Show The Utah Statesman THROUGH the Rabbits argue the MX system arourd Utah's ca- country for nine years I've become accustomed to the peace 'and quiet of the desert So you can imagine my surprise (when I was hiking last week and a series of loud and angry ihea-- d I (noises ahead Rounding the bend came upon three rabits wrestling them as an eastern I recognized cottontail a Utah desert cottontail and a jackrabbit They were all hopping mad screaming yelling and pulling each other's ears "Hold on here fellas” 1 said “What's all the fuss about?” Mv appearance immediately stopped the fight The eastern cottontail stood up shook off some sand and pointing an accusing paw at the other two rabbits exclaimed "These ignorant Utah rabbits don't know a good thing when they see one "I'm offering them a chance to American rabbit and all they do it bitch and moan about the precious desert and simple way of life Why if all rabbits” help every "Hey slow down” I interrupted "What ARE you talking about?” Rabbit ‘The new Multi-TargSystem of course!” replied the eastern rabbit "You see over the last few years there's been an increasing chance of eagle attacks on American rabbits Therefore we've developed this plan to put decoy rabbits all over the desert Then when the eagles come they'll spend kTION o most of their time and energy attacking decoys instead of real rabbits It's foolproof!" FANTASTIC A SCIENCE by Bob Parmenter Having kicked 96Tfcage 5 sc movies MACROSCOPE nyon Monday February 2671 IN FICTION CLASSIC different life style" the Utah rabbit continued "They jump around all night long so you can't sleep and they live in shallow open pits not burrows If the MX Rabbit System goes through our desert will be crawling with jackrabbits” The jack rose to full height towering over the Utah rabbit "Well we don't believe in putting burrow systems all over the desert" he growled “It an eyesore But the important thing about the MX project is the lack of water and resources to support all the rabbits needed to build the decoys If this Rabbit System is built it'll be an ecological disaster!" Shrinking away from the jack "Perhaps'' I admitted "but won't the presence of those decoy rabbits attract more eagles?” “Well maybe a few but better in the desert than somewhere with high rabbit populations" concluded the eastern cottontail The Utah coolontail jumped to his feet and screamed "That's easy for you to say You won't be here when the eagles come!" "Besides" added the jackrabbit "we don't want our desert torn up to make room for your decoy rabbits" The Utah rabbit suspicously eyeing the jackrabbit leaned over and whispered “I'm not too concerned about preserving desert but this MX will bring hordes of new jackrabbits to our neighorborhood and I don’t want our small warren growing into a jackrabbit slum" "Are you kidding?" laughed the eastern rabbit overhearing the Utah rabbit "YOU are antigrowth? Why you Utah rabbits have some of the largest litters in the country Your warrens are growing like mad!" "That's different” huffed the Utah rabbit indignantly "You see in Utah there are rabbits and there are jackrabbits We rabbits live in burrow systems and tightly-kni- t are active in the day "But jackrabbits have a totally the Utah rabbit stammered not forget what goes along with increases in jackrabbit populations— more rattlesnakes foxes and coyotes And before you know it murders and burglaries "L-Let- skyrocket!" “Now take it easy" said the eastern cottontail nervously “We eastern rabbits will take care of everything Just trust us” "No way!" yelled the two western rabbits together as the three of them fell kicking and scratching again in the sand I decided I d let them work it out among themselves and as I continued my hike I thanked my lucky rabbit's foot that people are a lot smarter than rabbits starring Filmed RICHARD CARLSON m JUUA ADAMS 3rd DIMENSION! kncM by JACK ARNOLO Sow by HARRY A ESSEX Universal art ARTHUR ROSS fete by WILLIAM Picture Monday Tuesday 7:30 Admission $1 00 USU ID Required Igs -- convocationconvocation o z o o Presents: The former United Nations Delegate from Iran: z o p o 0 7 FEREYDOUN HOVE YD A “IRAN: FROM THE SHAH TO KHOMEINI AND NEXT ” Friday Fob 29 8 pm USU Fino Arts Confer THURSDAY FEB 28 12:30 Free to Studonts FINE ARTS CENTER §yMini-KDW- OWNER & IDkNOE y fit 29080 $1395 per coupe (for Students only) Tickets at SC Ticket Office ALLANC |