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Show WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 1 OPINION 9, 2003 DIXIE SUN THE VOICE OF DIXIE STATE COLLEGE OF UTAH -- 5 The technology age of The Age Machines has arrived. Whether you like it or not. by Ben Walker Dixie Sun Ladies and gentlemen, the has age technology arrived online banking and pentiums. i Your grandpar- t, ents don't under . stand that last sentence. It's meaningless to them. To you, those are , household names. our country has progressed. I remember being educated as a young boy in my elementary lab. school computer Word munchers or number munchers were popuon the lar games monochrome green I Macintosh screens. we it had good. thought That was just the tip of the Oh how iceberg. The Japanese folks helped me into my next taste of technology. The good people of Nintendo produced such classic games as Super Mario Bros, and The Legend of Zelda I will admit, these still have playability, but major these games are a far cry from NCAA Football 2003 on the XBox. DOS Then I learned Within months, I was navigating through our primitive home computer with ease. I could use DOS to accomplish a number of things, but mostly I played solitaire or Hugo's House of Horrors. Snack food technology has also improved. Who would think to put potato chips in a tall cylinder? Only Pringles. It kind of makes me wonder if they were originally supposed to manufacture tennis balls. Speaking of tennis balls, sports have evolved quite a bit. Check out the old tennis rackets. Now compare them to some new ones. able. It's almost laughIt gives me a new for what John McEnroe was able to do with that wooden club of a respect racket. shoes reached their peak in the early 90s Basketball when Reebok came out with the Pump. Dee Brown made it famous when he pumped them up before winning the NBA dunk contest. That was all there was to I had to have them. it would obviously They make me run faster, jump higher, and reach the NBA sucNapster's short-livecess revolutionized the technology world. File sharing applications are all now everywhere, Shawn by inspired Fanning's dream program. d Now people can download thousands of songs each m sometimes about a minute has also caused an less Revolution. Internet Hundreds of thousands of items are listed for sale, and there are plenty of buyers Calculators can now do more than 1980s Air Force can They technology. wouldnt you carry games Number munchbelieve ers on a calculator would be embarrassing with the cool games these things have. Cell phones are in the pocket of many a college student, and they arent just used to call home. Again, people use them for Text messaging gaming. and email are also popular cell phone accessories. And if you ever hear the London Symphony Orchestra in the middle of your biology class, relax. Its probably just someones new cell ringtone. If it happened in your music class, however, I wouldnt be so sure. As soon as the directors hands go up, everyone probably checks to see if ineyre ringing. by Brock Bybee Dixie Sun News Editor was lying in bed the other mght. It was three in the I morning and I had just finished loads and loads of homework when for some reason, I smarted thinking This is not a good thing One, I had class in a few hours and I probably should be getting some rest so I wouldnt fall asleep m my incredibly engrossing history lecture No offense to Professor Harris And two, the confusing stuff I think about when Im lying m my bed staring at the ceiling only confuses me more, and when I wake up I cant hardly think about what ) I have to do for the day. I laid there and thought about stuff. Now is it just me, or when youre trying to sleep dont the weirdest things imaginable pop into your head? I was just sitting there when all of a sudden I thought: Hey, if a bunch of cats jumped on each other, would it still be classified as a dog pile? I mean cause geez, theyre cats. Is it discriminatory agamst dogs if we call it a cat pile? Who makes the call there? Staying on the subject of animals, is a zebra So white with black stripes? Or is it black with white stripes? Stuff like that boggles the mind. I thought over that for a while when for some reason I started thinking about people with disabilities. For instance, what would happen if you were both blind and dyslexic? Youd be m a whole mess of trouble there And another thmg-wh- are there braille y ATM on drive-umachines? It makes no sense at all Its like trying to hand- letters p man cuff a Theres no point. Its baffling So I deliberated over the blind communities situation for the next hour when all of a sudden I started thinking about toast. Well bread at first, but then I moved on to toast. When people say that something is the best thing since sliced bread, what was the best thing before sliced bread? Then there is toast Toast is pretty complex when you think about it. On toasters, why do they have a setting that burns your bread to an unedible blackened crisp? No ones gonna eat that! While were talking about toast, do you think that when French people are ordering toast in France they ask for American toast? Well? Do one-arme- d they? .. . . ..us.. ,uv. J then I was already headed downhill. I was so immersed with confusing thoughts I didnt know what to think anymore All I could think about were lifes little unanswered myths What do little birdies see when they get knocked out? What do sheep count hen they cant sleep9 If you were choking a smurf, what color would it turn9 My mind was racing Why is the word abbreviate so long9 Would you call a fly without wings a walk9 Can fat people go Is it possible for a narcoleptic to be an insomniac9 I couldnt take it anymore My mind was racing on and on By After a few hours of contemplation on things that would never matter over the course of my existence, I couldnt help but notice that my room had been getting lighter and lighter. I checked my clock. It was already 8 30! I had class in half an hour! That couldnt be right. I had just spent the last five hours worrying about things that no one will ever care about! learned my lesson though. The moral of the story is that you should not think. It only makes thfpgs wopse1 , .. I . |