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Show :dnes DIXIE SUI D'K jrei Stanton Roseman, ore EditormCh me d f Craig Blake, Opinion Elinor Lora Hudson, AAE Editor Maisie Metcalf, NewsPhoto Ed i; Wendl Epps, Advertising Mana, Michelle Nelson Kailee Heger Kate Chapman Tiera Oliver Nate Law Margaret Prevost Jonathan Lisonbee Phil Walker ao m th he g ney lo ci's )ce iqu i It e il av Rhiannon Bent, Adviser HOWTO REACH na os asl US Dixie State College all ?rl DIXIE SUN North Plaza Building, Room pk m l: po iso 225 South 700 East St. George, UT 84770 Phone (435) Fax (435) 656-40- CU mg n dixiesundixie.edu http:sun.dixie.edu a distributed each Wednesday dur and Spring semesters as a publication of Dine and Dixie State College, Arts. Letters and Science College Student Activities The unsigned editor .ni pinion page re present the position of DIXIE SUS iHtermined by its editorial board Otherwise, the v and opinions expressed in DIXIE SUN are those of ndividuaj writers and do not necessarily reflect tht opinions of DIXIE SUN or any entity of the college ide ide der The DIXIE SUN BY CRAIG BLAKE Sun Opinion Editor Dixie There is only one place in his small world that can I maintain the title of "The lappiest Place Common sense leads us to believe that this place is a large tub of chocolate pudding swimming with shiny $20 bills and laughing babies wearing bow ties who say funny words like, bumbershoot Unfortunately this delightful place doesnt actually exist, and if I was to actually stumble upon such a place I would be honestly terrified, and so Disneyland wins by default. Just last week my family and I visited The Happiest Place on Earth... which is Disneyland, not that creepy baby place. During my romp through the park I witnessed firsthand the Happiest Designated Smoking Area on Earth, the Happiest Underpaid Custodian on Earth and the Happiest Constantly Crying Old on Earth. You would never actually see any of these things out on Earth Four-Yea- r 4 side of Disneyland, unless perhaps they were swimming in a tub of chocolate pudding. What keeps Disneyland a head above a tub of chocolate pudding isn't only the fact that it exists, but Disneyland also manages to constantly surprise me with something new it has managed to do uniformly throughout the park whenever I visit. For example, this year every ride attendant was very honed in his or her knowledge of basic math functions. Not only were these employees skills honed, but they also insisted upon using them. Employee: How big is your party? Me: We'll just go with two groups of four. Employee: Well, how big is the total party though? Me: We have eight Employee: If divide eight by two, you get four. How about we do two groups of four? Another exciting part of Disneyland is that in recent years (also known as since the dawn of time), Disneyland has managed to boast the largest population of 1 camera-w- ielding Japanese tourists out of any theme park west of any location. Most of these tourists arrive at the park early in the morning in order to capture the most exciting shots of my family boarding the trolley, my family riding a trolley, or my family exiting the trolley for their home movies and family albums. With all the footage collected over the years of my family, and then carried over the Pacific Ocean, it would not surprise me if there was a popular TV show in Japan titled: The Blakes Mega Extreme Trolley-RidinSupercharged Challenge. Of course the biggest trademark of Disneyland is the reasonable pricing on items such as bottled water. Rice Krispies treats, bags of chips and fake plastic jewelry. For example, I very thriftily purchased myself a moonshaped Rice Krispies treat for only $4. I assume it was 50 cents for the actual Rice Krispies, and $3.50 for the manual labor required to mold a glob of breakfast cereal and marshmallows into a perfect geometric moon. The bottled water on the other hand is very reasonably priced at $2 because it is mountain fresh and directly from a "mountain g stream. Unfortunately, the fact that it is directly from a mountain stream means it will most likely give you diarrhea. But it will definitely look delicious while you poor it down a pile of rocks. Of course to every great thing there is a bad thing. My first problem was that, due to a missunder-tanding- , a young man named Jason who works at Pizza Planet has the mental perception of an avacado. Not only this, but the doors to Pizza Planet did not open with two giant robots on each side. Tisk, Tisk Pizza Planet, what would Woody say? The second was Disneylands darkest secret, which is it requires a dangerous amount of walking. This walking" is a form of transportation that humans used to use before the horse was invented. As odd as it might seem, people used to pick up one foot, leaving one foot firmly planted on the floor, and then they would lift this other foot airborne, then bring it down somewhere in front of the planted foot. This process would be repeated until the person spear-wieldin- g af ren y JCi I'.O chewed off his or her on jv nc kneecaps. cal Most of the world seemed to get rid of this ve archaic practice during J ive the Great Armchair Revival of 97 (this speci! kl ic revival may or may no have happened) except Disneyland. which in onl hours, gifted me with the Happiest Burning Glutei, !UI on Earth. Fortunately, if you havt a terrifying fear of burn ni oc ing gluteus like I do, so extreme that you lay in ICup bed sweating, fretting, and weeping over the po kk ;,.e sibility of performing some time of strenuous excercise, you can take in a the trolley and you and your family can become iv immortalized in Japanese dr r tourists home videos. e After my own trip though, I would definiteh i')0 recommend that you takf some time off from your Cal busy schedule and bring Tne the whole family to visit he; the Happiest Place on dr Earth... your local tub of . chocolate pudding swim "lea ming with r.ea babies and $20 bills. b C i f Ma rr usi a |