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Show Turkey Is being made a goat. Almost any young widow can teach a mac how to fall In love. Beware of the autumn cold. It Is easy to catch, but hard to lose. It's a mistake to try to judge a man's hat by the head that is under un-der it A Pittsburg firm is making a wooden leg 39 inches around for a woman Guess her weight. Earnest research may yet disclose 8 restaurant baked apple that has had all its core removed. With all the things that woman has to reform she is still mighty sweet and attractive. That Massachusetts citizen who goi a deer license when he wished to marry was a bad speller. Our notion of the meanest man It the New York thief who stole a bridegroom's bride-groom's best pair of trousers. "Do not marry a poet," says on woman. But suppose he doesn't show my symptoms before marriage? A noted physician says that ragtime music Is bound to drive us crazy. By the St. Vitus dance route, probably. The editor of a fashion magazine lays "a perfect fit is fatal to a stout woman " Still the list of fatalities grow. No chance, of course, that the poor consumeress will do her Christmas shopping without a terrible lot of urging. Weather prophets tell us that we are In for a hard winter, but none ol the coal men show symptoms of dying of grief. Nine thousand tons of Christmas toys recently arrived from Hamburg Have you got the price of your share of 'em yet? A I ew Jersey milliner has invented i hat that can be converted Into an umbrella. Some of them could be made Into awnings. China Is disarming Its new army, lest it join the revolution. China Is ne of those countries in which It Is langerous to be safe. Scientists still hope to discover the jrigin of life, says a German professor. profes-sor. It will be just like them to decide de-cide that it Is a germ. '''he "long Boston" Is a variant of the waltz comprising a stroll and a lug. The man who predicts its popu-arity popu-arity states the case mildly. A Chicago man wants a divorce be cause his wife said "Jerry" in hei sleep. In the vernacular of the sporting sport-ing page, he got jerry to something Beauty varies with the point ol view. If the ugly and senseless boop skirt becomes fashionable, womankind win arise and proclaim It a thing ol beauty. A Philadelphia pastor wants to organize or-ganize a church for women only. It wouldn't be a Buccess. Every church must have three or four bald-headed leacons A man who found a ten-dollar bill on the street in New York gave it tc a policeman. It Is unnecessary tc mention the fact that he wasn't a New Yorker A New York maiden starved herself to bei-ome beautiful, but carried it sc far that she died. The report falls to state whether she succeeded In Improving Im-proving her looks The roller towel will be no longer n the roll-call if the crusade started igainst it is carried to a triumphant, loncluslon. In fact, the roller towel vlll be wiped out. "There will be no art In masculine fashions until men discard trousers," says a British artist. Then, as far as me are concerned, there will be no art In masculine fashions. For the benefit of the gentlemen who are doing moBt of the talking about the preservation of natural resources, re-sources, It might be well to drop the hint that conversation Is not conservation con-servation A Chicago man who has been leading lead-ing a double life has been sentenced to the penitentiary. Wouldn't It be better to have him deliver lectures explaining how he managed tc support sup-port two families? |