Show truth at last general said the shade ot emer son I 1 should like to know the true atory of that cherry tree episode well it was this way replied the shade of gen washington papa said to me george did you cut down that prune no papa said I 1 I 1 cannot tell a lie I 1 did not and there the incident closed you see the tree was not a prune se ratina at all but true to nature nervous bridge player deprecate ecat angly playing cards I 1 really don t know what to play im afraid of mak ing a tool of myself lady partner reassuringly that s all right I 1 don t see what else you could have done punch keeping afloat A month had passed since the count ess had sued tor divorce A week had gone by since the papers had men the affair my dear said the count can t you file amended papers or some we ve got to keep la the swim you 1 now thereupon the lawyers were set to vork afresh tier view lovatt it s funny that love stories should invariably end with the riago of the hero and heroine henpeck why soa lovatt because that s really only the beginning of their lives henpeck that may be but its the end of the love story 0 OBSTACLE my daughter will get a cool million for her dowry oh that doean doesn t matter love overcomes all wise papa she papa believes in the pleasures of anticipation he do you agree with him she oh yes indeed in the sum mer he promises to buy me a sealskin coat the following winter if give up going to the seaside and in the winter he promises to send me to the seaside the following summer if give up the sealskin coat so you see I 1 am always happy jupiter nodding shakespeare is all wrong mut the leading man to the soubrette as the star walked out in front to take the call meant tor the chief actors in bhat particulars 7 asked the soubrette the fault Is in ourselves that we are underlings angrily replied the leading man as he watched the monopoly in front of the footlights A joke on him what s old man Gr kicking asked the hardware dealer wanted ten pounds nails replied the clerk an trust us to send em insisted on taking them with him huh I 1 hope hell sweat for it bet he will I 1 sneaked five or six extra pounds of em in the pack age A domestic note tete de veau took a newspaper from his pocket chuckling look here he said look at this advertisement smith has in the per bonal column come back and be kinder rhen did his wife leave do OU li 9 it iset hig wife loignon an its hia cook not evenly matched have you anything to say why sentence should not be pronounced upon ioui asked the judge nothing your honor except that I 1 hope you will make allowance for the tact that the lawyer who convicted me had a louder voice than the one who defended me milwaukee sentinel over and over well said morrell speaking of the demise of a mutual friend a man can only die or ce and I 1 don t know about that inter rooted wiseman I 1 see by the papers that the youngest drummer boy to enter the union service Is dead again their intel gence ah they seeni to be two souls with but a single thought remarked the sad faced man eyeing the couple on their honeymoon 11 said the bachelor I 1 some times think they have even less than that him F cnstance nn stance the downy one bah jove knew they used ax alen ano raised mustaches in queen elizabeth s time the pretty one well it appears to tax men I 1 know to do it now great provocation you say madam that you were under great excitement when ou struck this woman yes she had just found the famil bible with my age in it their one mistake they were just suited to each oth er and might have been very happy bua well but oh of course they had to go and get married boston transcript warm work say old boy I 1 scorched a bit in my new auto and now I 1 find myself n hot water what I 1 do for ioui why ball me i in effect why we say to our friend in surprise when we see him pulling at a big fat cigar you swear off smoking the first of the year dian didn t you vow not to smoke another cigar for five yes he replies blowing out a huge cloud of smoke yes I 1 did and say it seems to me to be about ten years since I 1 BW ore off almost talk about dreams coming true I 1 dreamed last night that a burglar en my room took my watch from the dresser and sneaked out before I 1 could catch him I 1 woke up jumped out of bed and looked tor the watch was it gonea no but it was going johns limb icat ons do you think john will grow any I 1 hope not he s almost too tall now for his father s old pants one of the many hicks does she take in boarders wicks sah don t speak so loud but between you and me take in Is just the phrase so he might I 1 see that edison indorses this new scheme of special foods to stirn the brain to do certain alnea 0 work that so es but he 11 have to make a dem on of its efficacy before I 1 in lest but nhat sort of a demonstration could he make that would be con elusive he might eat a hunk of angel food and invent a flying machine probably what are ou crying fort I 1 fell down on the ice and papa laughed at me but nothing to cry about I 1 know it and I 1 ain t crying about that but papa tell down on the ace and I 1 laughed at him well I 1 cry about that either you would it you got the I 1 got houston fast take a bottle or two rimer have you read any of those versified advertisements I 1 writing for s pink pan aceal cristick Crit tick yes and make me sick rimer good that s the effect I 1 want them to have it helps the sale of the panacea wedded to his art what has become of the poeta oh hes quit the poetry business and gone into the artificial gas busl ness why did he do that he was just determined to make his fortune scanning meters kan sas city times best he could do you know said the young man in the case that I 1 am poor but don t you think might be able to live on bread and cheese and kisses yes replied the fair maid but then he interrupted see you can work your father for the bread and cheese and III attend to the rest dilution farmers announced the fair fisl tor from the city are just as dis honest as city milkmen how dye make that out asked her host why I 1 saw your hired man this morning water every one ot the cows before he milked them bothin doln jack I 1 proposed to miss straight lace the other evening and she in aisted on my giving up drinking smoking and on sun days tom well jack I 1 gave up the idea of mar crying her one of its uses after all said the moralizer what s the good of money anyway well replie tf the demoralizer it enables a man who has it to keep away from the people from whom he could not keep away if he dian didn t have it mary I 1 hear Ms olden Is engaged to a man who stammers jane yes he was trying to sa dear me but she dian didn t let him et any further than dear unexpected endorsement indorsement Indor uncle jerry peebles was looking over the list of amended spellings recommended b the reformers good land he exclaimed I 1 don see bothin strange in them words that s the way I 1 ve allus spelled era A pearl she harry in department store how would this book gems of thought do for belle s birthday 7 maude im afraid that belle la more given to thoughts of gems reminiscence what was the most important bill you eer had anything to do witha asked the interviewer the bill that did most tor me answered senator sorghum was a bill for services rendered educated you say her daughters are highly educated they have been taught to say this Is so sudden in every modem lan guge judge just a crank what did that new arrival wanta asked st peter he asked it I 1 knew where he could get nold of fiu rold halos re plied the attendant angel he says he wants to try and build an auto A M stake in lives aren t you afraid mabel to spend your life with that sixty year old dut fera mabel looking over her trousseau his life mother not mine absent minded brown complains that his wife dis cou rages him by throwing cold water on all of his plans she used to be a laundress and probably thinks she s still sprinkling the clothes detroit free press all mixed up I 1 don t really love jimmy then why don t you give him his congee oh goodness id be sure to tri to hive with him if I 1 did |