| Show THE OAKLAND DONT SHOOT FIRST BASEMAN GARLAND TIMES UTAH Back Yard Beach' With Barge Sandbox UNLESS Childhood Memories Drive Batter Berserk TO YOU WISH By H A PSYCHIATRIC (Wherein ing shot tioned for Doctor— Elmer TwitcheD tint baseman U reasons) Now then I want and let your thoughts relax freely Elmer— Are you a good iatrist? Doctor— Yes I never first base in my life to Elmer— What EXAM havquesyou run psychplayed position did you play? Doctor— I was a southpaw pitcher in my college days Elmer — That does Itt I most have my gun back Please It rests my my gun! nerves so! Doctor— Quiet! help you out of a L SWITCHED TO THE MINORS BE PHILLIPS You shot a to prison ballplayer and can go Elmer— Do they put paople In prison for shooting ballplayers? Doctor— If they didn't some clubs would be bumped off in a single afternoon Now listen there must be a psychopathic reason for what you did As a child how was your life and you'd better make home Fm trying to Was there for Instance very serious jam It bada Christmas ever when your folks spent S3 on your brother for a first baseman's mitt and only S3 on you for a book? Elmer— That could have done It 'MiRACLES CSvwdt sought the Master's healing touch followed Him down lane and field every ailing seeking one Who came to Him was healed THEY O Mailer Still today we come: The great throngs down the earthly roads We bear our sorrow and our pain We Stoop beneath our heavy loads We pray and often grief is Stilled And pain becomes a Strange paSt thing Our loads are lifted many' times Even from our remembering And these are miracles as great As those far ones on sea and land All healing all release dear Lord Comes from Thy hand Thy unseen hand Doctor— Did your father ever read the baseball summaries aloud? Did you ever live In Brooklyn back In the days of those eccentrio Infields? Wss anybody In yonr family a baseball fanatic? Elmer— I had an uncle who used to recite that Costello thing entitled "Who’s on First?" Doctor— Good I’ll maka a note of that In your infancy were you ever chased with a ball bat for not your homework? doing Elmer— I seem to remember something like that And I recall that ns a little child I was taught to walk too early I developed an aversion to walks Doctor— That would explain it if In ichool did you shot a pitcher teacher who wore you ever have a mask and chest protector? No but I had a kindeElmer— a carried who principal sawed-ofbat and inflated be bad been ordered to bunt Doctor— In your Immature years did you ever play softball? Elmer — Yes I was such a poor hitter I never got to first except when hit by the pitcher And I never got to second because there wasn’t a 300 bitter on the team Dector— Now It’s nil cleer If yen ever were te get Is second boss yen knew yen weald bars to shoot the first The Idea took posbaseman It beesmo session of yen! You couldn't raan urge! Wo can 'explain It! cist everything to the court Yen nro as good as free rgarten The BEST ALIBI Fiction Corner BT rS INEZ GERHARD that Is regarded as the outstanding special events reporter in radio and television Starting as an announcer he was switched by NBC to special events reporting and climbed to the top of the heap He has covered everything from to golf presidential inaugurations matches UN sessions to eclipses In Brazil is much sought after as NO WONDER Ben tom had been MAX SANDERS at valued of Jewels $30000 The Jewela were kept In a wall safe behind a picture in Max’s the on located which was study Hills second floor of his Beverly home was asInspector Ray Beatty signed to the case Leo MacDougal a police officer been had who from summoned his beat showed Beatty Inspector evidence that had thus far been discovered First there was a ladder placed against a window that opened into window Thi a aecond floor hall had been discovered open Beatty told MacDougal Inspector to summon all the servants Then he questioned them They all had good excuses Sid Firbush a secretary had spent the night at the Edwards with a friend movies the butler had read in his room unreturned til Mr and Mrs Sander from a party when he admitted the them It BEN GRAUER emcee for radio and television Pleasing permicrophone sonality and ’’tha gift of gab" have him make a success but the helped most Important factor is his profound knowledge of politics sports science literature — psychology practically everything he needs to know shows Paulette Goddard that aaya curves are coming back into fashion ao far ai tha girls of the because country are concerned men like womenly women Paulette has practiced what she preaches she put an 10 pounds for her role as the wayward heroine of Columbia’s "Anna Lucasta” to make the lady alluring lays aha looks and feels ao well she’s going to keep “them a drama in CBS’ "Green Lama" aeries included two feminine nd suspects named Susan Leslie only a few of the intimate friends of writer William Froug knew that he was announcing the birth of his daughter Susan Leslie When 100000 gallons of water and nlnt days work by more than 100 technicians produced the cloudburst which menaces Marguerite Chapman and little Natalia Wood in "The Green Promise’’— all dona on a huge stage Indoors at RKO was right after that that Mrs Sanders went te the safe te replace the Jewels she had wern and found the ethers gone Martha Greene the housekeeper had been in her room all evening Her room waa located on the second floor She had gone down to the kitchen about 10 o'clock for a bite to eat and found Viola tha maid there with her boy Martha had friend Returning passed Edwards’ room and seen Edwards sitting by his table reading dismissed BEATTY INSPECTOR and went back to the atudy He examined every inch of it Then he went into the hall and examined that He also examined the window and the ladder and tha ground below the window It had rained a little the night before and he found some footprints beside the ladder They looked lika men's footprints Inspector Beatty sought out Sid Firbush He asked the secretary if Max Sanders held business conferIn his study ence Firbush said that he did "The chances are then that te he’s had occasion open the safe when others were pres- ent?" "It’a quite likely" "I want as complete a list as you can make me of all the people you’ve known to be In the study during the past month" Inspector Beatty left Sid Firbush making out the list summoned MacDougal and went down the hall Ha entered one door after the next first knocking to maka sura the room wai empty Presently be r turned to the halL bearing a pair of shoes Carrying the shoes he returned the study and asked Firbush if were his shoes "Why yes’ said Firbush "Why? Where did you get them?" I closet "Out of your eenrehed the closets of all the servants till I found n pair of shoes with some mud on the soles It was you who committed the robbery “You’re crazy That’s a cockeyed theory The robber came up to they the ladder" "No’’ said Inspector Beatty “that’s only what you expected us to believe That’s why you put the ladder there and left the window open The robbery was committed before there you placed ladder the Elmer — Goody I Goody! Can I have my gun back? Doctor— Probably but ws may have to twitch you to some other lesguet so President Truman says there la no depression If you are out of work tt la all a rod herring s Milton Berio and his former wife Joyce Matthewi separated In 1047 were remarried tho other day The ceremony was disappointing to ua as no Texaco quartette showed up to sing tho wedding march It wai one time on a Berio program where tho other performer got equal billing Everything went off smoothly BIB Surrogate Collins who presided refraining from opening tho ritual with ’TsB Fm what ya gonna do" VANISHING AMERICANISMS: "Ail need 4a steady work have a good bank account" - "We’ll give you one month during alterations" rent ‘‘Boyi’ 6uita! "Let’a live over Nothing within our ’Tvs got 60 dollars nightclub" to free Tobacco Important In Marshall Plan Is Present Of Tobacco Prop Fanner Tobacco from thn time of tho Virginia colony has marched along as an Intimate part of the American story to the present day In the wake of World War II as the United States emerged the strongest economic power the American cigarette became temporarily a universal wampum — the chief currency in both Berlin and Burma "You have a cigarette economy a member from Paris to Peking told the house of commons in 1946 John Rolfe husband of Pocahontas would be astonished if he could see what he started when he brought in the seed of modern toIn 1948 the United States bacco made about 387 billion cigarettes and the tobacco industry directly paid in excise and import taxes nearly two billion dollars From Virginia and Maryland the fields growing over 25 tobacco types have spread into North and South Carolina south Georgia and $12” income" an easy to build HERE’Sthat gladdens the heart of tiny tots and small fry It’ a barge boat that can be used as a wading pool Its simple construction eliminates the need for anything more than a hammer and direcsaw Complete tions and full size patterns insure building in a minimum of time also are printed Painting guides full size on the pattern These can be traced directly on the finished boat and painted with the colors suggested in the pattern All lumber needed is stock size and can be obtained at lumber yards everywhere Send 35c (or Barge Boat Pattern No to Pattern Company Dept PleaaantvUle NY Might famous than It Is today This Argentine mountain might have as the world’s been renowned highest peak According to World Book encyclopedia Aconagua in the western mountain highest hemisphere erupted many centuries ago with such force that it totally destroyed its summit and all signs of its volcanic crater let’a go to on Values Keep Posted the ads Reading By 110 LAXATIVES northern Florida Connecticut and Massachusettes and the great Baccalaureate area of Tennessee Kentucky Gentlemen of tha classes of 1949: and the north bank of the Ohio I am going to scrap the platiAmerica and the world have old rhetorical tudes ignore the pat- smoked the tobacco In pipes terns and skip anything resembling and snuffed cigars and cigarettes baloney balonus it in powdered form yuid chewed It The "chaw’ is the most AmerIt wUl be a novelty I am sura to hear a baccalaureate a little dif- ican of tobacco habits European ferent from tha one delivered last visitors have looked upon this habit with In 1947 addicts disgust year I give you these three words of three and tour chewed 100 million pounds of letters which rato paramount Im- bacco In the struggle ahead: The cigarette Is the prime favorportance "Use your head!" ite The modem cigarette as we know it was created almost on the eve of World War I The formula for the popular brands sounds apBy petizing and nutritious They mix with the bright leaf some Turkish H Wilkinson Richard tobaccos much sweetened Burley and some Maryland A quantity of or its equivalent preglycerine serves moisture The whole is You “How do you know that? made tasty with such flavors as can’t prove it” chocolate augar rum licorice "I won't have to What I can and products or chemprov la that no on cam up tha icals ladder It rained last night There The cigarette has even wooed was mud There’s mud on your many of the ladies away from their shoes The shoes fit the footprints at the foot of the ladder Yet there pipes or snuff ofsticks Tobacco is considerable imla no mud at all on thef rungs of the in the Marshall plan— ladder If there had been I would portance and the Marshall plan is the preshave probably been fooled and not ent prop of the tobacco farmer been sure that some one Inside com- mitted the theft the best alibi I man with whom Besides you had checked with the you aaid you attended the movie He broke down and confessed everything" was amazed After MacDougal wards he laid to Beatty: "I didn’t know you checked with Firbush’ friend When did that happen?" "It didn’t" said Beatty SSWOID PUZZLE Have Been Highest If Aconagua hadn’t "blown its top” its name might be far more When that new musical opens in New York the cry of the seat seekers may be "frlvo me Liberty or give me Elsa Mo Kate" LAST WEEKS Chlordane Will Rout g Ants One hundred cent kill of per ants has been tained with chlordane under controlled tests conducted by entomologists working under the sponsorship of the Colorado agricultural research foundation Dr George M List head of the HAPPY HOW-SA- cubic centimeters per nest produced the desired results Spraying the material Into nests at the entrance and working the nozzle through the soil forming the nests proved to be the most effective method of application The problem of the ant Is often overlooked or underestimated List said If there are 10 such nests on one acre and each nest has made barren one square rod In addition to the seed robbed from adjoining a plants goodly per cent of the acre produces little or no vegetation YS 79-E- fHad to fight constipation the last 50 years Nothing hel ped Then I got wiae to eating KELLOGG’S every morning Almost at once I had results No laxative for last 5 months 1" writes Mr J Wenig 7723 So Mich Ave ChiOne of many cago unsolicited ALLBRAN letters Are you constipated due to lack of bulk in the diet? Tasty may help you Eat an ounce daily drink plenty of water If not satisfied after 10 days send empty box to Kellogg’s Battle Creek Mich DOUBLE YOUR MONEY BACK! Yodora checks perspiration odor THE Made with a fare cream bate Yodora is actually toothing to normal skins No harsh chemicals or irritating alts Won’t harm skin or clothing Stayi soft and creamy never get grainy Try gentle Yodora— fed the wonderful difference! jl department of entomology reports three per cent chlordane applied as a spray in quantities of 250 to ANSWER 300 ACROSS 1 Praia 6 Antelopes (Tibet) 9 Otherwise 10 Leather flask for oil 11 Metal tag 12 Explosion 14 Music not 15 Stitch 17 Sandar Entire amount 21 Cushion 24 Decimal S Employs 4 Dishearten 5 Sailor 26 Chinese 2 6 18 Wayside hotel 23 28 entrance Panted Long and tiresome Highway Curve Music not Attempt Before unit 27 silk Funeral plla 29 Indehlacant 7 Armadillo An Eaat Aslan herb tree 20 Male aheep 22 Molybde- num (aym) 23 Min (slang) 11 Melody 13 Trampled 16 Good- humored practical 19 30 31 S3 34 37 Joking River (Afr) fruit At a distance Estimates tha worth of Doctrines Percelv by tha ear Utter sharp bark tree 45 Water god (Babyl) Marked with lines 40 Egyptian dancing girl 41 Search 43 Carried on the body 46 Owing 48 Sorrow European Com Borer Reduced Crop in 1948 Mechanical Cleaner Suggested for Bams If you’re building a new barn or an old one it would remodeling be a good idea to include plans for r installing a mechanical bars 47 Weaken 49 Oatrlch-U- bird Poke 60 51 Fermented That'a the advice of M W Forth an engineer with the University of Illinois college of agriculture Forth cy it would pay to make provisions for a barn cleaner even though plana might not caU for one right away liquor from rice 52 Me The European com borer reduced the 1948 crop of field corn by 85 million bushels the US department of agriculture announced in DC Survey Washington recently completed by the bureau of entomology and plant quarantine with cooperating agencies indicate this loss in corn production la mors than double that of 1947 30 32 33 36 38 39 Expression of sorrow 42 An evergreen 44 Aaawor te Patslo (Jap) Observes DOWN L A atory from tha past PUZZLE NO I TT W — itfnii MMM I Relieve distress (iiiif'tii 111 of MONTHLY FEMALE WEAKNESS Are you troubled by la tree of female functional perlodlo disturbances? Does this make you suffer from pain feel to ntrvout tired— et auch times? Then o try Lydia X Plnkham’s Vegetable Compound to relieve such symptoms Plnkham'a baa a grand soothing effect on one of women's most important organtt J IVDIA E PIKKHAM’S comVouno For You To Feel Well S4 bean avsry days avary day ek aavar atoppfnr the kidneys Sitae waste wetter from the blood II wo ro people were aware tt bow tbs Wuat aoestaatly rowova kidneys Said exoM adds sad ether waste matter that eeaaot stay ie the blood without iajttry te health there would bo hotter aaderatsadinr et why the whole ryetew Is apeot when hide eye (ell te (uactiee proparty Bure in I treaty or too (requent sometimes warns that aoeesthine la wraaf Yoa may Buffer aacrinc headaches dlttlnem rheuwatla peine fetUnf up at nifhta ewelhof Why aot try Dotn'e PiUtl You will be hs(b( a medians recommended tha over Don't stimulate the country tho ol kidneys and kelp them te flush out poisonous waste (row the Mood They eoetaia aothlnf harmful Get Dees' today Uas with ooafldanew At aH dntf stares HilMiiima |
