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Show _ — ae “Women whohavesettled for being ‘just a wife and mother’ torture themselves equally by comparing their appearanceto that of models or actresses and their earning capacity with that of female executives. In such a game almost no woman can win” Family Weekly A Man’s View: What WomenReally Have To Complain About. By Sloan Wilson As the father of three daughters and of a son who is soon to present me with a daughter-in-law,I have a com- plaint: our kindofcivilization is too tough on women, and it’s getting tougher all the time. No matter what a young woman does these days, a lot of people try to make her feel bad about it. If she is a quiet, prudent girl who believes she should not try to grow up too fast and that sex can be frightening when it is urged upon her without love, responsibility or thought of marriage, many of her peers jeer at her as a square or some sort of old-fashioned, neurotic nut. On the other hand, if she tries to become a Teal swinger, she reads condemnation in the eyes of her parents and in the faces of many of her more conservative friends. Girls are asked to make decisions about their life style at a much earlier age than was common in my youth, and because there is more confusion about whatis right in the hearts of most people, there is no course a young woman can follow withoutselfquestioning and regret. . The great amount of freedom commonly given to teen-agers these days Sfoan Wilson is author of “The Man in the Gray Flannel Suit,” “A Sense of Values” and other bocks. 4 Family Weekly, April 18, 1971 exerts more of a strain on girls than it does on boys for the simple reason that girls risk more than boys do when they make love. They risk more physically, as is evidenced by the great number of juvenile pregnancies, despite all the talk abouteasy birth control. For many reasons they risk more emotionally. Even if girls don’t get pregnant, they can make themselves miserable worrying about it, and no pill has yet been invented which will prevent a girl from expecting that a man or boy who makes love to her will treat her with a kind of love and consideration which never will go out ofstyle. When a modern girl finds that she is being taken casually and without responsibility, she is hurt just as much as women all through history have been in similar circumstances. The main difference between the girls of today and those of prior generations is that the young are not protected any more. Gone are the chaperones, gone is the parental supervision much of the time, gone is the generally accepted code of conduct which allowed girl to be in- dignant if she were asked to break it. Welive in an age which expects young girls to control their own passions and those of young menwith very little help. This makes no more sense than it would to give adolescents control of large amounts of money or to put them at the wheels of powerful automobiles without any speed limits or traffic rules. I am astonished not by the amount of misery which results from this failure of adults to help the young, but by the fact that so many young women have the sense and the strength to grow up triumphantly anyway. If a young womansurvives the chaos make a choice, that she can, if she is any sort of a woman at all, do both. Countless young women believe this and feel they are failures if they do not become a beloved wife and mother while at the same time achieving dramatic success in a profession, in the arts or in business. I believe that it is long past time to point out the obvious truth that almost no woman can find the energy and time to make headlines on her own, and at the sametimeto fulfill the needs of a husband and of youngchildren. No matter how “liberated” women may become, men who have demanding careers of their own usually need a full-time helpmate at home. In this age, when it is almost impossible to find domestics, the all-important job of rear- ing children cannoteasily be delegated to anyone. The more successful a man Thetroubie is that not many of these paragons exist. Many whotry to play the part are men whofeel so unable to cope with the world that they welcome a wife who will fight the battles for money and for prestige for them. Women strong enough to win reai distinction in the arts, in science or in business rarely are satisfied with weak men for long, and become more and more frustrated when they find that strong men usually demanda full-time wife. Of course, I don’t say that it is abso- lutely impossible for any woman to combine an exciting career with a satisfying marriage, but I cannot imagine a goal more difficult to reach. After all, few people have the requirements for success in a career, even if they devote all their time and energy to it, and few people are able to create a truly happy becomes, the more he needs a full-time wife as a partner who can makehis marriage even if they are unhampered home an island of orderin a sea of confusion. I do not think I am the only man in the world who simply could not exist without a wife who can keep the world off his back while he works and who makes a homepleasant enough to be worth ail the struggles and frustrations we all must endure. Of course, there will always be.a few glossy career women who will appear on television and in colorful magazine layouts with tales of how they scaled the heighis of their profession while at To ask a young woman to do both these things and to meet all the needs of young children at the sametime, is unbelievably cruel and unrealistic. the same time keeping a husband and several children marvelously happy at home. I have known several of these frantic ladies, and most of them are keeping up a pathetically fragile front. The few who do manage to achieve real success in a career without making their husband and children feel short-changed of growing up in a world with noclear have been lucky enough to find an ex- guidance lines concerning sex, she facer another dilemma: should she concentrate on making some man a good wife or on a career? Many magazine articles, traordinary man to marry, a male ani- mal so strong, so self-sacrificing and so without needs that he can permit his wife to give a large amount ofher time Newspaper seers and television experts and energy to a career without resent- assure her that she does not have to meatatall. by the distractions of a demanding job. Yet many women nowadaysfeel in- adequate if they have devoted themselves fully to their home and equally inadequate if they have given themselves fully to a career. If a career woman is married, she often tortures her- self by comparing her part-time efforts as a homemaker with the full-time endeavors of her sisters who do not have jobs. Women who, as they say, “have settled” for being “just a wife and mother” torture themselves equally by comparing their appearance to that of professional models or actresses and their earning capacity with that of experienced female executives. In such a game almost no woman can win. The “Women's Lib” enthusiasts, it seems to me, increase all this confusion and frustration, for they appear to denigrate women who do not find it de- meaning to work full-time at raising healthy children and keeping a man happy and strong enough to realize his |