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Show i mnw mmnaawawijmmMw and I fired my musket so wildly that I UTAH EVENING MAIL. hot our own eolonai In tba leg and surrendered to an Irishman who belonged to our regiment, end who came up to ma to borrow a plug of tobacco. To toll tha truth, I wasnt much of a fighting man, but bow In tbo mischief they A IT MO MY TBI ' . .( found out about that refrigerator gaU ma. Awflil, Isnt it f I wouldn't hava On of lb latotl exploded scandals minded it so mnch, only they got up a ii that nUtlng to Senator Horton, of poster end stuck it around tha streets, Oorarnor of that Sisl and heeded it 'Stretch's War Record,' . Indiana, wb of tha moil officiant and put on It a picture of ma with a ana himself proved monstrous nose silting inside of band "war governor." that naMa qf,fod refrigerator gnawing at a Iwua out AUERBACH'S COLUVj WALKER BROTHERS. LIQUOR DEALERS, niVAT. WrATIM, OI u -- HOUSE. LIQUOR . , a E. C. BOUKOFSKY, EICON D BOL'TU BTUEET, , p Finding that tbo Domoeratla majori-Iworn af tba BUta Legislature In IMS, datarmlnd to. withhold tha means nao-- .. cssery I aqulp tba regiaMnta from that SUtp and get than Into tha laid, Gov. Horton obtained an advanoeof 250,000 from tba National Government, and tba disposal ' of lb la aam aonatltutrd tha ground of tba ebargea made by tha K. Y. World against Mm. Vacantly In tha Senate, tba charge waaaffimtuiallg dlipoaod of by Horton, who abowed by documanU and vouchen of a portion and the f proper aspandiluro a return of tba balance to tba lut penny , into tba traaaury of tha nation. . Senator Anthony, of Rhoda Iiland, commenting on tha eomplatanaaa of Merton's explanation, and on tbo man. f lh for Invaatigation' now ao prevalent at tha wltnaapmaa dasrlbai Washington,' "diachargod employ, broken-dow- n " caatraetova, llllolt dialillan, and diiap-paint- ad of the BOLE AftEXTS FOB along, they accused me of hiving the delirium tremens, uf beating my wife, of g wiping my nose on my ileere, of a bank, of soiling my dead aunt to a medical college, and uf bolding tbc doctrine that tha whale didnt swallow Jonah, and that when Mure crossed tbo Red Sen be peddled over In a boat. Tba Argua said that if my wife dared to toll how I trotted her the oommunity would be $led with horror, but anybody might ate for themselves who would notice thet her back hair wu ail thinned out; aad it said that I had a wen on my log that unfitted me for active, duty anyhow,' even if I had not forfeited all claim to puhlio confidence by turning my grandfothar out of doors whan he wu dying of consumption, and than setting the dog on him and making tba aged man roost in a mulberry tree on tha coldeat night last winter for fear of being eaten up, "People began to avoid m on tha strut. Tha general iuprasaion prevailed that I waa a desperate and hardened villain. I might' have stood that, but you know the way they levied on ina for expanses wu awful. Then was that brasi band. I kept that band in luxury for three months; and It used to com around and serenade ma throe nights in tha week and wake all tha babies in tha ' neighborhood. I lost 200 voles in conwakened kabies. Then those of sequence tba clubs would coma and call ma cut for a speech, and whan I would gat through I would hava to uk thorn in to a feed, and they would stay there and howl until four o'clock in the morning, and got drunk, fight, and smash a. tha furniture, end bleed over tba Then they would assess ma for and adjourn. I handa mus-mutied out cuh for posters, and ruin, and brass bands, and barbecues, and fireworks, and torchlight processions, and for flags, and tha Argus all the time accusing mo of buying up votes and having repeaters in my pay. "Tha night of the election, the bras band and tba club came around to congratulate mo on my euecesi, and after having a final spree and a concluding riot in the parlor, I went to bad, glad I bad won anyhow. Tha first thing I in tha Argus in tba morning waa the announcement that the hoary-head- d ehioken stealer had bean baaton by a 2000 msjority, and would hava to keep bis eccentric nose at home, and spend his lima in reflecting that a free people would never alaot to a responsible office a man who would trot his consumptive grandfather and trafie in tha remains of his aunt. So that lata ma out in politics. Whan I run for office again, you chuck mo right into an insane asulum. 1'hU. DEPADT3IENT. j of bla awoaring and perjury." ' From folsgraphle description it would aoam that FalaUff1 ragged regiment bad bean muatarad ont at Washington, and nil proceed Into tba civil or rather un. h civil aarvica of popular inveatigalion. Never again will the rogues' gallary at in Waeblngton, Pblio hava an opportunity to obtain bom out aldara and from Congreia, ao large (a repreeentation pf tha varied acallawaga of the country. "All ara patriot of ' couraa, they have left their baling placea around tba bar rooma and fro lunches, br their country good. Lika a tire "" loea paok of bounda, whan one victim ia ran down' or ataada at bay, they hunt alp another. Tha appetite br acandal grow with what it bode upon, and ,! there je hardly a public man of either party but what by immanaa or dlroct charge baa been attacked. A lull in tha clamor before tba White Houm tha disappointment or thee who . had hopad to run down tha Fro id ant. In tba rage of parliiaa battle every hatafol paaaion ia evoked and from thin time on until elect loo, wo may aspect to aao tha Ugitlmata bueineaa of tha country noglactad by Congraea, and a vary Fan of iaformara gathered from Bulletin. domonium ,, tha aluma of politico and volubl with tbair biaa taatimony. : Tha demorslixa-lio- n LIVER Y AND FEED STABLES. of tha paopla and tha darangamant f bualnaaa attendant upon our Frost-- " ! daatlal eampaigni randan It daairablo that tba term of tha Presidential office b aitandad to ail yean. ' hoad-quarte- ra car-pot- ng 1 da-not- Dexter SECOND A A ITATlBINIAN'l 1UPF Tha Fat of Mr Itrotch. It waa just after tha foil election that him. His name wu not Stretch so designate him.- Ha . will ; Ibis aorrowfol story in tha aar attentive and aympathi - Stable3 SOUTH STREET, taw door Wait of Walkar Bras. H. E. BROWN, Proprietor, Finest. Carriages J. H. Cutter, J. B. Miller, S. A. OX.OTHS FINE IMPORTED AND SUITINGS - Business Suits, to Order, GIN, RUM, IMPORTED and CALIFORNIA WINES, Choice IS 14 II 44 "No, sir, I'll navar run br offioa again," laid Hr. Stretch. "You know whan they cam and asked ma If I'd accept a nomination to the Legislature Ahy told ma to run, and that I waa certain to b elected bacaus I wu a whose ch a no tar wu ao good that ! ' ' could And bult with it ' I nobody ' thought so myself, and I agroad to run, and accordingly they nominalad ma. r .Wall, air, tha vary nail morning tha Argus came out with an assertion that I bad baaa detected in atealing chickens, and it gave a frill history of tha cate, together with pictures of tha chicken and after , darkly hinting that since abandoning chickaa stealing I had bun continually engaged in other forms of robbery , it asked if tha people of this State wanted Is m a chickaa thief And tba misI; making lews for them. chief of it wu that I did hook a couple of ohickans from my grandmother's aoep who I wu a small bey. but how ia tha founder they aver found it out, i boats m. It wu fifty-tw- o years ago. f, .'.'Mow lack at my nose I It aint muah af n noa for buuty, is it f I wall enough that it's crooked. i know But nobody over alluded to it until 1 wu nominalad, aad then the Argus said that thorn wu a tradition that I had tha aba mashed around sideways during a price fighter, although my earoor mbs people Insisted that I had run it hard against a door while I wu drunk. ! And than all the illustrated papers in tha State began to publish pictures of of an me with a aoso Ilka the jib-shoyster (loop, only twisted around sideways, end aao of thorn said that when I annexed at tbo front porch tha concussion acted lik a boomerang and blew tha back daor a pan. . "And than they tackled ma about my war record. You know I wu out with tha militia. And tha Argus published a 'latter from h mala who said that during tba battle of Gettysburg I wu hid in a v rafrlgaratof in a collar in lb town, protending .that I wu ordered there to meant guard over soma rations ot cold bcaf. And the Argus asserted that the only maamuvro I wu gvor good at wu foiling back, that whenever tbo enemy wu ospeoted to be approaching I alq for Nova Sootia, ways made a and never turned in Until after tha fight oia cad ,th wa war surprised, . WE ARE AGENTS Sec 'uni South Street MYERS Walker Urns, Grocery Department; lie-- t Imported, including the celebrated 8L Louis ileer. h'Uest delicacies ot lb ason served up. opnosit and "Weary Thirsty With tha ehoket of Tobnccn, in all styles and wrigkt. BEST baa-lln- ; : 1 : . - , t f v Removal Miners Delight fuou h!( ' f Ladies Casbmara Cera, Chawing ' ' - Walker Bros. uiftii Jackets - brands of BLACK CASHMIB- X- ; Mi IFXi : LADIE-S'- '' l ' s - A No. 51 Main Street, SIGN OF THE RED BOOT, Linen Suits IV ! i WHOLESALE AND RETAIL DEALERS Leo Hollander Removed IN ALL BRANCHES, t Agents for tba well Good ..Fancy Ladies' and Childran'i Shoes, CMSSLETT BROS., JEWELRY. Plain aad Embroidered, ' MAGNIFICENT A BUOfl.. AND FRINGES, GUIPURE r LACES, a is jy tt , Tory Low k WAKE ' EAST TEMPLE TREET, One Door North Walkar Broa Diamoii For City, Country and Mining Trade. JS mm & MYERS, Oliver Daraai, Halt Lake City. NEEDED 11 VT BOTD TABS JOSLIN & PARK, NOTARY PUBLIC. Jewelers UaitfJ Stain Surveyor ul lioiig Ifiginnr. Manufacturing . mural WATCHES, ! Oiocku, Kto., Kto., . . IT All, ALT LAKE (TTY, . . Floe Native Gold Jewelry . asrsfaUgsad EVERT any time, n Hot Spring furnubvd if desiivd. . HIRE ,. AT Usr-m- ATM. READ. ' v - .(. . JewalfTi , t i & ... i Co. Ordon Bllsd promptly, aad weights trod. Btfl ' !, 63 Rlain St., , guana Will ' it to thalr find advantag alsawhtf Jbaforo purchasing eoh1 Order from honorable treatment gaaraah all-pa- rt tar sale by to O. P. EOWtLL a 00.. Tew Turk, tar Puu: hist of lie soul sa- -l limn of 30(M tvw.pspsra, sTl roMjr-tn- d hewing scat of adsrUsisg.. marT-ljc- a -- WHOLESALE e' Opposite Wolli, Fargo Uta1 , : . .a tou Assomoi : ftOBKBT SMITH Agent., lake. "-'- i fio. GOOD! , . ' AQUATICS. II .. . TO tvMail Dssr Itrlww lb WsMIrb Blsvk. GENTS Cutlery, Pipaa, m - ft Notion,. " . ND- TIOW AND 8AU.DOATSFOR Hosiery, i Ta by tba nr leail. S6.7S Pr Ta Iht yard. OFli'IOE llKMOVED Buck tprtnga (foal also promptly at it- DAT. FAIR PRICES! I Of Xvary Description. arkkVAItlN FAULT SHOE 5 FURNISHING IN TBB MABXETi Invite a eall from our eltiaon. -A- ElLTICffAEr, Aad Chsyrano, Wyoming. Canyon COAL! GOOD GOODS And dsalsra In Worklni plans and estimates for mins and Improvement tarahhsd; will superintend the establishment and worklni of wine- -. lhaeoneentraii n of ore a sperlalty. Ailuinx iwerti carefully and thoroughly surveyed. Inspected and reported upon lieyloxical report aad map furnished aa application. will tnaha out all paper pertaining to the application for patent it mines and mineral laeonneeted with an eminent attorney and aad councilor at law la Washington, who will 1. BOYS1 HATS AND CAPS, The Cheapest and the Best ' Our Motto, . I IRE BOOTS , M.00 Per rod tawrlry, otMUIly nuula to order. Ml JKRTXd JOXUN WILLIAM BREDEMEYER, Bo And all the at ceteras WUtehra, C!ock '- i i -- i Street. MENS AND t LAMP GOODS, At a Groat Sacrifices - The famous cnocuniEs Which they will soil CHAIR. EOIS1 I - I , COAL, COAL, COAL i Watch r?, Clocks, Jewelry, DEALER . -t FANCY AND FAMILY Main al'd- -r- DEALERS IN I nr Juit Moved to No, 59 - - TUNERS BOOTS. N Msinktrost. WITTERS BROS., Bullion. Jim AKD . Special attention paid to Cf the Lett it Styles; alia to Out of the Fira a. LADIES' AND GENTS' FINE GOODSi attended to. dsSirm i I Keep Constantly In Store THE BEST STOCK IN UTAH Settles a Specialty. Kb Orders promptly . ' , MltLINERT CIIISLUTT BBOTIIEIIS. CIGARS To be obtained in the Mar'.i'i- - Receives, Sample and Sella ' - ; AND THE DIAMONDS AND BILVIBWABE, Address gT "GOLDEN HARP Fine Cut. LEO JIOLLANDKB. Salt Lake City, laady aad aalaqala, CONE AND Dry Goods, - ff 11 V. .'V , t In tba city. Our celebrated brand o WINES, LIQUORS, BEERS. E.a., BBSLcaa ONE. - Stock of Tobaccos! And again ready to supply tha C.VCRI.VGES and COIIISSION IEEC HAST. IRON ' 1 Watches and JTswslry KBPAIKKD AMD OLIVER DURANT. Ores FOR- WE CARRY TIIE LARGEST Now Open! . u f a TO Easter the DESERET NATIONAL BANK Ac Best of Horns Market! Emphatically tha boat article for Hiniog Purposes in tha Territory. SALOON, BEST SILVER PLATED Theatre Street, VUWAtDDfl Forchasei in SnnpeuAS Gccds . IMPROVED CANDLE?, OVERLAND HOUSE 99 Always at CalL Coumadlou Sbllng. ' AND ;. Sterling Silver, and BOGEB4 LIVERY STABLE. WEST NEWGOODf : OIIC HAGS, FLAX SEWIXG TWIXE, EXGLISII DRILL AXD LOUIS ORDNER, Pick htee 1, SimmcR' Sledge, L'fclcg SpooifS, TampBEEB HILL, MILWAUKEE ing Bars, SL'cnilla cud Sisal Hopes, Ete lVatchcr, Jewelry, Diamonds City J. K, MORRILL, AND " $40 845 $50 a Best Blooded Stock. DORSES cocoa oooooa ooooa oooooo oooooa Bought, for which Cash will ha paid. Has IB THE DEALER S37 per Suit oaoaoacno Our MINING SUPPLIES embraces tha largest and moat complete stock of STOCK of . . PELTS and WOOL. HIDES, AND LIVERY, In Salt Lnldo price. 'oeerg department ! SPECIAL . 41 I LO WEST PRICES Champagnes, Billers, Ales, PORTER, ETC., Constantly on Hand. Attsnticn givsn to Family Trado. II GREAT '.-- Which wa have just received, and offer at very low BRANDIES, - H.. .v; t u Ross and Cabinet i STREET : Summer & Spring ' of-- Walnvita attention to our New and Elegant Assortment on . TEMPLE EAST 1 but w pound of an r . - rob-bin- . Tba penitentiary and mad houe bad given up their dead in thin general wa mat BRO,, rout buf. "And than, as tha campaign went . office aaakara. cfc MERCHANT TAILORING Two doors wrot of Walker Dim. Grocery Dep't lob-sid- Established . - t. 1 ,fc y F,k Auerbach A |