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Show HUMOR THE VOICE OF DIXIE STATE COLLEGE OF UTAH WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 5, 2003 Ladies, ladies ladies, have I got an offer for you I'm tired of playing the dating game with girls who only want to mess with my head, I'm making a change by Brock Bybee Dixie Sun Staff Writer Wanted: female companion to keep me warm on cold, lonely nights, be there when I need someone to talk to, and possibly be good at Math 1050. The word is out. I need a girl. Fast. I'm taking all offers. must have marginal cooking skills, heavy cleaning skills, and must be a fan of Ohio State University. If you're from Michigan, sorry, move on. I'm not you're type of guy. However, if you are from Michigan, splash on some Coolwater perfume and all will be forgiven. Good looks a plus. Must be Requirements: out-goin- out- out-doors- spoken, and know when to tell to me shutup. Aggressive, smart, and able to let me be right some of the time. Someone who'll laugh at my dumb jokes and not roll her eyes when I tell them. For example: What's a vampire's least favorite meal? Stake. Must be able to deal with things like that. I need someone who'll stick with me throughout all my sweaty basketball shorts, late nights at the office, and understand when I forget to call her before going to bed. Someone who'll put up with an old adolescent jock who still think it's funny to de-pan- his roommates and laugh at him all night. Someone who can hold her own in an about argument whether Phil Jackson is a Wi better coach than Red Auerbach. Also, can pronounce Krzyzewski, and Mientkiewicz, Stojakovic without spit- (435) (QVVM 073-612- 0 Cuts & Styles Styles Permanent waving Coloring Weaving - " j NAIL CARE Manicures Nails i Pedicures SKIN CARE Facials Brow Arches Tanning All ' V(.i 1 i'Jp -- VfiT(jrnStfJMt w f'i- - k 4 o ; . ' . f3V I ) - tan i f . (' t.i t . iv the looking glass fhrough occurences about think you meet some of the requirements and are willing to put up with a ridiculously cool guy like myself, call and we'll see how things work out. So, if you 9 taking place around the world making people look odd by Mike Pingree Knight-Ridd- Newspapers UH, GUYS, I THINK WE GOT SOMETHING A man buried $100 in a park in Aachen, Germany, to keep himself from buying liquor. His birthday came a week later and he wanted to celebrate with a few drinks, so he went back to dig up the money. But he couldn't remember exactly where he buried it, and wound up digging a hole the size of a large mattress when he was spotted by police who ordered him to fill the hole back up. A Bizarre being from Michigan. Paradoxically, someone who will miss me when I'm gone is someone who will get her foot in my door. 862-813- l .i Wl 4'1'I k paragraph J ' services performed b supervisee' ii Someone who won't get mad at me when I forget to shave, shower on occasion. Ability to deal with someone who speaks before thinking will help as well. I'm not looking for something permanent here. I have to leave for a foreign country for two years in who May, so someone won't get too attached and start dreaming about the color of our wedding invitations and the names of our future kids the day I leave, please refer to the third 14 IIAIR SERVICES I need someone who won't freak out and throw a fit when I forget to call her on our anniversary of the day that I held her hand while we were standing in line at Cafe Rio on the anniversary of the first time I kissed her at the fountain the night she and I both became true Rebels after our fourth date. two-wee- -- George, Utah 84770 haircutinfowest.com 5:00 Sat. 8:00 to 12:00 St. East Tabernacle Open Mon. - Fri. 8:00 to 955 ting is a big plus. I need someone who can understand the importance of guys night out. who Someone won't shanghai me away from my friends so that they try to save me from her and someone makes a movie about me like they did in that Saving Silverman" movie. three-wee- DIXIE SUN FOR- gang of young thugs broke into an elementary school in Portchester, England, and gleefully photographed themselves as they vandalized the place, causing thousands of dollars worth of damage. But when they exited the scene, they left the camera behind. Police were said to be closing in. OF COURSE IT BELONGS TO ME, OFFICER SOMETHING OLD, SOMETHING NEW, SOMETHING BLACK AND BLUE A young lady caught the bridal bouquet at a wedding reception in New Jersey, and, as tradition dictates, a male guest slid the bride's garter up her leg. Apparently, her boyfriend felt that the man was being overly man showed up at the police station in Bonita Springs, Fla., to report a disturbance. He was so stupid that he drove there in a car he had stolen, a fact not lost on the cops familiar with the lady in question and emphasized his point by punching him in the face. Police involvement ensued. arrested Police pulled over a driver in Garfield Heights, Ohio, for KNOW IT'S AROUND HERE SOMEWHERE light. An officer asked him how much he had to drink, A who immediately him. I WE APPRECIATE YOUR HONESTY speeding and running a red and he replied, ' ' Way much. He was arrested. too YOU'LL NEVER CATCH COPPER! ME, A man stole an ambulance in Oslo, Norway, not realizing that it was equipped with a satellite transmitter used to locate the vehicle. But he found out when he was suddenly confronted by eight cop cars and a police helicopter that converged on him a short while later. MAYBE THEY'D LIKE TO DROP IN, BLAM! In keeping with local custom, guests at a wedding in Kraljevo, Serbia, celebrated the joyous event by firing guns into the air. Alas, the gunfire brought down a small airplane that was two-seat- passing overhead at the time. HONEY, I'VE GOT SOMETHING TO TELL YOU In Boulder, Colo., a woman who was nine months pregnant and her boyfriend got into a discussion concerning the fact that the father of her unborn child is not him. Then things got ugly. He punched a door. She pulled a knife. The police showed up. Arrests followed. |
