Show 4 THE A SEMIMONTHLY PAPER Devoted to Cents Scents Sense and Nonsense KEEPAPITCHININ " DOLLAIbOUX to it” for tho public will not long submit to such slights It may be as well to C B Savage one of the 20th Ward state that owing to the fact that Calder Rebels recently delivered a lecture in the is a railroad man he can furnish all these 19th Ward on “Light and Actinism” dime novels for ten cents each (In speakwe make no allusion to men who have been rode on a rail) W lien we state that all the above men tioned novels are from the gifted pen of million Constellation” it would be superfluous to add that they are all founded on facts and of a highly moral tone during which he produced a silver which caused quite a sensation in UUET UIILIFE He announced his inthe congregation B I Z Ness tention to dissolve the silver in nitric acid T E It Til & : but after gazing upon it affectionately a Por Annum in Advauce 50 few moments his feelings overcame him Six Months loo and he returned it to his pocket intact Single Copies io L II 15 St A T E H : whereupon the large audience who were throughout Five Copies to one address $ 500 on his lips as it were gave one hanging — Ten Copies to One Address and one to the clubber vast sigh of relief and settled back upon 1000 A “WEASiTA’” PUBLICATION their seats while a dreamy wistful look For sale by all respectable Newsdealers features everywhere came over their intelligent Another feeble attempt is being made of days doubtless were thinking A I V E It T I S E M E NT T S The sheet they to ape the Keepapitchinin by gone Owing to the limited space devoted to Adver- referred to announces that from the begintising we shall be under the necessity of restrict of the New Year it will be issued ing Advertisements to TEN lines or less ning This announcement is entirely Terms each insertion weakly a line cents fifty unnecessary as the numbers already isJ&lT All Communications on Business in order “Lunatic Assylum It is sued sufficiently indicate its nature to receive attention must be addressed— UNO January 14 1871 of the head scentir fact that a significant IIoo & Co Box D Salt Lake City Mr Editor: —Would you advise me to this institution lias to turn away from lontinue the investigatiou of the princi-le- s to find an honest man and that his home of the ‘New Move?’ SUNDAY JAN 15th 1871 I N Mate” lantern emits rays of darkness instead of Principal Editor Deputy Asst Editor Dkp’y Asst’s Clerk UNO IIOO 1 ing of railroad half-doll- men a light We congratulate the “New Move” (No on this litter-aire true its We intended to say something on this pun intended) It’s (See No 2) But then it is is cracked subject in this number but’ owing to a to have a cracked head than no better press of interesting matter it was crowded head at all We should have noticed this out We shall defer it till next week sheet before but had doubts of its continuance as we knew all the funds were re1 MAT COUNTERFEIT PRESENT- We MEN r quired on the new meeting house would suggest that it would prove a great We would say to the Herald go slow saving in the expense if they would conComparisons are odious But when you tinue it upon the same principle upon say that our likeness of King William which they commenced viz: by republishwhich he himself pronounced “korekt” ing in one paper what is printed in the is surpassed by Mark Twain’s you fling other As the columns are the same an apple of discord into our midst which width it would save a great deal of typeif not nipped in the bud will burst into a setting and as to the matter it would conflagration which will deluge the world! not matter which paper it was printed in as the strain is alike in both it would be NEW ROOI1S equally suitable for either TIIE NEW MOVE don’t state which principles you have reference to The first principles taught or If you would study those now inculcated its organization a little it might have a tendency to distract your mind J S — No Five hundred dollars would be no inducement to us to abstain from further mention of the “New Move” As long as any fragment of it remains it will be our duty to assist it along with the point of our pen and help It’s oppressed it to obtain its freedom now and ground down by the iron heel That’s what’3 the of despotic tyranny the matter and that’s why its feelings boil over with such vindictive bitterness It7 don’t mean any harm Bless you! notit! It’s like Blowhard in the play deal says he “Deacon you pray a good of neither us deal but a and I swear good “Some people iUh to see themulves in print not! course Of it” mean by anything A book's a book although there's nothing in't” If our wife ever Don’t mention it again in to our it alludes presence we shall give FAESE her a bill — that “100 dollar bill” you We are reliably informed that another know Jabez No we are informed that the of the Bachelor Quorum has been inMove Platform” is not published “New duced to invest in the bonds of wedlock at first It was considered per as intact David Yearsly: it feet but on subsequent investigation “A young and tender stripling was found that some of the planks needed With graceful mien and golden locks About his shoulders rippling” The original document reconstruction Yet he proved false to his quorum was published in the “ Utah Magazine " could no doubt however in consideration of his youth and or the “Peep o' Day'' and be obtained of some grocer or tripe dealfeel to forgive him the temptation we er We have seen some good things in and say: David with all thy false we that magazine We once got a pound of love tlibe still sausages rolled up in it acqua-sitch-n- n head-piec- Calder has laid on our table two new volumes of Beadle’s celebrated Dime Novels respectively entitled “ The Red or the Bloody trail of the Renegade Blazing Snake and “ Blasted Love a tale” written while Dickens was in America Both works of thrilling interest full of blood and agony from end to end although the author is somewhat defective in his description of his heroes For instance in the latter work he signally fails to inform the reader whether the bold Don Antonio De Fitz Gibbing Snook wore side whiskers or not and utThese terly ignores his silken mustache are grave defects The author must “look f I T |