Show THE BOASTER he never planted seeds that dian didn t grow lie never tried a job he coulden couldn t do he Is always very quick to detect the sl reddest trick and nobody ever bunched him it s tr e he s a br cliant and a wonderful success though I 1 never saw h m show a roll of pelt but I 1 m sure he must be great for I 1 m very free to state he s very often told me so himself he could write an ep poem it he chose and froh nan wants him to write a play he s been often urged to mix in the game of politics but he wouldn t use his talents in that way he never tailed in anything he tried ha has many styles of medals on his shelf he advises public men what to do and how and when this I 1 know because he has told me so himself there aren t many things that he 1 as never done and it s certain that he s onto all tl e ropes but with all his talk and blow I 1 would really 1 ke to know if he ever tried to p ck out cantaloupes 7 there Is one thing more bet he cannot do and on it wager now my wad of pelf I 1 will gamble now with you evera solitary sou he can t talk on any subject but him self detroit free press wasted energy ah yes bis was a wasted life sighed the bald headed gentleman was he dissipated 9 had he an timathy for was he a gambler a lover of fast horses a nay nay interrupted the bald headed gentleman none of these but far worse he spent bis life en deavo ring to raise vegetables which should remotely resemble the gor ageous specimens he had seen in the s catalogues royal maga line HER preference mr shy are you fond of animals 9 miss mature very mr shy which one do you like besta miss mature with a far away look man the lady s op n on A certain member of congress from new england went to a southern state some years ago to make a few cam laign speeches it was his first ex per lence in the south and he bad considerable to learn one day be stopped at a farm house for dinner im sorry maam he said to the lady presiding but I 1 dont eat hot bread why dont youa she asked being quite as inexperienced in northern customs as the congressman was in southern because it is indigestible and un healthy what kind do you eata caid bread always she looked him over carefully siz ing up his scrawny form from every point of view and alter a survey she remarked with a sniff well it seems to me that it s about time you had a change of diet judge another ph lanthrop st why dont vou abolish straps and high steps on your street car linesa my friend answered mr dustin impressively scientists tell us that unless we take more exercise we will become mere creatures of brain with neither arms nor legs I 1 m try ing to stand between humanity and an awful fate washington star A poss ble on anxious mother don t you know that george washington never never told a liea sinful boy maybe his mamma dian didn t care how much cakes and jam he took and he gasn wasn t fraid to tell her new york weekly THE HITS THE THING wright field so you think bae ball players and actors are a bood deal alikes cockson even so me friend therea s no chance ot a run unless they make a hit FOR FAMILY USE john mrs began thoughtfully I 1 ve been thinking a lot about you lately something nicea questioned huft by with hopeful inflection do you know she went on quite ignoring the bid for flattery that since we have lived here in the oun try and you have gone backward I 1 and forwards to the city every day yoi have seen absolutely nothing t the children 7 I 1 don t see bow that can be helped replied when I 1 leave in the morning they are not up and when I 1 come back in the evening they re still in bed yes assented the patient wife that is so but you might at least send them a souvenir post card now and then lady passenger how long shall we be before we reach liverpool captain 7 captain who hates to be approached by the passengers when on duty don t know ma am don t know bet ter go and ask the cook lady passenger somewhat taken aback b it equal to the occasion oh I 1 beg your pardon excuse me I 1 thought I 1 was addressing the cook london telegraph explained they dont care tor expense here said the regular boarder at the sum mer resort hotel when you call for lemonade they give you a stalk or two of macaroni with it instead of a straw I 1 was just wondering observed the new boarder after a pause why this baked macaroni tastes so strong ly of lemon juice chicago tribune go by contraries bacon your wife Is a dream egbert yes dreams are contrary things you know yonkers states man SAVED MONEY did your husband have any sort ot luck at the races yesterday 7 splendid the railway service broke down and he dian didn t get there till they were over london opinion A heartless wretch it Is our first dinner together dar ling and I 1 have invited our old friend dr eleigh to dine with us the young wife was quite satisfied the doctor came in time was excel lent company and the various dishes all prepared by the bride apparently appreciated it was not until the physician had gone that the wife grew thoughtful thomas she suddenly broke out why among all our friends did you invite but one man and that man a doctor to dine arh us oh thomas thomas to think that you were afraid to eat your first meal ot my cooking without having a doctor at your very elbow koyal magazine overcast Over ous capt kidd the pirate was burying his treasure I 1 could lock it up in a safety depos it vault of course he said but I 1 want to put the stuff where the per bonal property assessor will never hear of it so ell did he do the job in fact that it turned up eyen yet chicago tribune not worth it the minister I 1 gues you nade no intake when you carrle 1 that woman tte deacon oh yes I 1 did ov dida yes dont iou remember gave ou ten dollars yonkers states man A surer sed ed tor I 1 have here said the longhaired visitor who had wandered into the sporting editors room by mistake I 1 have here a short poem I 1 wrote on magara falls you don saya spurted the sport ing editor how in ali yu keep your raper troa getting al magazine |