Show ' J ' tr ' 'VrX'’ f 'v: A' i HIS MIND UP IN CLOUDS THE Professor Imagined Appeal Waa From Fldo and tha Situation Becanno Embarrassing ' A great lover of animals Professor Dryasdust waa much given to having his pet dog sitting beside him at meal times eating tidbits from bis own little plate The other evening he waa at a dinner party and his partner was a very great lady who ’was proud of her FARMVIUEAFFAIRS Events of Importance Happened and Were Duly Noted By DONALD ALLEN There was more excitement In the sleepy old village of Farmvllle than had been known for 20 years before title Event had followed event until DeaBut the professor paid absolutely no con Chambers had stood on the post attention to her His mind had office steps and wiped the sweat from switched off on to some abstruse point his brow and said: and he was lost to the world over the “By heck if this thing keeps up we problem shall have a railroad and dry goods The duchess did not approve of this drummer In here before we die!” and presently to attract bis attention The events were of Importance she pulled him gently by the sleeve enough to be recorded In chronological Then the professor woke up Graborder: chicken bone from bing a First the widow Bevins sued Elder his plate he thrust it under her Jarvis for and was startled nose given a verdict of one hundred dollars “Don’t bother Just now Fldo!" he That was ten dollars a for the year aid curtly “Here take this and go ten years he had been courting her and eat it on the mat like a good dogclose on the heels of the Secondly gie!’ widow's suit had come a gale of wind that had twlBted the spire of the BapJUDGE CURED HEART TROUBLE tist church until it resembled a gigan tic corkscrew Some of the congregaI took about 6 boxes of Dodds Kid- tion were In favor of a new spire at ney Pills for Heart Trouble from once and others argued that time which I had suffered for 5 years I should be to twist it given Providence had dizzy spells my eyes puffed back at its own expense was my breath In the third place Aunt Hannah short and I had Doty who laid claim to being a sevchills and backenth daughter of a seventh daughter ache I took the that the Judgment day was predicted pills about a year only thirty days off No one put en ago and have had tire faith in her prediction but a Bible no return of the man had come along and sold 28 of Am the palpitations good books in one day and each now 63 years old hook was conspicuously displayed on able to do lots of the parlor center table manual labor am Fourthly Mr Gerald Walters and weigh about had come down from the man young 200 pounds I feel very grateful that city for the fall shooting and was I found Dodds Kidney Pills and you There was stopping at the tavern may publish this letter if you wish to nothing but a few stray chipmunks am serving my third term as Probata shoot but Mr Walters wasn’t making Yours truly Judge of Gray Co any fuss about it He was the first PHILIP MILLER Cimarron Kan fall shooter that had ever appeared Correspond with Judge Miller about in the village this wonderful remedy Fifthly Mr Walters hadn’t been Dodds Kidney Pills 60c per box at but four days shooting at chipmunks your dealer or Dodds Medicine Co when Miss Kitty Dorland came down Buffalo N Y Write for Household from the to stay with her grand city National also music of Anthem parents for a few days Hints There was (English and German words) and re wondering and guessing over her and dpes for dainty dishes v All 3 sent free for several nights after her arrival Adv GREAT OPPORTUNITY — W ' &' wild man who could run down an os trich had said to his employer: “I’ve got to have my back salary tomorrow or I quit!" “I’ll give you ten of It If we have luck" was the reply "I want every stiver of It!" “What’s biting you?" “I’m not playing wild man for my Eddie! Come an help cent’s worth of candy stand by and watch me BADLY BURNED ON me an se- I’ll eat it” LEG St Redwood Cal— “My daughter tipped a basin hot water on her leg between knee and ankle She was burned so badly in places as large as a man's hand that the skin was loose The appearance of the leg was dark red I applied the Cuticura Ointment at once I removed the and put on a bandage r hours later openbandage ed the water blisters applied more Cuticura Ointment and bandaged The Bkln did not come off and again I did this until she was completely I did not let her walk much cured until it was healed She did not complain after the first day and after the Cuticura Ointment was put on slept as usual The scars are gone Cuticura Ointment entirely cured her” (Signed) Mrs E O Chapman Mar 12 200 Fuller of He Couldn’t Gain a Foot did not go many of the householders to bed until the unholy hour of 9:30 It was generally considered that had been reached and that the must now gradually sub excitement side They were all wrong bills were posted for a cirSixthly cus to show at Farmvllle It was the usual Mammoth Aggregation but it had one feature never shown before in on the face of the globe It any circus had a wild man from Africa who lived on raw meat and bananas and who had to be kept chained In a cage The name of the wild man was ‘‘Zam’’ He consumed sixteen pounds 1912 of raw meat daily and on top of that sold Ointment and Cuticura Soap three times a week he devoured a Sample of each bunch of bananas throughout the world Address Skin Book free with He was the man wild or "Cuticura Dept L Boston” tame this worldstrongest ever saw Adv He could kill an elephant at one blow He could run down the ostrich Jackson’s Relief or lion limb from limb At a tear a met his friend Wilson (who has whom he hasn’t seen for some time) — certain point in the performance he would be taken from his cage by three Let me see you knew poor old men and paraded around the ring didn’t you? For three or four days previous to Johnson— Yes I knew him well Wilson— Then you will be pleased the circus all work In and around and for the to hear he Is out of his misery at last Farmvllle was stopped Poor first time In twenty years staid old Johnson— You don’t say so old fellow but I always thought he citizens forgot to shut the hen house On would pop off suddenly When did door or feed the pig at sundown ' the morning of the great day itself the he die? that Deacon Wilson— Oh he’s not dead It’s his strain was so Intense was Impelled to say from Chambers wife the postofflce steps: “I guess the outside world will know Suspicious is after this! I’ve where Farmvllle me?” “John do you love told you fellers that we’d have our “Yes" boom when the sign come right and “Do you adore me?” here she are!” “I a’pose" It wasn’t much of a circus even for “Will you always love me?” “Yea— look here dear what have a village There was an aged elephant sent i wreck of a camel and a giraffe whose you been and gone and ordered Inme now?”— San Francisco Examiner neck reached out for anything eatable while the tumbling and riding could have been beaten by a lot of farmers Unconscious Verity story of boys The wild man was the draw “Was the Indian Bcalping He was In his cage In the procession Tom's thrilling?” nil right and now and then he beat It was “Thrilling? his breast and called out But things had happened the day beso of speaking I know of no manner fore that the publie hadn’t eaught on offensive as tffat of giving praise and to In driving across the country the closing It with an exception— Steele COST MILLIONS OF ' DOLLARS Write for Our New Catalogue health!" “You know you can’t strike another job If you leave me while I can get a dozen fellows to fill your place" That was about all except that “Zam” planned a plan to be carried out at Farmvllle and It was carried out He went ahead and ate his raw meat and bananas and shouted all right but when he was taken out ot his cage to be paraded he whispered to his employer: “Do I get the back salary!" “Go on with you!" “Do I get it?” “Nit!” Then occurred a thing that never on this green earth before happened and will never happen again “Zam1 threw off his yoke of slavery then and He He whooped there He yelled cast away his chains and afterrfelzing Aunt Hannah Doty by the body and throwing her across the sawdust ring he made a break for the tent entrance and went running down the highway No No more raw meat and bananas! more "greatest exhibition on earth" for the Ringtalled Circus But what has all this to do with Miss Kitty Dorland and Mr Gerald Walters? Simply that Mr Walters didn’t know that Miss Kitty was within a hundred miles of him and vice versa Simply that Mr Walters was at the circus and Miss Kitty wasn’t Simply that Mr Walters came very near beinstead of Aunt Haning nah Simply that when “Zam” left the tent Mr Walters was at his heels and Miss Kitty was walking In her grandfather’s daisy covered meadow a mile away Mr Walters was a good sprinter and he put forth every effort to overhaul the dangerous menace striving to from bondage and become He to a peaceful community couldn’t gain a foot but he was game to hang to the trail as long as he could The wild man took the middle of the highway and held It until he came opMiss Kitty was posite the meadow sitting under a tree weaving a wreath for somebody’s brow “Zam" wanted to get to the woods to shake off pursuit and he must pass her within She saw him — she shrieked few feet — she sprang up — she saw Mr Walters lumbering along and then she fainted and keeled over Something told her that it was a wild man from Africa and that he Intended to make cat’s meat of her and it was quite sensible of her to faint She fainted so quickly that she didn’t hear him call to escape terror her: “Hi lect a let you BAD ROADS I’m only a “Don’t be scared Missy! man In disguise!” And she was dead to the world as he checked his pace long enough to add: “I don’t blame her a darned hit! ten Hope it will cost old Ringtail bones extra!” “Zam” got into the woods and pursuit was oft Mr Walters puffing and blowing came up to find a good looking girl huddled among the daisies and he ran to a brook and got water In his hat and sopped her face making the usual mess of it By and by Miss Kitty found herself sitting up and saying: “Oh that horrid thing!” “But it’s gone" “And you were so brave! Please take me home” At a slow walk and leaning heavily on his arm grandpa’s was reached It was reached again that evening and the next day and the next In fact Mr Walters felt It his duty to pay a call at least once a day until sure that the wild man had returned to his mother And all this resulted In in Michigan from the Deacon Chambers speaking postofflce steps for the third time and saying: “Darn my hat but what do you fellers think now?” “What is it?” “That chipmunk killer and the gal that fainted away are slttin’ up nights together and If that don’t mean love and marriage I’ll saw the horns off my best cow!” (Copyright 1912 by the McClure News paper Syndicate) Quick Answer Barbara’s mother wished to teach the little girl the precious lesson of so she allowed her to eat two chocolate creams then she put a third one on the table and said Now Bab this is yours too but I want you to save It While I am out of the room you say ‘Good St Joseph help me!’” When the lady returned there was no chocolate cream In sight Barbara withhowever offered an explanation out being asked Oh mother” she cried dramatically said ‘Good St Joseph help and he Bald ‘rtelp yourself little ust help yourself’ So of course I me girl did" — LIppIncotts New Theory Regarding Cocoanuts The Fort Scott Tribune tells of ft small boy in that town who was readbook and between every line he a ing would ask a question After he had got through asking “Why Is a cow?” the father got disgusted and said: Now Frank I will let you ask me ust one more question then you will to be still” In a few minutes have Frank looked up and asked “Papa do cocoanuts grow?" “Why certainly The boy my son" returned the man looked puzzled for some time and then he returned “Why I thought monkeya laid them” LAKZ CITt 100 Main Stret - S3 The man who puts his best forward never has many kicks foot com- ing If you can not come the bank this bank will come to you BAD ROADS CAUSE No matter where you live you can do business here throunh our department Write lor booklet telling bow Put St or more NOW in a savings account and watch It grow at per cent compound Interest III Walker Brothers Miiiiii'i'll Bankers "Tinrinni BIG WASTE Declares That $35000 Be Loet In nois Unless Antiquated Methods Are Changed Ssiijjja Lake Halt City A Tower Founded Illi- Bankers farmers automoblllsts educators labor and business men from all over Illinois met at Peoria the other day and approved a unanimously general program for “pulling Illinois out of the mud” After three rouBlng meetings they prepared a resolution to the next state legislature setting out the lines on which they think state legislation should be based The Illinois highway improvement ROAD CARING FOR FINANCES commission which called the meeting declared will be wasted in Most Modern Methods Urged foi Fi- Illinois $55000000 during the next twenty years and Mainnancing Construction unless the present antiquated methtenances of Thoroughfares ods are changed To prevent this waste the confer Realizing the need for the most urges the creation of a small modern methods of financing the con- ence to replace railway commission struction and maintenance of public state the present army of local commissionroads In the United States Lee ers more active assistance by the treasurer of the United States state for more lines the and trunk has accepted an invitation to preside Insistence by the publie on good of section the over the finance roads American Road congress It le proposed that prisoners In the In an Interview just made public Mr McClung calls attention to the state penitentiaries be used not only the preparation of road building urgent need for the Introduction of re- for materials as at present but If possiforms In the management of road ble for actual construction work finances “My observations” said Treasurer through the state It to follow the Colorais in believe that to “lead me proposed McClung few instances Is the do method using the honor system comparatively out with same care taken of funds for road im- and sending the gangs provement as 1b taken by financial in- guards The legislation recommended by tha stitutions for private enterprises The same care and Judgment displayed by conference would provide: In the State and county backers In making Investments should and maintenance of be shown by state and local highway construction of main highways and bridges departments In the expenditure comA nonpolitical state highway public moneys for the improvement mission of at least three competent and maintenance of roads Legislation and regulation should bo be urged members who shall devote their enIn each state as to provide for the tire time to their duties In such counties as Improvement levying of road revenues on carefully of elect to come under the provisions prepared estimates for the Introduction of simple yet thorough systems the law of main continuous Intera for cost keeping of accounting and county highways connecting county system of regulating bond Issues seats and other important cities prinwhich would insure economy and wise cipally at the expense of the state and business management county such roads to be selected and worth Improved by county authorities sub“As one of the possibilities considering I might simply refer to ject to the approval of the state highthe sinking way commission arid after Improvethe difference between fund method and the serial bond meth- ment to be turned over to the state od as applied to bond Issue — and their for perpetual maintenance maintenance and conrelative merits” Improvement Mr McClung said that he was very trol of remaining roadB (about 80 per much gratified to note the activities cent of the whole) under supervision of the various state bankers associa- of county and township authorities He measures Effective to guarantee tions In the good road movement believes that the financiers of the maintenance after roads are once concountry have a great deal to do with structed movement the road the Use of the state automobile tax toalong shaping the hope gether with such other funds as the right lines and he expresses association legislature may appropriate In the imthat every state bankers will have Its representatives at the provement of highways Use of state prisoners — under state conference on road finances which will be held at the American Road con- direction — on an honor system In actual road work when practicable gress Payment of all road taxes In cash of all earth dragging Compulsory CAUSE OF WILT IN APPLES roads Proper construction and guarding ol Skin Is Rough and Porous and Not crossings at railroads and Intersection Covered With Coat of Wax as of street and highways Other Varieties Are The "platform" of the conference InEver since russet appleB have been cludes resolutions In favor of federal New aid for postroads and national highRural Yorker the grown says storways and calls attention of Illinois they have the fault of wilting in to this position It was It Is constitutional with them congressmen age Their skin rough and porous and devised by the committee headed by not smooth and covered with a coat W G Edens of the Central Trust If company president of the association of wax as all other kinds are Jesse Taylor of Jamestown O told anyone will scrape the surface of an ordinary apple with a knife he can the the convention the difference beand easily see that a white wax Is gath- tween hauling cost In Belgium In some cases it is America 13 cents a mile a ered on the blade meant In this year’s very noticeable and may be gathered waste of $137500000 Into a little ball farm crops alone wax made to shine by This may be "Think about It" he said “and then rubbing the apple skin and this Is do something work for local aid and often done by retail fruit dealers and state and federal aid Joe Cannon be exhibitors at fairs to enhance their lleves in federal aid now because he's But it lessens their keeping beauty heard from home and If he can be resquality because of taking off some of cued by the folks at home you ought The to do nature's protective covering for the other sinrussetr have almost none of it and ners” something or therefore their Internal moisture The farmers’ viewpoint was present juices easily pass out The way to ed by A H Grout head of the Illinois prevent the wilting Is by storing the Farmers’ institute labor’s by Edwin apples In a very damp place But It R Wright state federation president must be cool as well or the apples the bankers’ by B F Harris and will ripen and rot John D Phillips old and new heads of the state association and H B Bradt Split Log Drag their good roads chairman Is The split log drag by far the Implement most Important yet dePruning Grapes In Fall vised for maintenance of earth roads usThe drag besides leveling out the Grapes are pruned In the fall of the new rough places In the roads packs the ually a half to material of the surface and In reality growth Is taken off— depending on tha — la used and Into It of a OODverts layer brick which system of training that with each successive use of the tool In northern states the plants are laid becomes thicker and therefore resists on the ground and covered with earth In much the same way as raspberries the trafflo to a greater degree to A man has an awful time wife Is away from home and socks when his he needs clean and CURE POSITIVE FOR Drunkenness and Opium Diseases Thor m publicity M their owa hantt privately STHlilE Sooth Taaola Iadit treated as KFFLEY Salt Lika limt KODAK FINISHING Mall orders given prompt attention stock nl Photo Complete Supplies Co Salt Lake Photo Write (or catalogues li'J Main St Supoly Newhouse Victor Onekla Jump and all kinds Ammunition and Animal Balia At bottom Prices Write for lame ilkutraied jUPPQf fftLC X4wz'arZiwmsw-j2K5- rock Imtlphehs&Co wn— actHBBBfflag IJS? 1 Devil of A Good Cement' "A nL&to jf 9sssasmmimmsim For L All Purposes' Bros C Smith & ' Typewriter Ball Bearing The Wearing Long Typewriter Speed without Limit a The escapement of the L G Smith permits the carriage to get away from the last printing point so instantaneously that no speed of opera-- 1 C"? tion is too rapid Vll The hair trigger touch of the ball bearing type bars a carriage that is never shifted for capitals a capital shift key requiring only ordinary pressure a combined carriage return and line space which spaces one two or three lines with the same sweep and the lightest possible carriage( tension — give an ease of operation that makes all day speed easy for the operator The always rigid carnage itab'onary printing the arrangement o( ribbon shift and back point operation apace key and the (act that no Decenary combines the handa from writing porition lake L G Smith the in peed with accuracy Mall a post at for literature today LC SMITH & BROS TYPEWRITER branch Denver CO USA smcusE 1647 Champa Colo Street Denver CORRECT KODAK FINISHING Send Orders to UTAH PHOTO MATERIALS Ask (or price list 433 Main 8b Always CO Suit Lake City Good The Artist— I think this time what? The Editor— You’re I've a good right good joke — I always laugh at before I reject It done It for Sketch Joks It Is this one years— A Good Prophet “And your nephew Pierre?” “Alas! He strangled an old woman and has been transported to New Caledonia” I always told you that boy “There! would go far” — Journal AmusanL |