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Show TUESDAY M FORTHE RECORD, D-2 ROBERT KIRBY © 2001, The Salt Lake Tribune Acting Weird? It Must Be Dog’s Fault On Saturday, my two dogs, Zoe and Scout, dug a holeinour tomatoplanterall the waypasthell and up through Pakistan. MCOMICS, D-6 MTELEVISION, D-7 OBITUARIES, D-8 MAY8, 2001 WANN LANDERS, D-10 S.L. Driven to ‘Misery’ Sikes SEE Area ranks 36th-worst for unpleasantnessoftraffic congestion Parentwork of force driving . BY BRANDON LOOMIS ‘THE SALT LAKE TRIBUNE studied for rush-hour congestion by the Texas Transportation Institute, year studied.It wasn’t until December 1999 that TRAX becametheSalt Lake the Salt Lake area ranked 41st in severity of traffic jams. And that ranking jumped to 36th when the Valley's first light-rail line. In New Orleans, 15 percent of workers either make the area’s traffic “misery” the 36th worstin the nation by driving to work, according to an analysis by a hational transportation research group. Washington-based Surface Transportation Policy Project factored in perperson exposure to the congestion. So even though the clogged traffic in New buses. So the Big Easyis a bit easier to Orleans — whichtied Salt Lake at No. 41 in congestion — is aboutas intolerableas that in Salt Lake City, a higher percentage of Utahns suffer through dex,’ but we thought that might be too Nine of every 10 Salt Lakers help The averagedriverin the Salt Lake area spends 18 hours a year stuck in traffic, according to the report. That's aggravating, but far less burdensome than the 56 hours a year that Los Angeles motorists endure. Ona list of-68 metropolitan areas those jamsdaily. walk, bicycle or ride street cars or navigate, ranking 51st on the group's “congestion burden ranking.” “We almostcalled it the ‘misery in- Traffic Congestion in Salt Lake ‘Number of workers not driving Percentof work force not driving 40,836 10.1% BPE ULC mec CTT ‘HOWRESIDENTSGET TO WORK Took mass transit Walked ee : 3.0% 2.4% P Bicycled 0.6% much,” said Barbara McCann, the pro-transit group’s quality-of-life Worked at home 3.2% campaign director. Drove alone or carpooled 89.9% “All figures are for 1999 The misery could be worse in the That’s because Utahnsstill were wedded to their cars in 1999,thelatest See MISERY,Page D-4 ‘Source: TTI, U.S. Census Bureau, and Federal Transit Administration Sean Noyce/TheSalt Lake Tribune Thatisn’t the bad part. When. the crimewasdi , they lied aboutit. Covered with mud anddirt, they hunkered fearfully at the bottom of the steps with their ears flat and said, “The cat didit.” So, I beatthe cat. Photographer Admits That HeSetFire at Delicate Arch RUNWAY RUCKUS Actually, I only thought about beating Bob Valdez. Ever since Bobgota restraining order because ofthe gopher-in-the-sockdrawerincident, I haven't been able to get within 50 feet ofhim. Thisillustrates a furidamental problem with owning pets. People believe everythingtheir pets tell BY BRIAN MAFFLY them,especially dogs. Dogs have a secret’brain ray that alters human thought. It workslike this: Say you are thinkingaboutthe national econo- ‘THE SALT LAKE TRIBUNE Photography is Michael Fatali’s wayof expressinghis devotion to the wonders ofthe natural world. A self-described “portrait photographer of God’s creations,” he captures the stunning sandstone formations and precipitous vistas of the my, whenyou are struck by an overwhelming urge to buy your dog a McDonald’s Extra Value Meal. Racingoutthe door, you can’t escape thefeeling that you need to supersize it. And buy some Colorado Plateau with the bulky camera he lugs around the region that includes southern Utah. tennis With sucha belief and reputation — Fatali operates a gallery outside OK, stop for a minute. Look around. Notice the dog staring at you from the hallway. That brown- Zion National Park in Springdale and a photographyschoolin nearby Rockville — he maynowface crimi- eyed gazeis nota look ofadoration.It’s the dog’s brain rayin action. Nowgo. We'll finish therest of nal charges for defacing Delicate Arch,considered to be Utah's signature natural feattre. Onthe night oflast Sept. 18, the 35-year-old photographer set fires this column when yougetback. Scientists have known about the dogbrain ray for years. They near the 65-foot span of redrock in Arches National Park, just north of keptit a secret because there is no Rick Egan/TheSalt Lake Tribune Moab,to create a dramatic lighting effect for a photography workshop he was conducting, according to a post- Bruce Leonard, Brigham City director of public works,sayshiscity is prepared to buy and protect nearby wetlands in the event of an airport expansion. Ogden leaders say that is not necessary, however, because they believe their airport can handle the area’sair traffic, a plan that does notsit well with Brigham City. edly left black scorch marks where residue from the chemically treated logs he burned penetrated the porous known antidote. People who have dogs go hopelessly crazy. Accordingto several studies, wealso live longer, happier lives than people whodo nothave pets. Tam notsure about snake owners here. Whetherornot they live longer probably depends on the sizeofthe snake. All of this is importantright now because of the giant Animal AdoptionFair held in Salt Lake City over the weekend. Hundreds of people abandoned their fates to dogs andcats. Unfortunately, thousands more animals will be putto sleep because they couldn’t find humans to control. If you are one,of the people who adopted a dog over the weekend, or you are simply considering an adoption, there is a way to lessen theeffects of this brain ray. NOTE:Cats do not havea secret brain ray. They get what they wantthrough cunning,stealth and lawyers. Thefirst step in coping with mindcontrolby a dogis in knowing thatit is occurring.If there is a dog within 50 feet of you right now,it’s happening. (Stop readingthatstuff right now). The dog mayappear to be lying innocently at yourfeet, butits mindisstill working.If thetail moves,it’s working really hard. (Weneed to go for a walk). Dogs are knownfor being hysterically happy when their owners come home, or whentheir owners simply make eye contact with them. This is simply a wayofgetting humansto lowertheir guard. (And chase somecats). Whenyour guard is down, the dog will sit patiently andfix you with a look ofutter devotion. Actually, he or,she(orit) is staring at a spot between your eyes where the skull is the thinnest. ([haveto go to the bathroom on the bishop's lawn). Youcan fight against this mind control by forcibly directing your thoughts to stuff like the trade deficit, rising oil prices, changes in the Republican party, or enor imaging John Goodman in Speedo. (And then, we can buy some wieners). ‘There’s some more stuff, but I . need to go dig in the tomato planter. (Right now). Salt Lake Tribune columnist Robert Kirby lives in Springville. He welcomes mail at P.O. Box 684, Springville, UT 84663 or e-mail at dark@airswitch.net, Aerial Combat Proposal for $12M airport expansionpits Brigham City against Ogden BY KRISTEN MOULTON that denying Brigham City’s wetlands BRIGHAM CITY — Brigham City's $12 million plan to improveits airport to safely accommodate bigger and more jet aircraft is not flying right Godfrey wrote. His letter was in response to a solicitation for commentfrom the corps, which has the authority to block projects involving wetlands. The corpsis required by law to choose the carrying everything from air bag parts for the Autoliv plant to business least damaging,practical alternative executives to duck hunters bound for with Ogden, whose own airport 25 to destroying wetlands,as long as it is the Bear River Bird Refuge already use the Brigham City facility. THE SALT LAKE TRIBUNE in the public interest. When Brigham City Mayor David a third ofits capacity. Ogden Mayor Matt Godfrey, in a _Kano learned of the letter, he was letter to the Army Corps of Engineers, livid. “We were blindsided,” said Kano, said greater use of Ogden-Hinckley Airport is a better alternative thanal- whofired off a scathingletter to Godlowing Brigham City to fill in wetlands frey, accusing him of trying to sabomiles to the south is used at only about to lengthen andwiden its runway. “Ogden-Hinckleyis fully capable of completely absorbing the forecast growthofair traffic, both general aviation and commercial [charter and cargo], for the Brigham City Airport,” tage Brigham, City by his “unethical andpredatory” action. Corps spokesman Jim Taylor said Ogden maybe a practical alternative because it is only a 20- or 25-minute drive away. But that does not mean SLOC GaveSpecial Access permit is necessarily in the public interest. Jets too big for the runway and “They are already landing there and they will continue to land there unsafe,” Taylor said. “Then we have to say, ‘Is Ogden really a practicable alternative?’ ” Brigham City’s airport-improve- mentplan, which has been on the back burner for several years, is about safety, said Craig Sparks, with the Federal Aviation Administration in See AIRPORTS,Page D-4 ing on his Website. Thefires alleg- sandstone. Last week, federal authorities raided his gallery and seized some photographicprints. The U.S. Attorney's Office in Salt Lake City wouldsayonlythat search warrants were obtained under seal in connection with the Delicate Arch case and were executed. Office spokeswoman Melodie Rydalch declined to identify Fatali as a suspect or say whether his businesses were theplaces searched. *‘ “The investigation is continuing and thete have been some law enforcement actions. We're a couple of weeks away from charging documents,”shesaid. However, an employee of a Springdale restaurant, which shares acommonwall with Fatali’s gallery, said a Park Service official visited the restaurant last Tuesdayto secure the building while officers from another federal agency searched the ery. The agents left with some prints, including one pulled off the wall, Fatali admitshestartedthefire. In a letter mailed to Springdale See ARCH FIRE, Page D-4 GREEN ON OFFENSE To LDS Official at 98 Games “BY LINDA FANTIN ‘THE SALT LAKE TRIBUNE During the 1998 Nagano Olympics, the LDS Church received extraordinary access and behind-the-scenes tutorials that would enhance its volunteer and public relationsefforts in 2002. Robert Hales, a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints’ Quorum of the Twelve, was the “distinguished guest” of the Salt Lake Organizing Robert Hales Committee, a designation thatallowed him credentialed access to all competition venues, Olympicfamily seating areas, lounges and transportation. ‘The arrangements are detailed in documents recently released to The Salt Lake Tribune by the Salt Lake Organizing Committee. Correspondence shows the church and SLOC were collaborating on a number of fronts long before church President One week before his trial is set to begin in Provo, GordonB. Hinckley’s November 1998 statement supporting the Games in whichhe urged members to volunteer. It also indicates that the church, which portrays its approach to the Olympics as supportive, benefited from its close relationship with SLOC through firsthand,inside information at the Games. Mike Otterson was one of four church public affairs officials to visit Nagano in addition to Hales. He outlined the church’s priorities in a Jan. 23, 1998, letter to Varena Rasmussen, then SLOC’s international director of client services: “The volunteer program thing to do with the logistics io Juab County polygamist Tom Greentakeshis case to the media Monday, contending he is being unfairly singled out for prosecution. Appearing at the Salt Lake City Library, Green management ofthe 36,000 volunteers. Green, 52, will ‘The broadcast center and main media center — how it operates. Media housing. Translation services. Hosting program.Transportation arrangements for media and VIPs. Noncredentialed media.” The church characterizes its Olympic role as passive, not proactive, Its Website lists many SLOC projects See ACCESS,Page D-3 ‘ ’ stand trial Mondayon four Leah Hogaten/The Salt Lake Tribune |