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Show ___The SaltLake Tribune _OPINION Thursday, November22, 2001 ragedy Reinforced Enduring Importance of Personal Relationships A friend of ours, long divorced, called recently and asked for help in finding a mate. She is a successful ‘woman with twoloving children, but COKIE ROBERTS STEVE ROBERTS Manners reports that in previous years, her mail around holiday time was filled “with outraged letters from Gentle Readers who were expected to Sept. 11 has affected her priorities, “1 of a second ore in December. They didn't think they could bearit.”) But she now believes that those So they're takingasix-hour train ride ins Thisis the story of Thanksgiving 2001. More than ever, Americans want to be with their loved ones. And more than ever, they are afraid offlying. They want to get home but stay grounded. Air travel this weekis off about 30 percentfrom lastyear, but total travel is down only about7 percent. The gap is beingfilled by surface transportation— cars,buses, trains. Greyhoundreports a 20 percent increase in advance bookings, and while the average bus trip is 400 miles,journeys ofmore than 1,000 miles are more their family they embraced it. Like our friend, they didn't want to be alone. Not after Sept. 11, but not before assortmentofpeopleofdifferent ages, backgrounds and circumstances who UNITED FEATURES SYNDICATE common this year. We've been facing the choice between family and flying all fall. The grandsons born’ in California, and week before Sept. 11, we had twin we've been spending a lot of time since then shuttling across the country. The lure of holding those little guys, and helping their parents, easily out- Their obituaries were filled with memoriesof “sentimentalrituals” birthday parties, anniversaries,trips, weighed our apprehensions. And,in truth, most Americanslive bythe maxim “family first,” this week and every week. The columnist Miss that day, either. The tragedy did not change ournational priorities: It re- inforced them. Andthat’s been truein the wider werekilled on Sept. 11 belies the uni. versalityof family antagonism.” Thelives of those lost tell a very different story than the holiday- hating letter-writers. Friends and relatives searched relentlessly for the victims and then “sank into deep fly. We covered a series of earthquakes in California years ago, and we 21 cousins attended. They didn’t fear correspondents represented a disgruntled minority: “The accidental fly toa long-planned family gathering. find yourself wrestled to the ground. Onecousin spent endless days tramp- ing from hospital to hospital, clutching her picture and hoping for a miracle. \t her memorial service, 20 of her share an entire meal withtheir rela tives, somewith the bleaker prospect don’t wantto be alone anymore,” she said. Another friend reported that her 11-year-old daughter simplyrefused to delightful young woman in her mid. 20s was lost in the World Trade Center. community as well. Most Americans were notfaced with the brutal task of looking for a loved one, but theyresponded in their own ways donating money, giving blood, and considering careers in publicservice. Onereason wefeelsafethis w mourning” when all hope was gone. learnedthattraumaticincidents leave deep scars, particularly among chil. dren. Kids who see a building collapse oraplanecrash can take a long time to regaintheir sense of security. And parents whosee children lost are equally wounded. National Public Radio quoted a father whose son, under a custody agreement, is supposed to spend Thanksgiving with his moth- er. But the man is haunted by the children whowere killed on the planes that crashed on Sept. 11, and he just couldn'tlethis child leave this week. We are haunted byanother thought fromthat horrible day. Who would we call, who would anyofus call, if we knew wehad five minutes tolive? als. If you have a tough beard and a weakbladder, perhaps shaving would bea goodideabe- gamesand gatherings — all testimony to the enduring importance of personal relationships. In our own extended family, a Weunderstand those who refuse to fore you get on aplane. If you get up too fast to use the restroom, you could We'll be with those people this week, some of the loved ones we would speed-dial, hugging and laughing and probablyarguing. And we'll fly to get there. Blackface Students’ Families, Communities Should Have Taught Then Better administrators andcivil rights groups CLARENCE PAGE suspended for wearing Ku Klux Klan outfits and blackenedfaces to a local fraternity Halloweenparty. Thelocal Delta Sigma Phi and Beta Theta Pi fraternities also had their charters suspended in early November after photos wound up on the In- ternet from a Delta Halloween party that apparently outdid John Belushi’s Bluto in “Animal House”for badtaste. Somephotos showfraternity members simulating a lynching with KKK uniforms and some faces blackened with whatlookslike shoe polish. souls, sent meinto the world with the advice that there were two kinds of people: “quality folks” and “trashy folks.” Check out the photos of the Even so, Auburn’s benighted frat boys have competition for stupidest racial trick. In another Halloween Particularly troublesome this year have been efforts by some white fraternity lads to turn themselves temporarily black in ways that blacks havenot found flattering and administrators have not found amusing. At Alabama’s Auburn University, 15 students have been indefinitely communities shouldhavetaught them better. My parents, God bless their like the NAACP. party that wound up on the Web, a member of the Alpha Tau Omega chapter at the University of Mi: sippi is seen pointinga gunat the head Auburn idiots at the Southern Poverty of another who was dressed in blackface, kneeling andpicking cotton. The chapter was suspended from campus on Nov.12 for a year. That same day, the University of Wisconsin-Whitewater put its Tau CHICAGO TRIBUNE SERVICE Other photos show white members in blackface wearing T-shirts that bear the Greek letters of Omega Psi Phi, which happens to be one of the nation’s oldest, largest and most distinguished blackfraternities. This episode illustrates doubledecker stupidity. It was dumb of the frat brothers to commit such shenanigans. It was dumberto let photographs ofit get on the Internet. The result has been a national uproar ny. Se, gives free _peech a bad name. Before such ugly eruptions occur, colleges yourself which category you think they belong in. and their student leaders need to do Auburn's Omega Psi Phi president thinks the offending frat members toeducate. with hatecrimes. That’s bit extreme. If offensive taste were a crime, the Washington Redskins would be ar- brown makeupto portray former basketball star Charles Barkley, igniting two days of peacefulprotests by about 50 students. When families and communities fail % prepare students adequately for life i: ‘ly, religiously andethni lly diverse society, fraternities andsororities need to step in. Asincubators for tomorrow’s lead- racial slur, Loppose speech codes oa otherat- ers, they do a grandjob ofteaching ta- tempts to impose what some people and corporate success. In today's increasingly diverse. America, they American, I appreciate the progress that this nation’s free speech traditions have helped to bring. I am dismayed when colleges overdo their Their families and hometown what colleges arebuilt to do, which is rested for naming themselves after a call “politically correct” limits on academic expression, As an Africati- AndI bet you thought people went to college because they were intelligent. find offensive. Ve need more freeranging discussions about race and gender on carr us, notless. Unfortunate omestudents inevitably stumble into behavior that Law Center's Web site (www.tolerarice.org) and decide for there should be expelled and charged Kappa Epsilon chapter on probation for a year, among other sanctions, for an Oct. 11 homecoming variety show skit. A white TKE memberhad put on efforts to shield minority or female students from anything they might S WASHINGTON — Our country’s return to normalcy after the Sept.11 attacks includes a resumption of what I call “Stupid College Student Racial Tricks.” ble manners and otherrituals ofsocial should try to teach someracial étiquette, too. Otherwise, the next Stupid College Student Racial Trick might happen closer to home. You're free to choose. So chooseeverything. Current customers, to take advantageofthis offer dial 611 from your VoiceStream phone. Call 1-888-STREAMS(787-3267) for details. 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