Show Family Weekly 18 I960 A noted marriage cndhority sets down this r-r- band Bill was about to enter New' York Medical College and someone had to support the family " "Last : bruJuly Mrs Taylor a pert nette from Brooklyn NY finally got what she sought— a Job as secretary at JOB (Just One Break) a unique organization which finds productive work for the disabled x" T " Mrs Taylor doesn't think she is doing anything extraordinary in putting her husband through ': medical school despite her handicap accept Jt as a matter of course" she says "Wan— T avm my himhand I don't consider it either as my duty or responsibility My husband's career is our future and we have to make it toworking is just one of my contribugether 'My ' — tions" L While Phyllis Taylor doesn't expect any plaudits there has been a trend recently to recognize the efforts of wives above and beyond the call of duty Each year at the graduation exercises of the eve- - " ' cross-secti- 1 ' guide which all wives thought-provokin- g book "Successful American Families" As part of their findings the two social scientists reported: "While we have more broken families we also have many more good ones: These good families are increasing and getting better" Clearly a cornerstone of the successful family is the wife Just what are the criteria for a "good" wife? Each family is unique and has its own pattern and problems But by and large the estimable wife often has some basic characteristics In a survey of 20 leading tions advisers among member agencies of the Fam- ily Service Association- - of America we have gathered a consensus of their views on the subject: The following points not necessarily in order of Importance for every couple may guide young wives just starting out in family life and give other women a better perspective on their own role: afflicted with cerebral palsy Phyllis Although was determined to find a Job Her hua- - ' December on 1 The good wife grown-u- p enough to give as well as to receive has the capacity to provide her husband with emotional support when needed changes and emotional cycles in their lives - 3s Her expectations of what her husband can do are realistic Take the case of Joan and Paul Meadows for example As an orphaned 'child Joan had been placed in one foster home after another Instability jnarked her entire youth! When she married Paul a truck driver Joan realized he had far less education and intelligence than she but he was steady and predictable giving' her the security she needed Joan manages the finances plans for the children and makes the major decisions yet she makes Paul feel he is the boss at home She has never berated him for his Inability to increase his income Joan sees her husband in a true light '' 4 The good wife shares her husband's goals fitting them to her own She is willing to wait patiently for the ultimate rewards In attaining these objectives 'she shares responsibilities as well as pleasures and problems A fairly common case Gould You Win This Good By CLARK W BLACKBURN ning division of New York University's college of engineering the student council presents "Good Wife Certificates" to worthy mates of graduates for their "encouragement collaboration and understanding" At the college four out of five evening students are married The average student takes -- six- years course Usually he spends to-ei-ght -- eer! nights a week in class and much of his weekend in prepa-ratifor It One "good wife" who received"her- - certificate last June is Mrs Mary K Mooney whose husband Terence attended evening classes for nine yeariu During that time the couple had four children and she had to keep them happily occupied while - ±— — — Terence studied "A lot of fellows dropped out" Mrs Mooney ob- served "because their wives couldn't stand the grind I admit at times the going was rough but I wanted my husband to achieve his ambition and becoming an engineer offered a better life for all three-and-a-h- on ' ' - " US" I think the Good Wife Certificate as a tangible token of gratitude is a wonderful tradition I wish there were more like it outside the academic in this country there are probably a vast number who deserve recognition for their superior performance as spouses Far too much attention has been given to divorces and the shortcomings of the female partner It's time we accented her positive qualities ' Dr Carle C Zimmerman of Harvard University and the Rev Lucius F Cervantes of St Louis University surveyed 60000 families for their new to-se- in point is Ambitious a couple 111 call Ed and Betty Jackson to get ahead Ed started as a salesman' in a demanding' business He worked late hours and traveled a good deal Although she was an-noyed and lonely from time to time Betty adapted herself to the' situation She learned to make cas- serole- - dishes that- wouldn't spoil when-h- e came home late and made the most of their few hours together Now that Ed has been made an executive they have household help and more time to spend with each other Recently the Jacksons took a trip to Europe As her husband's partner" Betty had played her role well in his hard climb upward -- -of : ' Of That is she is sensitive to his feelings and moods When he is preoccupied by tensions outside the home she knows he is not rejecting her If he needs praise she's able to offer it In crises she stands by him if he loses his job or fails in a venture she doesn't blame luar entirely but puts him a good face and does all she xan ordeaL the through She understands his impulses even though she may disapprove of his behavior Let me illustrate "- win a case at one of our agencies Barbara had married Fred a widower with a grown daughter and two gnmdchildren Fred tended tq go overboard with financial help to his daughter Last summer he sent both grandchildren to an expensive camp thus depriving Barbara and himself of a longer vacation But Barbara realized that Fred'auiai ter resented his second marriage and perhaps this ' was his way of 'winning her over Instead of ex- pressing resentment Barbara accepted his gesture as a wish to be a good father and grandfather— an emotional need that had to be satisfied 2 -- woridC4-4h380a-wives To be able to give her husband emotional support the good wife develops her own poten tialities as human bring Retaining her indivl uality and independence she may take courses education cultivate her talents or participate in community affairs Thus she fulfills herself as lz— a person and still pulls her oar as a wife At the same time she grows along with her husband expanding her horizons with his and broadening her Interests as he moves ahead She is able- to keep pace with him adjusting to the many and various - : 5 Through the warmth of her affection the good wife helps keep their love alive She sends him off with a Idas In thejmorning and greets him as fondly when he returns To her physical Jove is a symbol of devotion rather than an end in itself and she is aware that such physical need is usually greater in the male The considerate wife lets her mate know that she finds him desirable and never makes him feel Inadequate as a male -- 6 The goodwlfehas a deepabidingon&len! faith in the man she has married She wants oth- era to respect him as she does In a group conver- sauon she permits him to take the lead and doesn't interrupt him constantly or spoil his jokes She avoids criticizing him in public Nor does she dis- parage associates and friends he admires she follows an open-dopolicy for them in her home even if she finds them dull or sometimes disagree- or |