Show 10D tit Standard-Examin- FAMILY CIRCUS by Bil Keane Friday June 22 1990 er English major is a minor when it comes to spelling everything I just dictated a letter to my newly hired young secretary whose resume indicated that she had been an English major A bit later she asked “How do you I looked in the spell ‘Europe? dictionary but I couldn’t find it tinder ‘U’" appalled in Chicago DEAR APPALLED: Your expe- rience is not new to those of us who were educated in the good bid days when the “3 R’s” were I stressed in education the classes no larger than the teacher could handle and the students I didn’t carry weapons ' Send your “English major” back to the minors Competent secretaries are still available You just have to look a little harder DEAR ABBY: “Ben” and I have been married for 10 years Ben’s sister “Mary" and her husband have also been married ’ere KCT JOoT tUH u of this cannot change this situation aware DEAR ABBY: Now I’ve heard ‘ DRABBLE by Kevin Fagan I after 10 years of trying I feel the best way to deal with this hurtful situation is for me to absent myself from such gatherings I would rather spend the time with my children I do not mind if my husband attends without me I cannot ask him to turn his back on his family My husband feels that we Dear Abby Abigail Van Buren Unmrstl Press Syndute about 10 years Ben and I have two children ages 5 and 7 So do Mapy and her husband All the children are normal polite Here’s the problem: Frequently when Ben’s mother or other sister invites us to a well-behav- ed should leave our children behind and both attend anyway Am I being unreasonable? What' do you think Abby? Please let me know family gathering we are instructas we have a few of these gathered to hire a sitter so we can tend without our children ings coming up soon — AN AVID ABBY FAN we learn that Mary Inevitably DEAR FAN: I think you are will attend with her children as she has not been instructed to handling the situation in the best hire a sitter possible way It’s too bad your Ben’s family has always shown husband doesn’t have the manlia great deal of favoritism toward ness to tell his family that if they Mary and now that favoritism choose to snub his wife and chilhas been extended to her chil- dren he chooses to absent himdren My children are painfully self too “Their business must be bad They’re askin’ for help! PEANUTS by Charles M Schulz Ml MARC1E I JUST SOT HOME FROM SUMMER SCHOOL WHAT ‘VE YOU BEEN DOIN'? UJELL CHARLES AND I HAVE BEEN SITTING HERE MOST OF THE PAY JUST WATCHING TV CHARLES! I CAN’T EAT POPCORN IF AND YOU'RE HOLDING MY HAND! PlEA5ECUARLE5i LL CALL YOU AGAIN SOMETIME WHEN l!M HOME FROM COLLEGE MARGE f Phone line keeps in touch with latest UFO happenings Knight-Ridde- ! ’ r Newspaper MENLO PARK Calif — Do you see flying saucers in the skies at night? Do you ever get the feeling you were once kidnapped by beings from another planet? If so a Menlo Park entrepre-- i neur has your number e A telephone service this week devoted exclu- Sively to exposing people to the world of unidentified flying objects — a world the phone line’s creators say is ignored by the mainstream press and covered up by the US government The president of The UFO Line Ryan Wood insists there is a growing market around the country for such a service Call and you will be greeted by Stanton T Friedman a nuclear physicist and nationally known UFO expert who guides you through a menu of extraterrestrial topics as close as your Touch-Ton- e phone But the experience will cost you — $2 for the first minute and $1 for each additional minute Press the on your telephone for a “a good recent sighting report” Number 3 will give you information on “UFO abductions” Other options include “Physical - de-but- ed 900-lin- 1 terrestrial world and states that a US govern“there ‘Our intent is to update ment is certainly attempt to cover up UFO the line weekly But if information” Wood said he to introwe something hot duce the service atplans an upcoming and new we’ll put it on Mutual UFO Network convention of UFO believers in Florida immediately’ and is considering taking out ad— Ryan Wood vertising in publications like FlySaucer Review and UFO The UFO Line ing International Reporter Ads may also run in the mainstream press evidence of UFO reality” “flying Wood said saucer technology” “UFO “If you’re (Oakland A’s slugger) myth” and “proof of the cosmic Jose Canseco with a 900 number water gate” There’s even a way you can make it on word of to report your own sightings mouth” Wood said “For us it’s “Our intent is to update the different Fewer people know line weekly” Wood said “But if about us” we get something hot and new Wood points to polls that sugwe’ll put it on immediately” gest millions of Americans beThis week the 900 line reportlieve in UFOs Some books on ed that a Soviet general saw a the topic have sold millions of UFO through a radar screen in copies “There is an interest out April and had five pilots chase there” after it Wood and Friedman vowed Friedman also chronicled the that the 900 number would remany unsuccessful attempts of port only credible UFO reports groups like Citizens Against UFO unlike some supermarket tabloids which they accuse of sensaSecrecy to get at alleged government documents that would tionalism “With tabloids like the Enquirprove the existence of UFOs The UFO Line criticizes the er one out of 10 things you read press for its “sneering and (about UFOs) are real” Wood said coverage” of the extra get : Bridge and you might get beyond your suit for tactical reasons Three hearts does not imply extra val2 Two hearts When North ues once you are committed to You are South and hold this hand: weighs in with two diamonds (as reaching game it is far better to A 5 V AQ95 O K108 4 AJ1093 compared to a one notrump bid) use this type of reverse bid mereYou open One Club West bids your chances for game become ly to clarify your distribution 4 Three diamonds There are much more promising Partner’s One Spade North bids One and East passes What two diamond bid raises the value three bids to consider — three diof your hand several points He amonds three hearts and four would you bid now? 2 You open One Club West probably has from 10 to 16 hearts — and they all make bids One Spade North bids Two points but for the moment all sense You may not make four Diamonds and East passes you need do is mark time with hearts if partner’s raise is based two hearts planning to show on a dead minimum and that is What would you bid now? 3 You open One Club and your diamond support later It the chief objection to a direct should be noted that in this sefour heart bid North jumps to Two Notrump Three hearts would invite quence two hearts is not regardWhat would you bid now? ed as a reverse bid since it is the North to go on to four but the 4 You open One Club North effect of this bid would be that bids One Diamond you rebid cheapest bid you can make 3 Three hearts You bid three One Heart and North raises to you’d announce extra values Two Hearts What would you bid hearts mainly to warn partner without actually delineating them Three diamonds has the against notrump North is unlikenow? ly to have four hearts since he great virtue of not only indicating failed to respond with one heart extra values it also describes the Two clubs Game is unlikely but he may have bypassed that d nature of your hand since North probably has 8 or 9 points including a spade stopper One noirump might make very easily but two clubs is apt to be a safer spot Of course North may have 10 points and two spade stoppers but until he indicates such a holding you should not assume it You would be overstating your values if you bid two hearts This would constitute a reverse bid indicating upwards of 17 points By B JAY and STEVE BECKER King Features Syndicate depth FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE by Lynn Johnston CfhHTGO BOWLINS? WHRTDOVtoOMeflN I Cf N’T 30 BOWLINS?! 1 No-tru- 1 BEETLE BAILEY by Mort Walker three-suite- CHESS QUIZ by Shelby Lyman a b c d e f g h WHITE WINS THE QUEEN (OR MATES) Hint: Take your time 013 ‘IP93N I ‘UOIWOS Z 3uU3lB3Jm SOY' THAT COUH5E1N SALESMANSHIP BSALLV |