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Show TIig Why Not or What Have you Column! Are there any questions? asked Mr. West of the Institute class. If you are seeking to enlighten young men, said Evans Woodbury, thinking to perplex the instructor, kindly tell me who was Cain's wife? Mr. West looked grave and amid the 1 love young breathless silence, said: men inquirers after truth especially and should like to give this young man a word of advice. It is this: 'Dont lose your souls salvation looking after other men's wives. "My dear, said Mrs. Beck, the hens have scratched up all that eggplant seed you sowed. Ah, jealousy, mused Dr. Beck. And he article sat down and wrote a twenty-pag- e on the "Development of Envy in the Minds of the Lower Bipeds. V The latest version of I DON'T WANT TO 1LAY IN YOUR BACKYARD". I have no desire for amusement within the curt i lege of your residence. I am averse to the personality which erstwhile was a source of gratification to me. A sentiment of regret will pervade your being, upon observing my method of locomotion in descending the covered aperture leading to our subway. It will be impossible for you to vocalize effectively down the subterranean passage which is utilized as a receptacle for the showers of early spring. I shall not permit the ascent of the apple tree which is owned in fee simple by myself and family. I reiterate, I have no wish to play around the adjacent parts ot jour premises unless I am accorded the respect which is commensurate with mj' station And it came to pass in the year of our Lord 1937, (I must mention no specific dates, for it is requested that we desist from becoming too personal) that Master Edward Junior Simmons Jr., did attend a certain party at which he did fall desperately in love with a pretty young girl who chanced to be there. On leaving the house that evening the j'oung lady forgot her overshoes, and the hostess who had noticed Edwards infatuation, told the joung Lochinvar that he might return them. lie leaped at the chance and in due time presented himself at the fair maidens house. You forgot your overshoes last night, he said handing her the package. Why theres only one overshoe here, she exclaimed as she thanked him and opened it. I know it, said Eddie, blushing, Ill bring the other one tomorrow. Oh, how I wish jou were a centipede. Pershing Nelson, our most promising scholar of the law, and Mr. Wilkins were having their daily argument when Pershing asked, "Mr. Wilkins, suppose the church and the devil should have a lawsuit, which party do you think would win ? The devil, unquestionably, Seminary teacher. replied the "And why? chuckled Pershing. "Because he would have all the lawyers on his side. Optimism is Worry on a spree, but an optimist is a woman who thinks everything is for the best, and that she is the best. A Pessimist is one who, of two evils, chooses them both. in life. It was Girls Day banquet, I think, and one of Mrs. Robinsons budding young waitresses was having some difficulty. Several people had suffered from her lack of experience and in serving the peas she approached a very deaf old ladj- and inquired, Peas, mum? No answer. "Peas, mum?" (louder) The old lady saw that someone was speaking to her and she lifted her ear trumpet to the questioner. The waitress, seeing the large end of the trumpet directed toward her, thought: It must be a new way of takin em, but I suppose she likes em that waj" And down the trumpet went the peas. Twent It was five jears later as strolled down the street and he shingle of one of his former an office door. It read: Attorney at Law A. Swindler Mr. Hafen rushed into the Mr. Hafen noticed the student on office exclaiming, My goodness, man, look at that sign. Dont jou see how it reads? Fill in vour first name." No, its better the way it is. was the reply. "But my good man, youll never get any business with that sign up. Paint your whole name on it. By the way, what is jour name? Adam, replied the young lawyer |