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Show TheSait Lake Tribune OPINION Al5 Thursday, December30, 1999 Playing the Jesus Card: Candidates Are Waving Crosses in Our Faces WASHINGTON — Is Jesus Christ a Democrat or Republican? And how would the Son of God feel You,” scrawled on the wail of his Hanoi SANDY GRADY torture cell, saved his sanity. McCain wouldn'tlose his dignity in the GOP's pious gushathon. Not that Democrats are impervious to this stampede down the aisle. Sure, Bill Bradley stoutly insists his religion is his about soft money? Or ethanol? Or gun control? Not preposterous questions if you've been listening to the 2000 White House utes” proclaimed himself a “born-again Christian” — somethingI can’t recall the veep revealing until he hit the apes trail. Al's also adopted the “WW. recail so many politicians blatantlyplaying the Jesus card, Makes you wonder if these guys want to be presidentor the next Billy Graham. church with a Bible underan arm, maybe having a friendly word with the minister. Speeches ended with the Obligatory, “God Bless America.” Wegotthe idea. Not now. The 2000 pols are boasting publicly of their faith iike a mobofBilly tra — “What Would Jesus Do?” — ree PHILADELPHIA DAILY NEWS dished on pro athletes’ wrist bands. If this noisy pulpiteering isn’ttasteless Brokaw. “Weil, if they den't know, it’s going to be hard to explain,” said Bush. “When you turn your heart and life over to Christ, accept Christ as Savior, it changes your heart. Changes yourlife. That’s what happened to me.” Sundaysata tentrally. Whether this mix of politics and evangelism is good or bad, of course, depends on your viewpoint. I see it as cynical showboating. I can only guess that polls show Jesus is moving up in Iowa and New Hampshire. ‘The hosannas reached a crescendo at the Republicans’ last televised debate, when four candidates jostled in their Jesus fervor. For a confused moment, I thought I was back at the Wednesday night prayer meetings of childhood. George W. Bushstarted this confes- sional orgy when Tom Brokaw asked him tonamea favorite philosopher. “Christ,” said Bush cryptically. “You want to go further?” prodded YOu own business. But Al Gore on “60 Min- candidates hit the sawdusttrail. I can’t In a more discreet time, candidates were contentto be photographed leavinga Pe ou owSiTas Never mind that Bush’s selfproclaimed Christianity didn’t stop him from executing Karla Faye Tucker, whose heart also was changed by Jesus. Or dozensofothers on Texas’death row. Bush’s TV revelation ignited a competition for the Most Religious prize between Gary Bauer and Alan Keyes. They constantly lament that America’s a pit of moral decay. Bauer declared, “Christ taught us about our obligations to the —andI think it is — it’s something new. Even Jimmy Carter, who rarely missed teaching Sunday school at the Plains Baptist Church, was careful not to hammerhis beliefs publicly. More famously, John F. Kennedy soft-pedaled religion in 1960 to combat rumors he'dbe toolof the Vatican. “ believe in a president whose views onreligion are his private affairs,” said JFK — a quaintidea in 2000, whencandi- dates seem to brag that Jesusis their No.1 political consultant. Sure,Bill Clinton began showing up at public prayer breakfasts, asking for compassion. Monica gave him lotto repent. No, thefad of religious exhibitionism is a 2000 hustle. Maybe we can blamepols’ Ronald Reagan and George Bush began this trend by hanging around televangelists Pat Robertson, Jimmy Swaggart and Jerry Falwell. No surprise that ex- Christian Coalition director Ralph Reed is among George W. Bush’s gurus. Granted, many people will applaud Will Jesus favor the Republicans or Demsin 2000? Thatsilly question was answered in Lincoln's second inaugural address, when he spoke eloquently about the appeal for heaven's help from North and South: “Both read the same Bible and pray to unborn child.” He won the Sanctimo- compulsion to “define themselves,”let it nious Sweepstakes. John McCain bypassed Jesus to name Teddy Roosevelt. this new confessional zeal. But didn’t all hangout. Al Gore’s stomach-churning 1996 convention speech abouthissister’s Jesus in the gospels advise us to pray in against the other. Give McCain credit for reticence. He could have won awestruck reverence by ButI suspectpandering to the religious right’s clout is fueling most of the Jesus bombast, especially by Republicans. his name might be reminded that Jesus wasarguablya left-wing radical. mighty hashis own purposes.” I doubtif Jesus will tilt the 2000 vote — evenfor politicians whotouttheir beliefs like a neon sign on a Goodyearblimp. recounting how a message, “God Loves death set the benchmark. the closet? And didn’t Jesus caution the Pharisees not to showboatfaith? I'm notheologian, but pols who bandy the same God, and each invoked His aid ... The prayers of both could not be answered. . . The Al Sounds Surrounding the New Technology Are Not Always So Merry BY MYRIAM MARQUEZ THE ORLANDO SENTINEL Whatare you doing? Oh,no. Not now. Not now. Stopit! Stop it! I hate this. Oh, God. Oh, God. Please, don’t. Where did it go? There it is! Thank you, Lord. Thank you. I've lostit. It’s lost. Why does this always happen to me? Expletive, expletive, expletive! Whycan’t I seem to open this? You moron! Fine, I’m just walking away. And when I get back, you better havefixed yourself. Stupid, stupid, stupid! Such were the merry sounds attheoffice last week as my colleagues and I worked on a new computer system that the muckety-mucks promise will save us time and make us happier. We want to believe. We wantto save time. We wantto be happy. Tf only. We have stopped talking to one another about anything pleasant because we are spending mostofour day yelling at our computers! Weare calling our laptop terminals names. Bad names. Names we would never say in mixed companyor in front of our children. Well, most of us wouldn’t, anyway. Sometimes, we whisper to our machine, in the hope that our soothing soundswill generateresults. I'm proudthatI have yet to curse during this terrible, terrible ordeal. I have, however, had evil thoughts and am thinking of starting a Unabomber Fan Club, Central Florida chapter. (In case the Federal Bureau of Investigation is readingthis, please, come take me away.) T have sought divine intervention, but miracles are scarce. The devil is in the details. Details that pop up in red letters to alert us with warning signs thatstate: “Object type text is not valid for this action.” “Application error has occurred, and an application- error log is being generated.” Huh? Whataction? Whatapplication error? The darn thing isn’t moving.It’s frozen there, somewhere in cyber-hell. “Not to worry,” our computer whizzes tell us. “Just click OK.” Butit’s not OK. We liked our 20-year-old computer system, Someof us grew up with it. Others yearn for the days of the manual typewriter, whenfingers hadto be in tiptop shape to press hard into the machine. Weliked theelectric model, too, because it made us faster without requiring as muchstrength. Weenjoyed the smell of glue pots and cigar smoke andall the stuff that made journalism gritty adventure. Gat Week tay Minutes Hationwitke Pere Cal aICes SUAVE STL NTRS Pos,untDecomber11988 oot te Nokia 5180 PRESTIGE WIRELESS “Phones for FAMEY Life” white rerunsof “I Love Lucy.” Toget us into the right frameof mind, the computer training manual (thank- fully printed on paper!) states that the new system is “hip. It’s fresh. It coordinates well with the newsroom remodeling.” Whoever said techno-geeks don’t have a sense of humor? Not that we're all that old. Wejustfeel old in this brave, new world of computer files called “baskets.” Those of us being held prisoner in the ivory tower are not laughing. Weare weaving sorry tale. Computers have revolutionized jobs from sea to shining sea. But are we any happierforit? The Orlando Sentinel’s newfangled plot. The Chinese must be behindthis. My co-workers believe I’m nuts, though they’re nottelling me. They're too busy screaming at their ADD 1000 SHARED MINUTES FOR ONLY © BUCKSHT Lg computer system is supposed to be the best thing since we boomers got color TVs. I'm starting to yearn for black-and- I, for one,believeit’s all a commanist computers. |
