didn’t I tdl you yesterday" roared the guard “that we don’t allow no elephants in this place?" “So what?" demanded Shaughnessy “This ain’t no elephant yod fooL This is a sandwich! " Officer Mulrooney wasn’t the brightest lad ion J B" ' COVER: “ ‘ ' t S iiix a brisk March day with some sunshine add a father and daughter put in a swing — and wild you get the happy smiles of ' ii' ' this pair photographed by Phoebe Dunn - w s V 1 ‘ 1 - TO A ijJ IL' r ? J tome at UHm Ua abaat SL Ha Y jyt UHHW V WTN geUm-MM- tt ' - AittHUmt e L SSW WiV - Ohm y ttr - Maf fcaMaa- WHt n Hi V- ( 3 PHi is"'? r HUNK Dirt Wm WPMUktr UilUtmm SxrlWaa mmmImNm to- fmlf WnUfi WWUr - wsimiiiMi mi PMUktr mm rmun taaSr ia??' j V teomas & savieow wsum c aasvNS vtet 1SIN Nobody answered Again he hollered even loud- er: “Is there a polecat here named Donovan?" This time a pale skinny shrimp stepped for-ward and announced !Tm Donovan" The tough lad picked him up socked him in the : jaw knocked out six teeth flung him across the bar and walked out CIT £ ' i When the shrimp recovered consciousness he cackled: “Boy did I fool him I ain’t Donovan!" ' finally there was a customer In a Mg store who stepped up to a very 'Irish porter and asked t'Do you know where the chints' ' ' room :“$:' “That I do" replied the porter obligingly— and pointed to a door marked “Gentlemen" auwwanows er jqmh uuesusosaw iPtys ‘ AHOUmSmrj laaOM Ml Uwai Smt 1 Mrsui'Nar |
