Show Family Weakly February 1 1959 - 1 With more old people in our population than ever before i i millions offamilies are faced unth an agonizing problem schoolteacher who never married to support her mother The white-hairgrandmother who sobs with self-pi- ty children never have time to “the because visit me 'any more” The husband whose home life is shadowed by whose efforts to the presence of a mother-in-la- w futile him are uniformly please Tottering elderly men and women huddled together in the monotonous misery of a “rest home” —while their children complain bitterly about the high cost of keeping them there You know all these people Everybody does They live in every community in America They are part of a most painful personal problem—the relationship of aging parents with their children and grandchildren Every year the problem engulfs thousands of additional families Modem medical science is cording to insurance-compachiefly responsible records 40 years was the normal life span a century ago Today thanks to better public and private health measures the average person can anticipate living to 70 or more It’s estimated that there are 14 million persons over 65 in the United States And the figure may 'r double in the next 25 years Many senior dtiiens reach the twilight of life with empty pocketbooka They can’t live on Social d Security 'and have' no other income They on their children for' support ' ' The children face an agonizing choice Should iriwsna yBi I because ihe has ed ‘ elders be kept in the family circle wearying' by constant demands for attention or should they be placed in an institution or rest home? feeble a wife You’ve heard the small child’s cruel remark: "Daddy says we can't afford a new car because we have to feed Grandma” And the wife’s grumble She’s always that “I can’t stud my mother-in-la- w criticizing me and the children" Equally poignant are the resentments of affluent elders wealthy enough to live alone and shower' lavish gifts on their descendants who nevertheless find themselves ignored by their children- The children are "too busy” raising their own families - and earning a living o yasostick can measure the misery of millions of parents who find their golden years tarnished by real or imaginary neglect by their children Nor can words describe the mental agony of children who must decide what to do with an aged father or mother who depends on them Let's take a look at some typical family case histories concerning this problem John J is a railroad man eligible to retire on pension next January He and his wife Helen would like to sell their home and move to Florida But living with them is Helen’s mother who will soon celebrate her 90th birthday Tm unable to cate for Mother any more” Helen explains tearfully "If we took her to Florida none of us would enjoy it If we paid to put her in a rest home we wouldn't be able to 'get along on r mm Wohn’r retirement income I don’t know what to support their elderly parents? Should going to do about Mother” ny -- rtaatff WwUft Mnw I MIS must-depen- George and Mary & decided they would have to Mo something” about the presence of his feeble forgetful father in their home The old man required so much attention that Mary’s health was suffering and they felt their own three children were bring deprived of a normal family life They drove around week after week seeking a suitable rest home They saw pitiful clusters of faded wrinkled men and women sitting and star- - ' ing blankly at sometimes ramshackle surroundings waiting stolidly for the curtain to fall on their barren existence They learned what Dr Ralph E Dwork Ohio State Health Commissioner meant when he said' T wouldn't put my dog in some of these nursing homes!" Oh yes there were a few somewhat cheerful rest homes But the apparently operators asked from $150 to $500 a month Some insisted on agreement that the parent would be removed immediately if he jwm seriously ilL "Well have to keep him at home and struggle along as best we can” Mary said hopelessly They did—and had difficulty disguising their feeling of relief yhen merciful death solved the problem a year later freeing them of a burdensome obligation Tom end Betty S don't speak to Tom’s brother ' and w any more Their arrangement for Tom’s id father was for die old man to spend three months with each family "He can't get up and down stairs without help" Betty complains "When he gets to their home they help him up to a room in the attic and leave him there until it's time for him to return to us” Betty suspects this treatment is part of a plot to well-manag- sister-in-la- semi-inval- ed |