Show May Salina SunGunnison Valley News Sural Gamblings Cow Burps? bBob Bahimann J Someday we may all be thanking Willie for closing down our public lands to public access spe- cifically making grazing and live- btock management next to impos- tible on our National Forests Be-oreall the livestock men in the area up a lynch mob let me explain iThe reason is cow burps! ! When I was a student at Utah State University was made aware Safa government grant that had been agrigiven to this dolcultural college lars had been made available by the Global Change Division of the United States Environmental Projection Agency to study and this is Jierious business cow burps! This amount is small potatoes compared to the millions that have already been spent on similar studies "It's important to find out how much methane livestock actually produce" said a press release from USU Prior research shows that cow burps might be responsible for 20 percent of global methane emissions and thus a major factor in global warming According to the press release these figures are based on Studies of confined cattle on good quality feed "The pixirer the quality of the forage the more methane produced" As is often the case those who accurately predict future disasters are laughed at and ridiculed Far Side author Gary Larson for example has tried to warn us with repeated illustrations and text His gartoons warn us about cattle farmers and ultimately ruling the world People just laugh and say he's crazy An ancient philosopher my high schixil genetics teacher Mr Clark also taught of cattle's superiority over humans "A gum chewing girl He said and a cud chewing cow are alike in some ways yet different somehow Ah there's the difference it's plain to me now It's the clear thoughtful look on the face of the cow" I've been in touth with a radical group of people who are trying to open the eyes of the human race to the real threat of bovine domina- - ti Thj groilp calls lumselvl the Cleanse Our World of the Bo- vine Ungulate Ruminate Plot ety or COW BURPS Members of COW BURPS claim that the real cause of the extinction of the dinosaurs was cows and his friends started eating cows The cows with their limited physi-e- t cal abilities and thumbs were forced to use their superior intellect to survive They quit burping The result was a catastrophic ice age that wiped out the Attacking the garage by Lori Olsen r We have a has never had a car We cleaned it out garage that parked inside on Satuiday Since Jim was busy elsewhere “we” kids included our two unfortunate still living at home and myself got the kids up a 7 am on the first day of summer break "It just isn’t fair!" they cried I’m sure the neighbors enjoyed our banter so early in the morning The kids com- dinosaurs The dinosaurs were replaced as the dominant species by a warmblooded species with similar intelplained They groaned They ligence It's not uncommon to find dragged their feet like bound prishumans who have brains in their oners in a chain gang finally let the spoiled brats have it with some tails or specimens of gigantic proguilt ridden verbiage The complainportions with brains the size of peas to fell a ing stopped and they worked in Once again cows prey physically superior species Now centuries later their plot to eliminate humans is nearing fruition By burping and warming the earth they hope to flood the major population areas and eliminate life as humans know it HOW CAN I SAVE MONEY By removing cows from rangeAT THE SUPERMARKET? land as President Clinton who must be a life member of COW Answer by: Barbara Rowe Utah Fxtension Family BURPS proposes we can postpone State University the inevitable annihilation of the Resource Management Specialist Brennand USU Exhuman race According to COW and Charlotte tension Fixxi Safety Specialist BURPS the only way to insure the About 15 percent of the average future of mankind is to totally elimi- American household budget gtvs nate all cows while there is still toward meals prepared at home time brown bag lunches and restaurant Cows aware that some people and cafeteria food So if your annual have caught on to their plot have budget is $30000 you and your family probably spend about $4500 a begun recruiting humans I suspect my own kids I have a couple that year on food Here are some tips to help you have learned to burp on demand and are not afraid to demonstrate conserveon your foixl expenditures Don't shop: level of their talents The methane is With someone else (shopping their burps rivals that of cattle Now easier when you're alone) that I think about it perhaps PresiWhen you're hungry or thirsty dent Clinton is playing both sides of (you'll tend to buy more than you the issue considering the amount need) of hot air emanating from the White When you're feeling "blue" (you '11 House Nah he'd never do any- buy things you normally wouldn't buy) thing to hurt the American people even if ft furthered his own agenda ' More often than ohce a week At Convenience stores except for I think I'll contact the (they tend to be more Protection Agency and see if emergencies than supermarkets) they want to install a methane emis- expensive Before you shop: It of kids tester on one sion my Check the newspaper ads for sale ought to be worth a quarter of a items million to me don't you think? food Set a limit for blessed silence for a few minutes Then we started a conversation about Dad It made our work go quicker because we changed our complaints to else We marveled at all of his tools Jim was the one who should have been cleaning up this mess You see he can never find anything in acquired several years ago It’s worthless today because of the advanced technology in the newspaper business So there it sits collectwill not be so ing dust However it easy to throw away We nad to borrow a forklift to get it in the garage Someone was generous and gave it to us for nothing Maybe his wife wouldn't let him bring it home to their garage We were done cleaning and sweeping up by 9 a m Our two kids were smiling again even though they were a bit dusty The sad reality is we still can’t squeeze a car between the junk know one thing! That camera is coming out! Maybe one piece at a time but we are going to be able to park a car in the garage someday maybe even 60s It has a broken spring so when you sit in it you have to be reaily careful or when you lean back the chair will dump to straighten up the tool bench on your head It’s still in the gayou in duWe discovered many tools rage We just couldn’t part with it plicate We decided it must be easier There were also some things in for him to go out and buy a new pipe the garage we didn’t know what to cutter than find the one buried on the do with Snow tires from the truck we tool bench the garage because he always seems to be missing when it is time Answers by: Utah State University Extension Specialists While at the supermarket: Stick to your shopping list can't find a particular item tute a similar item Buy in bulk If you substi- This goes for pasta nonper- canned goods and other planned budget Set aside a small amount for "impulse" items so you don't accidently go over your Clip cou pons from magainesand direct mail ads — but only for products you would normally buy and only when cheaper alternatives aren't available md a store that doubles the value of manufacturers' coupons or allows you to use a store and a manufacturer coupon toward the same item If your grocer runs out of an advertised item ask fora ram check ishable items 312000 sold last year There's the Army field range (stove) An abandoned keg aren't we picked up somewhere-w- e sure what to do with a keg We have table and an old broken a brass bed Jim swears he is going to fix But the biggest mystery of all is the huge enlargement camera Jim He also sayes every extra nail and leftover screw They're jumbled in a tin can here and an old Cool 'Whip container there He can never find the right screw for a repair or nidiruenanuj project ne just buys a new little bag of screws and dumps the extras on the tcp of the jumbled ones Ahhh1 After the subject of Dad grew old we began to analyze our junk We discovered we hoard things It’s easy to say “Take it out to the garage” We just can't bear to throw things out even if something is broken So used broken or abandoned items sit in the garage for a year or so When it's covered with a thick coat of dust it’s easer to throw away We found three broken office chairs in our garage We threw two of them out but we still couldn't bring ourselves to throw out the comfortable orange desk chair from the 70s or Off The lop is tne product of Lon's rambling and disjointed thoughts This conversational style piece may be somewhat exaggerated and does not reflect the opinion of this newspaper Avoid buying expensive snack dinner entrees fixids or impulse products placed at eye level in the grtxery stores A void heavily prepared deli items such as fruit salads or shish kebabs Cutyourown meat and save Precut melons and prepared salad greens more usually aie considerably if pel pound than you buy the whole items and cut and assemble them yourself Stock up on staples Use nonfat dry nulk for baking or combine if For Pay attention to packaging example frozen juice concentrate costs less than juice sold in cartons baked goods Search the section of supermarkets oi bakeries If cans are not pierced or packages are not opened marked down foods are safe to eat and may be a good with whole milk for drinking Havbuv ing powdered nulk on hand will Check displays for reduce emergency trips to the sumore markdowns but be sure they permarket ake a pocket calculator with you are really bargains Sometimes they are regularly priced items in a dif- when shopping ferent kx'ation GUNNISON VALLEY HOSPITAL Healthcare Services purweekly chases List items and approximate costs Be sure it is not over your June 1 meeting to teach how to file comments and appeal Roadless policy special recorded meeting will be Do you know what Clinton's held in Price on June 7 for recorded Land Legacy is? It is a complicated comments that will be part of the set of rules that will prohibit you record We demanded another meetof our ing for Sanpete County residents from accessing national forest A special public So the Forest Officials have agreed meeting was held last Thursday at to hold two more meetings for Santhe Sanpete County Courthouse to pete County Dear Editor: hand out information Only two people came to the Monticello meeting but almost 300 people showed up in Manti People were mad and angry and wanted answers but the Forest Service officials couldn't answer most of them because they are only doing what they are told A Envionmental Impact Statementand other printed materials were given to those who arrived early We were told that the meeting was not to "receive" comments but A rather to hand out information Another informational meeting will be held at the Snow College Greenwood Student Center 270 East College Avenue in Ephraim beginning at 6:30 pm where Forest Officials will explain the current and last of three rules (Roadless Area Conservation Rule aka Clinton's Land Legacy Proposal) which means no more road building or extreme road maintenance It also means no more timber harvest The Federal Government will accept public comments on this rule until July 17 We have asked officials to explain at this meeting how to comment and how to appeal the Road Policy Rule (the road decommissioning rule) that has already been put in place but not signed into effect If it sounds complicated it is I feel it is one of the kxils that Mike Dombeck Chief of the Forest Service has done to keep the public confused until Clinton reaches his objective this November Please plan to attend the public informational meeting on Thursday June at 6:30 pm in the Snow College Greenwood Student Center We will announce at the meeting when and where the Sanpete County official public hearing to accept public comments will be held Paula Visiting Specialists & Public Health Services For June Brewer Jeetpe of the Week “ yi Easy Sherbet Dessert V-- from Carole Mathews 2 c fine vanilla wafer crumbs Vi c melted margarine or butter Wc gallon softened orange sherbet (or lime etc) Whip thawed chopped pecans (optional) 12 oz Cool c any flavor raspberry “ wafer crumbs and butter together Press into a 13” baking dish for crust reserving Vi c for topping Mix sherbet end Cool Whip together well and spoon over crumb Crust smoothing to level Add nuts to remaining crumbs and sprinkle over top Freeze 12 hours or more Remove about half an hour before serving to soften a little Ask for Kim Hilburn at Gunnison Valley Hospital for an appointment Mix Have a recipe like to enter? you’d To enter please send a copy of the recipe with a short explanation of why it’s along so special Mail your entries to: Gunnison V alley NewiSallna Sun PO Box 189 Gunnison UT 4434 )R COPY Dr John Jackson Call for an also available appointment 6 at the MONROE CLINIC 260 East Center Street Monroe Utah My mother lives in Arizona and uses this fora light refreshing dessert on a hot summer day This is her recipe and one of her favorites 4 J |