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Show A Valentine’s Guide To the ‘New’ Woman Ss. Valentine has seen many changes in how his day is celebrated. Two generations ago it was all the rage to send “ugly” cards pointing out the recipient’s defects. One generation ago romance made a comeback, and all was hearts and flowers. Today, however, what witl: so many young women wanting to be “liberated” from their customary sex roles, the aver- age young man isn’t quite sure how to treat this new breed of female. Here, then, is a handy guide to the kind of approach called for when one is court- ing the Liberated Woman whois “turned off” by old-fashioned male gallantry: meeting as she is in spending the evening with you. Why not go along, take an interest in her activities. The liberated woman is a great talker. Why not suggest dinner. Don’t choose the place. Two decisions and take pride in her accomplishments. Know, too, that with this woman Become familiar with the ideas of Simone de Beauvoir, Ti-Grace Atkin- you're not in competition. You don’t son, and Robin Morgan. have to prove you're an authority. But Care about the Equal-Rights Amendment (on and off) in Congress and Women's Lib activities in your town: believe in what you say. She can spot a phony. job discrimination, child-care centers, you’re a chauvinist. Better yet, be un- conventional. Why not cook supper and let her bring the wine. This gal’s involved in politics, the Status Symbol. (An extra hint) disparaging images of women ontele- vision as well as in films. community, so know whatrallies and Don’t invite this woman out to impress friends, coworkers. She’ll sense it and dislike you. She’s not a possession, a lectures are around. decoration. This kind’ of invitation is Criticism. Don’t correct her manners. Keep quiet if she uses the wrong out: “Would you enjoy meeting me for fork during dinner or mispronounces dinner? I’ve just finished a business the name of a house specialty. confereuce, and some of the fellows have asked meto join them.” Oneupmanshipis usually distasteful. Ask yourself, “Would I ever want her to correct me”? Choosing the Wine. If you've agreed to have dinner out, play it by ear. Decisions can be shared which formerly were assumed by the man. If she frequents the restaurant in which you Compliments. Save them. They're are dining, let her ask the headwaiter usually patronizing: “Honey,I like that dress (better than the other one)”; or, “Your hair looks great that way (rath- for a good table. What about the wine? She might be able te suggest a good Saying Good Nighi. Theliberated woman has discarded the taboos and inhibitions handed down by Mother. So Watch Your Language. There’s a whole new feminist vocabulary. Don’t ask a liberated woman for a date. There are friendships, and they evolve. Guard yourself against such remarks as “you're a good-looking broad.” This isn’t man talk. It’s just insulting to a woman. Don’t call this woman lady, girl, doll, honey, or baby : belittling terms which define her as an object, a thing. Use her name To the liberated woman, “feminine” connotes a pretense, something unnatural—like batting one’s eyelashes. If you dig her, say she’s female, not feminine. If she’s an ardent feminist, be care- ful. Never insinuate she’s a man hater —anti-men-—just because she’s prowomen. She'll never forgive you. Anyway, ridicule is a ploy used by a man LLUSTRATIONS BY JOHN HUEHNERGARTH to keep a woman in her place. Who Calls Whom. After you've made each other’s acquaintance and you decide you'd like to see one anotuer again, who calls whom? It should be left casual, informal. She can call you, or you can call her. It will give you a chance to see whatit's like on the other side—to accept or refuse a date as well as being accepted or not. Calling for Her. This is largely circumstantial. If she has a car, let her pick you up. If you do, then viceversa. If you both drive, flip a coin. If neither of you does, arrange to meetat a central place. Don’t act as if you're responsible for her. A liberated woman deiests paternalism. Where to Go. Theliberated gal may be as interested in a Women’s Lib Family Weekly, February 14,1971 Chablis if you're eating fish. You may let her deal with the wine steward. er than hanging limp).” Seldom a man can flatter without sounding like he’s instructing a woman. Sometimes com- Paying the Bill. Split the check, no if's, and’s, or but’s. The liberated wom- pliments are exploitative: “Your skin an doesn’t want a man paying for her “services.” You're spending the evening together because youlike her, not This kind of adoration makes the lib- about with a liberated woman: the more heated the discussion the better. The liberated woman loves to argue, use her wits. Her being cute, sweet, pretty may be enough for you, butit’s not for her. She wil! resent discussing trivia, also intellectual condescension. “Manis intellect, woman intuition” became obsolete the day the first woman entered a classroom. Encourage her to Women’s Liberation means an option to choose. is so soft”; “Your hair is so lovely.” erated woman feel as if she is being turned into an object. becatise you're buying hertime. The Conversation. What to talk don’t be surprised if she’s affectionate. And don’t be astonished if she’s not. Forget the Myths. “Machisino” might work for John Wayne, but the present-day woman doesn’t like the drill sergeant, the conquering hero. She Manners. Don't hold doors, help her on with her coat, carry packages, opencars, light her cigarette. They’re taboo—ploys which keep woman in a subordinate, dependent role. Boning Uponthe Lib. Know something about woman’s history: who were Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Emma Gold- man, Elizabeth Blackwell? Read Kate Millet’s “Sexual Politics” and Betty Friedan’s “The Feminine Mystique.” knowsa tender, thoughtful man is much moresatisfying. And forget what Dad told you about a woman wanting to be subdued. It frustrates her—all the time having to pretend she’s weak and spineless. And whata bore! So turn to that woman sitting next [0 you andstrike up a conversation. Relax. Enjoyit. You might find out yourinitial fears were unwarranted and that you Teally enjoy being with her. he —SANDRA SHEVEY |