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Show 17 Feature SOUTHERN UTAH NEWS ' Ol Crankcase - "brainwashed" By Clint Nielsen Bus Driver Unparalleled Fred Chappell tries to make his marriage more exciting . . . but his wife always finds out. As for you, Tom Willardson, you ought to go see a dentist and have some wisdom teeth put in. And my pal, Cleve Bushnell? He could be brainwashed with an eyedropper. Its strange that Mike Walker grew up to be a school teacher. He missed school one day when he was 11 and the teacher sent his parents a thank you note. Dennis Brunner says that if his wife, Dixie, gets one more credit card, shell have a complete deck. Dennis complains that Dixie will buy anything thats marked down. Yesterday she came home with an escalator. For sure, my pal, Sarge Baker, doesnt bang his head walking under a table. The other day he told me, You guys dont know what youre missing. The whole world smells different to a short person. When Sarge sits down and when he stands up, hes the same size. Hey! Sarge! Youre pretty tall in my book. A few North Koreans will vouch for that. George Kelly? Hes really cut down on his food bill. He found out where theres a Welcome Wagon and now he moves once a day. Dil doesnt walk in his sleep ... he hitchhikes. Sully Sullivan, an old school pal, aint all that bright. The other day, a family member on the coast called Sully. It was a collect call, so the operator said to Sully, Long distance from California. Sullys blank re- ply? It sure is, and he hung up. Not a lot brighter than you were in college, are you, Sully? You used to miss your mouth a lot with that coffee cup in the old Liberty Cafe. Rose Wells doesnt have wrinkles. She has laugh lines. Rose, you must have spent the better part of your life laughing, Her husband, Bob, is even dumber than Sully Sullivan. He thinks old age is something you outgrow. Well, actually, you Bob, but . . . nah, I aint gonna tell you. Im gonna let you find out for yourself. Dont give Doug McFadden criticism. If he needs that, he can always go home to Jo. Actually, Doug, youre not yourself today . . . and Ive noticed the vast improvement. You only learn from your mistakes. Is that why Lawrence Reese doesnt do anything right? The old cliche says that you always learn from the mistakes of others. Problem is . . . Lawrence is always the others. Rod Lathim lived within his income last year. It was easy. He just borrowed money from his We slept innocently through We need not sleep through this the last one, folks. one. We must rise heard. Our voices cry out from the desert and plead for the safety of our families, friends, foliageand animals, and most of all for the sanctity of a people who do not need the repeat performance of the 60s. We have a right to protect ourselves. Let us stand as one and be heard. Caption and photo montage by Myrna Cox. no good at writing fractions. The other day, Garth Glazier told Ken Glover that his raise would become effective just as soon as Ken was. Lynn Button can do everything today that he could do when he was 19. Can you imagine what rotten shape he was in when he was 19? Mike Evangelista? Hes so dumb he could freeze to death in front of a house of ill repute waiting for the light to change, Ifyou see 01 Crankcase, wave to him. Hes the ugly one hold-ding up a big, yellow school bus. Ugly is right! Once someone took his picture with a Polaroid and the picture wouldnt come out of the camera, o, Toll Free 800-634-57- Tough & Tight Delivered to your Site Call Toll Free 88 1888-606-590- 4 00 32nd Annual Bull Test Sale Saturday, March 20, 2004 1:00 p.m. Producers Auction Salina, Utah Bulls d Seven Breeds Buy bulls with the Best Genetics and Proven Performance Performance-teste- S V S S For further information contact Marie Monroe C. 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Her been married for 38 years and gravy making has improved, the Babe hasnt seen all of him however. Now, all the lumps yet. You can always depend on This is a wake up call. bite sized. to the occasion and be are Dil in-law- 435-674-32- WEDNESDAY MARCH 3, 2004 Auction Action Dfo it Off WE list it WE ship it YOU get PAID! Stop in or call for details SPECIAL TEES In Kanab V 6U-249- 7 J Don't Let Your Life Get Tdrned Upside Down! Regular Mammography Saves Lives and It May Be YOURS! A woman is diagnosed every three minutes and one dies every fifteen minutes from breast cancer. FreeLow Cost to Qualifying Women For appointment call Southwest Utah Public Health Department 435-644-25- 37 Mammography Mobile Unit provided by Garfield Memorial Hospital |