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Show Yonday. March 10.1997 7A onda Opinion Standard-Examuiner VIEWPOINTS By Bruce Tinsley widiiaro riimore May I Help you? THATDONALD TRUWPNEEDS Geet! Im SORTA ye5,G@! Dick Morris "Bro Boys, tr” é DERNS KODMAN, Iz ear Now, ) P.O OBODAN ag A MilosOue-) FORLUMOWUAITINGLREL, 52 IS THis tHe ? | cam AGENCY THAT i REPCESENTS LETTERS ‘You might be a conservative if, Part 2 Legislators’ religion reflects majority's religion Legislators’ political posturing damages Utah I would like to express my lion in “improvements.” The concern with the upcoming J-15 reconstruction and the Legislature’s attempt to fund the mam- Utah Department of Transportation has attempted to justify this project by artificially inflating moth project. The legislators Gene Thompson's letter (Feb 24) deserves comment. His insin- not wise. It took doctors and government 140 to 150 more uation that the LDS Church dic- years to come to the same con(Incidently. it took me tates the lifestyles of Utah’s citi- clusion. zens is just so much balderdash.I to9 many vears to come to thal have lived in several states, and it se myself.) conclusion have known for more than 10 traffic and safety data. There are less costly alternatives that ad- years about the need for funding dress the highway’s needs. and has consistently refunded tax savings could be diverted into the I-15 upgrade. The Legislature should consid- is not the predominant church i1self that sets the laws, but the major affiliation (religious or oth- is er the following next time it erwise) of the people who are elected to its legislature. Thus, it (Utah) youth from the evils smoking” under a “guise” at 2 - nor is the Legislature. ¢ monies, mvesting in their political future instead of investing in our future. In the recent session, they groveled for public trust The meets with tax amcreases and the threat f slashing education budgets. Part of the problem is the Utah Highway Commission. It is a regional, political works program that ensures highway mon- reflect the LDS religion simply because the majority ofits legislators are LDS. regardless of need. Jt has several extreme regional plans that are costly and unnecessary — some justified by immorally manipulating data For example: Highway 191 from I-70 to Moabis slated for a four-lane highway. Is this truly necessary, or would several flect the priorities of the state currently the Wasatch Front and stop the potential of grid- be. One may disagree with some lock lengthy and less costly passing lanes resolve the problem? Highway 89 through Logan Dan Miller Canyon is earmarked for $60 mil- Ozden Gin ther i tha u r € aa conservative antly wail about big nin e if ur Wa to Pp yome You 1. g and 2 rl c ud) por with our own youth free £ aDdor- condemn gam- ca Would n uline a “ nerease You Det make 210U Idak e in tna value a big against dz in Eva c Stree ude it e race gious affiliation aside, that smoking is dangerous. Is it any wonder, then, that the vast majorit want to stomp out smoking? And the most obvious place to start le with accumulat- na r buy a ye u Ur SLOCK on Wa dea reii- ul everyone Nay but ended ad don’t he e Or want ng a gamb man seek free 10 adopt any legal lifestyle S we may choose - here in or elsewhere. However, we must be willing to accept the consequences of that choice Tom Price As far as smoking is concerned, the LDS Church madeit lear LOto its its ‘ members some 164 such action was givable. God be with them I ¢ i he ~ As a matter of fact, we are a of the laws, but they do generally the consensus of the majority in each state. > Uncontrolled growth is not healthy or sustainable. > Plan and save for the future The legislators’ lack of foresight is reprehensible and unfor- g ht versely, it is a generally acoepied fact held by most people. reli- By the same token, in states where, for example, the Baptist religion is predominant, the laws reflect Baptist beliefs. That, as far as I’m concerned, is as it should ing >» UDOT's budget should re- ey is distributed around the state “trying not poke ve again. It seems to me that the churct is that Utah's politics and laws > Form an oversight committee to watchdog the commission and UDOT. The committee needs to report on the unneeded and wasteful projects that UDOT and the commission are pursu- going to eT cre , mer C ed j ari C e Sunday ee 1 Us- PTE Agenc Sc 18 a SE- r and er H caniuieaeits cD Enis 5 ee r Sunday Avenue Park Buick ur OE ah TOUS a PRMOSOF itl ions, Well, hey just pop ano Zac You r Oxder COLUMNS We pec i sade iid sme and in Af J. Ozder wor- North Ozgder Grondahl’s cartoons second to none This is an open letter to Ca - \- Imagine a catalog for underwear and ... maybe a new spouse | Cloning the perfect family and help — it could be the next American venture Are human clones coming and, if $0, 1S 11 Some- thing we should worry about? That group of academic deep thinkers known as ethicists seem to be worried. Most are against human cloning for moral or religious reasons President Clinton has issued an executive order barring federal agencies from messing around with clones and urging private scientists 1 O desist But there are those who think cloning of humans would be a fine thing. One of the leading proponents is Dr I.M. Kookie, the noted expert on lots ofstuff. In an exclusive interview, Dr. Kookie predicted that cloning will become a common practice by the Listen, “So? What are we, a separate planet? As for those whoare too thin skinned to laugh at themselves ment for two months. We don’t want you thinking about money on your honeymoon.” Even Willy Loman could close that deal and lighten up: They should, ir my opinion, dye their underwear and learn to live within their limi- tations “Sure. And the nice thing Kerry A about a finance plan is that af a guy misses payments, we can foreclose and repossess.” Ona significant other? “I'll be in the small type. Then we can move it again as a low-mileage special airbrush model.” Mike Royke March 19-20-21-22 *FOR EASTER ONLY... We are bringing our show to the heart of Davis County just in time for Spring. (We'll be back at the Weber Fairgrounds for Mothers’ Day!) GRAND OPENING: them.” You mean cash no, slip him a bag “So, would you prefer the brawny construc7 : . : a tan or maybe with pearly teeth and worker tion es a : © %. Ti op acs ; — parts 66 Then? Pe years, > he’s lonesome. Maybe he hom and ivisitSits anc man ‘ S«Oo our salesman Grons drops desk.” eatalng’ f na That catalog kindof What on hi mis ataiog « a; Calaiog ° ‘ nasn t’ Isn't t that that a a bitD1 steep Sins “Don't worry. you want the house if vou gage. right m nake ntt monthiy . - ; ; significant other Of ‘ ler yur wat hat yOUur . & dreams, Aistnn QGiulOna: “Well. : ‘ reams Greali Want wa na anc we ry extinct’ : want the new and improved mode (with i: Horticulture Mary Ann | a u sampie: landscape Are you prepared tor disasie 6 pr “10 mistakes & traps to avoid 7 pn when buying your new home “Growing Bernes in the garder y 4 “ & “Raise bec gardening techniques “Perenmiais tor the Mark Miles, Dune Rwertront Ente Ext Assistant SU Seturdey, March 15 | : Lake County Salt ¢ “Dutch cooking’ i Creativ Kasper. judy M. ie 2 pr 5 pr ee ee ae — - Spring Fastuc oven } “Tire Recycling is fun’ a z VSP! Water Ext.Sun;Hor USU Baner. Satety. Wade 3 pm 4pm it is the nature ic hound to hanpen. afraid geccouse | doubt pern - > ~~ ¢ Farber, Author Mark Mies Avert aul ba ney Bar wet David ig 1S fu e Me o y s owne : Wiliaro & $ 180 Lamberl. Amenc serry Richards, Team sonata . One ; Wardiey BHE&Gtne . | Sundey, March 16 \ ‘ : nerfec prepared tor disaste Noor ymethinglike that to happer : Pianting & tree selector 71 afr very much that any American president * | pr 2pr Packaged cioned wile = > or = Fe-enma n Vike é lake nr? Ugde ‘ Lampert, Ame ey J E PRED ; Rovt Pu t Prizes ur - cnn jor the rit Hiurrinist (hicag Tribune Al aw | WON. , ‘ E aTOeNS OWwNE . s K ye vou woer, wit 1» i UIC o - > , neat 1 thectgorgeou cou ‘ ate deas anc , Sp Z . day Concrete nousind eoccsiatnmmene a And the three-toed squiggle toad? meat. Ditiard’s Noor swamp the flat-headed what happened to — County Weber u ne a00dspeed. USU E t Oss amber, American Rec ' yo Baker. Lioyds Draperies ; min 32-valve super car, yu you Was E +4 an the tra- arrived in > ! | Paul Farber, Author of “Dutch oven cooking” (with , sar narcie landscar ros for the SSOEDS Sr OS ERERCESS S Gee ordinary, flawed / so Budge os would z Appearance ‘ of everything. There is no such thing as brand loyalt anvmore. Out with the old, in with the new. Esele delivee ; when you can order pecially it for overnight “He; get the being who ; | , , gripe you happen Demonstrations f se « But what wil > I Fes . i festira arden tf ‘ 6 pr am . “ aS Seem cust Y salesman will tell him: yf ments. pa , 5 If a potential the about the price. thou Only 200 the envy of your neighbors. 0 ous foot power forward or a bloodthirsty and catlike ‘ . . as 300-pound middle linebacker. They might even be e\ rr te thes 4 ‘ly able to work the genetics so they hate money _ S be will You SESS and mother { ee 6 “ne \ +t a ABCD's S “Watertress. safety tipsSic fror & contr: vaneties “Fryit vf American She will make @ bit. emergency can even cook a 3 pr 4pr 5 pr iy in am a= letics. No more scouting high schooli games. A colorder a mimbie 7lege or pro coach will be able to “I"m So the salesman says: “Here's one of our fines products. Ravishing and lusty, but well-mannered in an 6 gamea oftele,tennis avs aa good fined piayS relined, gove BA Sin and al t ancien orf “Easy composting “AEMtec of Dat “ id-fashioned human & G | ; . * _ Friday, March 14 “And wait until you see what this will do to ath- y ou hy: ome eakers And i 2 pr o great Sounds : patriotic American maic What red-biooded, Os Noor 1 pr Issue the Sports liustrated Swimsuit Aili Oe + 8 ae & crawdad? nasil = see the 'V — You ever 2 or we snv home} he syhe © 4 Jara “Just think about it. You got some guy making Delles Or Tuntrading pork ay >) mc f c lots Ol money, Mayde t ome ‘ep a re n Se hie ot fils i company cap ott { : Fr c — C C nit ning the bottle cap compa yin 2CCyT HD, h H improving & preparing the ga de “Are you prepared for disaster” “Easy window treatments read) — _ ‘ee nroduct7 hat ic tt Yes, but wha is the produ ‘ L4G ta ti Ove sales iorce lakes mationa! yo bm pro ct twill OF UU be a complete package dea for those whocan af- d \ when the product is coats ready, in a ‘ few vears. =n Then in a fe OL a cloned gardener, cook and chauffeur. There will B i 1e\ could build nuclear bom si d Ex d ye from a major a best-of-breed yO! dog show and maybe : : at ae a by an a vee VvvUu @ FARMINGTON # : Over 75 Booths MC/Visa/Discover Free Admissior Standard-7Examiner entire gamut of human companionship.” aan Amazing West Lagoon ¢ Ex Exitt 327 327 from from COgden1-Exit SLC Exit 325 from SLC est of of Lagoon . ~) 4 our James Bond model?” S the idea will be to cover all potential markets. , “Exactly. Enterprising companies —* will clone gay kick boxers - the Dla airstVusts, lesbian male nae models, hairstylists, MoUCG ate se Remember, we got high school kids today wh ¢— <r , Re - ais this slinky tango dancer with slicked back hair? Or you are ip business. Sorts— thee wil be cutlitle eribead - PR DAVIS COUNTY FAIRPARK : “Sure. They'll see a catalog and the salesman nd for those who want a family without the is find a friendly El Supre 9 do | mies. All you have to do is Ime airiendiy fi supre- bother stretch marks, swollen ankles, that ; him a bag of cash and you are in business mo, le eae : a ; s and scientists the in bring you } clonets. Throwin a picket fence. a perfect replica of “ + That= dined — ane abs a and al the technical stufl. part is easy oa : . : Wed. from 1-8pm hurs. & Fri. 10am-8pm © Sat. 10am-5pm will ask: there are all kinds of half-pint countries with lead; ; 1 BOUTIQ gih ver But won't some women Chicago Tribune ers who wouldn’t mind helping their local econo1 “Mule” Barnes Morgan protest that this is an offense to feminism? “Maybe. But not after they see what a deal there is for done’?” “That. too. but I’m talking about the market for laboratory-produced clones of humans.” , eval in this country il] sure ‘ . Butthat 2 will surely be illegal in this 6country ce and appreciate a good political or social tweak And you don't have to make yourfirst easy pay- “Have oyou noticed that everybodye keeps repeatt ing that rule of science: “What can be done will be companies that will develop better li eo other agricultural products You, not unlike myself, enjoy we can arrange financing. delivery tomorrow next century Yes, it is in every story written on the subject “Well, there’s a more important rule than that And it goes like this: If there is a buck to be made, somebody is going to make it.” Ah, you're referring 10 buying stock in research snack and vestock ¢ Your brand of humor, timing and satire are second to none vi Wrens T- Grondahl. ‘ ds tan ar . = }- d ne ae “xa 1200 iner i bovete asia Rive an Sem |