Show Standard-Examine- r Sunday Aug 5 1990 7E HorizonsBooks J Pulitzer gives Prize-winni- S By TOM ZUCCO Si Petersburg Times MIAMI — You're waiting by the re- ceptionist's desk on the fifth floor of the Miami Herald building shifting in your chair and trying to look inconspicuous when you begin to realize that maybe this wasn’t a good idea The plane was late the traffic was horrendous and now the receptionist is looking at you and trying to remember e the number for “America's Most Wanted” “Sir? What was your name? “You say you hae an appointment toll-fre- picture of Dave standing next to a billboard that touts Cleveland as the site of the Rock "N Roll Hall of Fame which doesn't exist (The Hall of Fame not Cleveland) There's also a copy of his latest book “Dave Barry Turns 40" It has been sitting at No 2 on the New York Times list since this spring The REAL DAVE BARRY is a keen observer a dedicated student of the English language and above all the owner of a wild sense of humor that’s permanently stuck in the “ON" position This is a person who has written about relieving oneself in the glove a compartment of a car and that when translated into Chinese means "Bite the Wax Tadpole" “The way I see it” he said “a sense of humor is not an option People say 'Well in addition to everything else you really need in life it's nice to have a sense of humor’ But to me it’s inconceivable that that wouldn't be the first part of your personality that you’d worry about “My basic philosophy of life is 'Someday we’ll all be dead’ That reassures me a lot you know that there isn’t anything that’s that important You might as well enjoy life as much as you can given that there are a lot of horrible things that happen along the best-sell- ‘My — Dave Barry Herald but he'll occasionally do stones for Tropic Magazine the Herald's Sunday supplement “I'm an alarmingly slow writer” he said “It takes me two or three dav s to write a column I rewrite more than I write ” er tics People who win the Pulitzer make talk show' appearances and sit around at parties and stare at the ceiling while strangers tell them how wonderful they arc They are vain pompous people who have all their calls screened and who eventually disown their families so they can run off and live on a houseboat with a cabin boy named Lance And then Dave Barry comes down the hall He's wearing faded blue jeans a polo shirt a pair of Reeboks with about 20000 miles on them and a grin that tells you the first words out of his mouth are going to be “Wanna go outside and roast ants with a magnifying glass?” The Dave Barry you've read about is 43 This Dave Barry doesn’t look more than 25 Thirty tops The photographer who is with him asks you if this is going to be a serious story As vou start to answer the stuffv aloof JOURPULITZER NALIST jumps up on the receptionist’s desk extends his arms as if he’s about th G to make the keynote speech at the Democratic National Convention and in his best Don Pardo voice proclaims “Yes this is a very serious story” He has a tiny office next to the Herald's art department but he does most of his writing in the garage next to his house So there isn’t much in the office just the usual stuff you'd expect to see — a picture of Dave riding a llama a wav” The DAVE BARRY STORY begins on July 3 1947 in Armonk NY a suburb of New York City Or as he puts it: “A little town with a lot of rich people in it” His father was a Presbyterian minister who rather than be associated with a church was a social worker in New York He has two brothers and a sister none of whom became a writer “I had a really normal upbringing except for not reaching puberty until I was 40" he said “I still haven’t got any hair on my arms You might want to note that for realism in your story" He was an exceptional student a terrible athlete and a kid you could always count on for a laugh “I was the class clown” he said “I mean I was actually elected the class clown at Pleasantville High School Class of 1965 “I graduated from Haverford College in 1969 and I spent the whole time I love being a writer I'd much rather be a writer than have a real job although I'll never view writing as easy or even fun" His prize possession is his Les electnc guitar “It's my favorite thing in all the world" he said "I bought it with money 1 got from Ms magazine It was probably the only huifior piece they ever ran They paid me $800 and we needed a sofa So Beth and I left the house to get a sofa But we ended up at the guitar store “When no one's at home I'll get it out and crank it up to stadium mode You hit one note and it goes WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH and the dogs go running into the house" He drives a Dodge van with a REALLY POWERFUL sound system "You know how you see cars that actually expand and contract with the sound?” he Paul-mod- Coca-Col- again” Winning the Pulitzer Prize had to hae affected him Nobody who wans journalism's highest honor can possibly retain any normal human characteris- PRIZE-WINNIN- basic philosophy of life isy ’ ‘Someday we’ll all be dead1 journalist sehous interview ng in-de- pth with Mr Barry? “Well I’ll ring his desk tamos' stuck on ‘ON ©©BUS© there playing in a rock band and experiencing the '60s if you get my drift” Barry graduated at the height of the Vietnam War and was immediately drafted into the Army He sought and received conscientious objector status and was given alternative service For two years he worked as a bookkeeper for the Episcopal Church of New York City After his service obligation ended he landed his first job in journalism as a reporter for The Daily Local News in West Chester Pa It was there that he met his present wife Beth They were both married to other people at the time “My marriage wasn’t working out at all” he said “It was going to end anyway I mean I was married to a very nice person and we liked each other but we didn’t love each other We didn’t have any interests in common that I know of “So I don’t know why we got married Maybe it was so we could legally have sex” He started writing humor columns for the News Before long the Philadelphia Inquirer and several other papers also began to run his column Dave Barry was on his way He was hired by the Herald in 1983 at age 36 although he and Beth and their son Robby put off moving to Miami for nearly three years “I’ve always written the same way” he said “I haven’t changed much from when I was writing for the Daily News for $2250 a column He writes one column a week for the asked “That's me” life has been pretty good to Dave Barry His column is syndicated in more than 150 newspapers and his salary is reportedly in the six-figu- re range Every morning precisely between 8 and noon Barry enters his garage and goes to work He is always accompanied by his faithful companions and Earnest and Zippy the Barry family dogs “They lie down on the floor and I sit there and stare at the screen” he said “But they have never had a single good idea I just wanna stress that I feed them care for them and they give me nothing” That forced seclusion is a necessary part of Barry's creative process “If I have any other excuse to do anything" he said “I can’t write” Outwardly it seems as if he doesn't take anything seriously To him life is one long series of story ideas and the material is lurking everywhere — in government in the grocery store under the bathroom sink But THE REAL DAVE BARRY is a A Professional Never Term for media coined in England once referred to The Mob Enrollment now going on Q You press people have been called “the Fourth Estate” Can you explain the origin of this expression and why you came in only fourth? — Tom W A The expression comes from Britain whose traditional three estates were the Lords Spiritual the Lords Temporal and Commons According to Carlyle Edmund Burke referred to the three estates in a speech in Parliament and then added: “But in the reporters’ gallery yonder there sits a fourth estate more important far than all” Scholars by the way have questioned whether Burke said that but somebody did It’s only fair to note that even earlier an English writer said the Fourth Estate was “The Mob” Journalists seldom tell anybody that but who asked? Q If you are pronouncing a number say 12036 do you say “one two oh three six" or “one two zero three six”? Even television announcers seem undecided about this sometimes using both ways when giving out the street Word sense address — Pauline H A I say “one two oh three six” but if you wish to work harder and say “one two zero three six" there’s no law against it Many people believe it’s wrong to pronounce a zero “oh” but it's not Look up the letter “o” in any good dictionary and you’ll find that among other things it means zero Why so many people get on their high horses about this is beyond me Q I used the word “oftener” and my granddaughter told me that was wrong Who's right? — TB A Don’t let your granddaughter bully you If she told you “oftener” is incorrect as a comparative form of “often” site’s wrong If she prefers to say “more often” that’s all right too but she jolly well shouldn’t complain when you say “oftenef” Or even ” -- OFT “Maven” (also “mavin” and “mayvin”) has become popular in recent years but it’s an old Hebrew and Yiddish word A maven is an expert often a connoisseur either male or female If you wish to become a “maven” consult “mavin” in Leo Rosten’s “The Joys of Yid- I I j EACH BLIND WITH THIS COUPON I- dish” Painter's Colleges TART COMMENT of the week from Peggy S: “I read in my newspaper that at concerts ‘We’ve got to do something about tall people wearing hats and fat people’ Why would anybody tall or not want to wear fat people?” Send questions comments and good and bad examples to Lydel Sims The Commercial Appeal PO Box 161280 Memphis 38186 If you quote a book please give author title and page number Sorry but questions can be answered only through this OGDEN — 2971 Wash Bivd ROY — 5523 S 1900 W ® 392-575- 7 825-360- 6 MM mm BACK-T0-SCH00- SPECIAL FOR L A LIMITED TIME ONLY!! HURRY!! with minimum $2795 purchase Greater Money Saving Value Mere Customer Choice Choose From Up To 4 Poses Natural Color Professional Quality Satisfaction Guaranteed FREE 5x7 Any Purchase will newborns to be given a free 5x7 Limit 1 per infant Just bring your child to the nearest Kiddie Kandids All Mini-Win- — —fiat Valid with Any Other Offer SALE ENDS AUGUST 12 1990 '6)fUl&(3 Patterns To Choose From Designer Colors 2 Colors Lftetimt Warranty Gauge Slatting 70 1T3 25 06S r AND HOURS: DRAPERIES MON-FR- I 10-- 5 fCo'jrry t I try to write every day of the year even if it's just an hour Just so I did something “I'm driven to do it I guess I sort of validate myself by writing I feel terrible if I go through a day and I haven’t created anything or I created something and it stinks “But the days when I finish a column and show it to Beth and even she thinks it's OK — she reads everything I write like she’s reading the manual to a hair dryer — then I feel great" He said he didn’t set out to be Dave Barry humor columnist It wasn’t planned It just sort of evolved Then again he probably didn’t have much of a choice “I always liked humor and my parents were really funny and when I could in high school and college I’d write humor for the school paper” he said “But it never occurred to me even when I was 30 that I could make a living writing humor" Or that he could win a Pulitzer Prize for commentary in 1988 But it was a good thing he did “I had always made fun of journalism prizes” he said “and I’ll still make fun of journalism prizes But winning the Pulitzer gave some sort of credibility to the papers that had been running my column “Now when I write booger jokes and people write in and say ‘How can you print this trash?’ we can say ‘Oh yeah! Well he won a Pulitzer Prize’ ” pus only) Including: j pleated shades vertkiej -— —— He writes anyway "If you sit around and wait until you really feel like writing you'll never write" he said “That's why people who say they want to be writers never write Living expenses over $200 per month if you qualify (Ogden cam- OFF 1Q What happens when nothing happens when he can’t come up with an idea? Day care at no cost (Ogden campus only) You can have lunch with your little one Value $2000 ON MINI BLINDS 1 lated" Classes with Mr Painter in styling and barbering will give you education no other schools offer ONE WEEK DELIVERY ij eriBDQUAB word-smit- mmmsm IN HOME ESTIMATE f Blind Cleaning h disciplined writer a dedicated who labors over his columns “I think where most people fail when they try to write anything especially humor is they don't take that part seriously” he said “They want it to be fun and intuitive and seem as if you were drunk when you wrote it But the fact is everything is always extremely calcu- Looked So Good Q I heard the term “maven” recently but I couldn’t find it in my dictionary Why? — John S A Probably because you have an old dictionary By LYDEL SIMS Scnpps Howard News Service el All in all Fourth Estate’ historic term 1 5 HfH Pcttam 10 Color HALT LAKE 487-568- 2 2432 South State PtoyeV bpt apgy NEWGATE MALL to ChooM m— m I OGDEN 394-332- 2 FAST 3-D- AY SERVICE LAYTON HILLS MALL LAYTON 547-032- 2 j |