Show 0 0 A Semi-Month- VOL 2 ly Paper Devoted to Cents Scents SALT LAKE CITY Sense and Nonsense SEPTEMBER 15 1870 NO U SCENE ON SECOND SOUTH STREET AGITATION OP THE WHISKEY RING AT HEAVENS! HAS IT COME TO THIS?” WHISKEY— “W HAT NEXT WILL THESE PEOPLE DO?” IT’S TOO BAD THAT WE CAN’T RIDE OVER THE RUM—“ NO MORE FREE DRINKS FOR US CITY COUNCIL AND RUN THIS TOWN EXCEPT BY FLOODING THE STREETS WITH DISEMBODIED SPIRITS I3RANDY-“G-nK “A learned American counsel in the middle of an affacting appeal in a slander suit gave the following burst of genius: “Slander gentlemen like a or gigancic size and immeasnrable proportions wraps the coil of its unwieldy body about its unfortunate victim and heedless of the shrieks of agony that come from the inmost depths of the victim’sjsoul loud and reverberating as the mighty thunder that rolls in the heavens it finaly breaks its unlucy neck against the iron wheels of public opinion forcing him to desperation then to madness and finaly crushing him in the hideous jaws of moral death” A Traveling Insurance Agent has been explaining to a western pioneer the advantages of an insurance policy Pathfinder mused a minute in grave silence and then said: “See here mister I have lived out in this country now twenty-fiv- e years and I have bucked agin ’most all the games they’ve started but darn me if I want to play a game where you have to die to beat the hank ” “Has a man any right to commit asked a prisoner nuisance?” of a a magistrate “No sir not even‘the Mayor” “Then sir I claim my liberty I was arrested as a nuisance and as no one has a right to commit me I move for a non- suit How to meet a man of doubtful no note of him credit-ta- ke Scene in a Cotemporary Office— ADVERTISEMENTS Night Editor— “Jinks have you made a full report of the prize fight ?” HURRY UP FOR FISH south end Jinks — “Yes sir every round in full” THE undersigned in Laketown Bear Valley are prepared to Editor— “Well now write an editorial catch fish on Lake short notice for any who may Make it avor them with their patronage All should condemning the brutal sport A Scotch lecturer undertook to explain strong so as to tickle our pious readers” bring their own barrels ana salt Terms liberal and all kinds of good pay taaen to a village audience the word phenomeJinks — “Why Bildad wrote that a CHRISTOPHER STOKES W P NEBEKER non “Maybe ye dinna ken what a phe- week ago”' nomenon may be Well I’ll tell ye: Ye Editor— “AU right — we must suit all WANT PUBT1P TAKEN YOUR IF YOU have seen a coo cow nae dou’t o’t tastes in a respectable daily” with a high forehead and smiling go to Well a coo is not a phenomenon Ye have & Well an apple tree seen an apple tree “Please sir give me a penny to keep Savage Ottinger is not a phenomenon But when you see me from starving” “Can’t stop in agreat MUSEUM AND MENAGERIE Go and a coo gangup the apple tree tail foremost hurry I’ve got to make a speech at the See the Razor that shaved Barnum from to pu’ the apples it is a phenomenon” 9 a m to 5 pm Society for the relief of the Destitute” Z t r |