Show after building a stable marriage: “She will have a far better chance of finding the right love and nurturing it to maturity” he says “And if she and her husband chose poorly in selecting each other they will have ample time either to discover their problems and work them out or to end the relationship without the guilt of depriving children of a normal home life” Does everything fall on the plus side for the older parent? Unfortunately deciding to wait to have a child involves other compelling issues — medical psychological and social — and postponing pregnancy has its real risks Fertility the capacity to conceive and bear children declines in women after they reach 30 Complications such as toxemia high blood pressure and kidney At left President Carter with ni M ki daughter Amy Carter was 43 when she was bom and has written that her birth “made me feel young again” Below actress disorders are more prevalent in older pregnant women and there is an increasing risk to the fetus The most frequent genetic defect associated with aging parents — and perhaps Paula Prentiss and husband Richard Benjamin with their weary son Ross Ml 4 -M I 4L X By fTlary Long iz i yi Mary Long is a freelance writer who frequently contributes to Family Weekly 10 FAMILY WEEKLY September 2 1979 long-awaite- older parents can count on Ifturity their serenity their good their masense Paula Prentiss and her actor Richard Benjamin waited 13 years to have a child Paula was 36 “You can mess around when you’re in your 20’s but in your 30’s you start questioning what you have accomplished” she says Now the parents of two the Benjamins assert “We decided we wanted children and we bloomed” All across the country women are discovering that the rewards of motherhood are sweeter with age American women are marrying later working longer and delaying childbirth until their middle or late 30’s And many of them — and their husbands — are blooming When Jimmy Carter’s daughter Amy was born he was in his 40’s He wrote: “She made me feel young again” Older parents are a growing social phenomenon According to the National Center for Health Statistics the rate of first births to women over 30 was 73 per 1000 in 1970 By 1976 it was 90 and Rctress steadily rising Older couples recite a persuasive litany of reasons to wait: time to save money time to nurture a strong and secure marriage and time for something particularly important for the child’s mother — the chance to learn and grow as an individual Women who bear children too soon have much less chance to develop an independent identity and to find other outlets for their talents A young woman who limits her world to the nursery experts say deals a blow to her emotional and intellectual growth Arthur Campbell deputy director of the National Institute of Child Health and emphasis on early and thorough prenatal care have made the problematic medical questions about the safety of a late pregnancy much easier to handle But the book is by no means closed when a healthy baby arrives In fact many authorities now believe the greatest challenge to older parents is raised immediately after delivery not before: the seemingly simple matter of adjusting to the presence of a child in their home Older couples are catapulted into a new life when they become parents a life for which they may be largely unprepared The magic and excitement of havd and intensely ing their desired baby does not evaporate but happiness is often only part of the picture Older parents who lack the stamina and who may be set in of their routines often find themselves panicky overscheduled and constantly exhausted when faced with the daily demands of a child Jane Fonda who had her first child at 33 says: “Children do change your life no question about it You’re used to years of freedom and then you find a day in your life doesn’t give you enough time You have x number of hours to do this or that and you’ve got to try to fit so much in I was extremely lucky because my husband is very very good at changing diapers and feeding kids" Jane Fonda and Tom Hayden pose for a family portrait with daughter Vanessa 10 and son s- -f Development says “A girl pregnant at the age of 16 has 90 percent of her life script written for her By delaying parenthood women have more chances to develop options about the way they lead their lives One could say ‘A woman bearing her first child at age 36 writes 90 percent of her life script herself’” Couples who see the divorce rate climbing also see that having children introduces extra responsibilities and pressures into married life The birth of a baby transforms a husband and wife into a mother and father Dr Lee Salk a renowned authority on childbearing emphasizes the value of a woman’s embarking on motherhood only Troy six the most terrifying — is Down’s syndrome or mongolism The incidence of Down’s syndrome rises from one out of 1500 children born to women in their 20’s to one out of 300 children tor women between 35 and 39 and to one in 50 for mothers 40 and over Risks like these used to lead doctors to recommend childbirth before age 30 But with amniocentesis a procedure in which amniotic fluid is drawn from the womb and tested for abnormalities — in expert hands the risk of damage from this procedure is less than one percent — older healthy women can face pregnancy with less anxiety and uncertainty Such advances in obstetrics plus an and their humor to carry them through the adjustment process into a settled state of mind and a settled way of life then the picture for them and their children should be very bright One of the greatest fears that haunt older men and women — the possibility that they may die when their children are still young — is in the opinion of the experts a personal anxiety that is not of unusually great concern to their children Most of them accept the inevitability of their parents’ death Nor do these children seem to feel particularly uncomfortable that their parents are older than those of their friends According to Dr Salk: “Most children could not care less how old their parents are But if you feel ashamed of being past 40 or feel old this will reflect itself in your children’s attitude Other children might tease yours about having older parents but such taunts are relatively unimportant to them especially if your relationship is solid and loving” And who is most capable of sustaining that kind of solid and loving relationship between parent and child? For those who still cling to the common prejudice that the best candidates for parenthood are young it should be added here that no less an authority than Dr Benjamin Spock thinks “late is great": “A younger mother” he believes “is emotionally less apt to be tolerant of the behavior of a child less apt to enjoy it just because she is too close to childhood The older parent secure in her maturity can enjoy those special charms of children that are expressions of the child’s immaturity — their ingenuousness their wonderment their spontaneity and enthusiasm” |