| Show OUR CHICAGO LETTER JUNIUS DEALS OUT atit SOME OF HIS STURDY THRUSTS may 18 1886 editor deseret news newa JOHN jofin A LOGANS BOOK wars and rumors of wars seems to be the topic which is in mouth at present the very air we breathe swells smells ot of dynamite the food we eat has a S taste of powder and the imons hookfi we w read are war and blood irom from cover to cover the fact is we have besuch had such a deluge of ef this war literature that even the ploughshares plough shares are guided by a kind of powderly adril driver er the bohemians Bohem ians and Po lo lacks who have never read a word of the classic tongue in which our warlike character is chronicled have taken up the military spirit and are exploding themselves in bombs and shotguns general logan has written his book it is said to be written in a dialect of the english langua language e and can be comprehended ended by english scholars after a short courna of study in Cho choctaw etaw an any man or woman who can certify that by he e or she has read this book a and can give proof that he or she un understands de stands it ought to be entitled to a pension and be exempt from future military service I 1 SPEAKING OF PENSIONS the literature of the late war has been enriched to a wonderful extent by the contribution of an alleged yankee soldier on the subject this mans name dame is fifer a rather musical cognomen but if there is music in his hs name there certainly certa laly isly is poetry in his soul the man has succeeded ceded in obtaining a ver very y respectable pension bension some say ay for flute playing 0 others A ers say for fighting and our present commissioner ammis was prosaic enough to demand an investigation of the wounds for which the pension was granted the ind indignant ignant mr fifer comes out in a two column manifesto vindicating himself and preaching the loftiest loft iest kind of spread eagle ism referring erring to the wounds mr fifer very poetically and very delicately mcailly suggests that part of his anatomy where these wounds are to be found he says 1 I believe no american soldier of your rant rank has learned better than yon both the pecuniary pecuniary iary and the political value of wounds before your pension of per month had been voted you by congress I 1 am told you yon had already acquired that rare trait ol of yours of always extending in greeting your wounded left hand should you ever challenge me to a comparison of sores with you I 1 beg you to remember in charity if not in fraternity and loyalty that my disfigurement figu rement from democratic rebel lead is not so conveniently located for purposes of exhibition as your own under these circumstances it would be the grossest indecency to ask mr fifer to exhibit his scars since they were evidently obtained in retreat or perhaps contracted while sitting on the bung end of a beer keg criticising criticizing critic ising mcclellan THE TAILOR VEW there is a story told of a young warrior from vermont who was presented with a or breastplate by his inamorata on the eve of his departure for t the he front she said it was to preserve his heart the warrior turned over the bronze and his best suit of regimentals to the ta tailor bior who happened to be an irishman the irish mechanic received no instructions as to what region 1 of the uniform th the plate was war to b be inserted reinserted acting on his own native intelligence he concluded that the afie most fitting place for it was in the riding breeches breech ep since from its shape it was manifestly intended for a comfortable seat on the morning of the famous bull run affair mr vermont donned his armoured ar un uniform i to his chagrin he found the plate where it a ought not to be but there was no time to make alte alterations alteration ratio ns he went to the front but very soon he was hurrying back again while maintaining an equipoise on his steed as it jumped a brook a half dozen balls hit the plate but glanced harmlessly aside he got safe back to ver moot mont I 1 his bis ladylove lady love he said that infernal irish tailor knew where mv heart wa was a better than myself 11 if mr fifer is is the hero of the tha plate he ought to come out boldly and avow it H he had plenty of comrades in those days BLOODY SHIRT REVIVED the reappearance appearance re of the aged and venerable jefferson davis upon tile the worlds stage once more is a veritable godsend god send to the bloody t shirt hirt papers persons who have read that lively poem nothing to wear will remember the engagement of miss flora floia she say to her wooer now stop dont you speak for this is a bargain you see which is perfectly binding on you but not binding on me here in the north we have the clamoring for pensions waving bloody shirts and trampling imaginary hordes of rebels but tire the moment mr davis opens his mouth the cry is raised that another war is at hand band the chicago tribune regrets that he was hot hanged drawn and quartered the most virulent enemy to the american name could not wish for more mr davis is censured because in his speeches recently he never dever once alluded to slavery why should be it was not dot for or against slavery he fought history has already determined the principle for which he fought if we did not have living evidences of the untruthfulness and hypocrisy rs presence in our oar midst of a million chinese coolies and a half million anarchistic socialists of tile the communist pattern the new york sun says but for slavery there would be no war vivar jaoquin miller says the hoodlum boysif boys of california resolved that were it not for youngsters there would be no schools hence the youngsters should strike and shorten the hours abolish grammer and spelling books and in fact do as yale has already done the poor old sun is getting fossilized it has a dispatcher in utan utah not much of a daniel is a good deal ot a danite there is too much ot of th the t logic in our journalism but for pure unadulterated patriotism of the goose island kind commend us to mr william penn nixon patriot pai riot poet pensioner poltroon and poly chemist chemi phe mist at in his paper a writer says if thi flit south rejects the forgive and foret get sentiment of the north if she is still belligerent and wants to try conclusions again there are ex soldiers and others who will leap to arms and the next time they wiil demonstrate that it is as easy to annihilate treason as ag it was to subdue it let every conservative ex sol dier read the speeches of davis and his fellow traitors and conclude whether he will longer be identified with the same party to which all these miscreants are devotedly attached the union soldiers blood is hot again and the southern traitors had better beware WHO SQUELCHED IT I 1 wonder where this fellow was the other day when the socialist red flag men were on the point of over awning the city of chicago it is easy to tell he was drink drinking ipg beer in a cellar while irish policemen and irish democrats headed by an american citizen native and to the manner born squelched anarchy and riot and walked over the bodies of dead and wounded comrades to scatter the red flag demons the miserable penny a liners who have been mimicking the accent and language of chicago policemen in their dirty r sheets beets were very glad to se fecek w refuge a few days ago 0 behind the coattails coat tails of one of of these same police even though he was an irish peeler carter harrison his has been traduced traducer trad maligned and abused as no man in america nas been and yet he has done with a few policemen what mother oglesby could not do with his bis militia but when we remember that carter H R harrison is a native of kentucky and no relative nor kinsman of the murrays or we could expect nothing else but bravery decision and firmness his police are mostly irish and celtic ossian says of the celt he went to the front and he fell what a pity the celt did not have a kentucky chieftain in Os time lime then he would not only fall but lie he would also conquer BURY BUBY WAR WAK MEMORIES the proper thing to do in the face of present circumstances would be to bury all war memories dy dynamism dyn amise namire all war monuments burn all war memoirs invite jeff davis to citizenship and establish a true america A GROTESQUE PROJECT in this age of absurdities and of paroxysmal of puritan morality and of socialistic extravagance of anarchistic violence and of christian torpidity perhaps no more amusing proposition p ro position has been made anywhere than that by a utah carpet bagg baig eress for congressional aid to establish a reformatory institution for the honest women of utah she would also desire the means of sending pending these hese utah women to eastern cities to be educated in useful employment the grotesqueness ot 0 this project projects to a chicago resident is so stupendous that it fairly causes him to say what next we who only a few days ago viewed thousands of girls and women parading our streets and marching arching in in semi organized amazonian order under banners of rather aggressive significance ance must really wonder at tre the imbecility of this old crone the meg merilles of utah Vander cookery in truth the condition of women in eastern cities is more to be lamented than that of woman in tire for far west As a house servant here she is lau laughed hed at and tyrannized over by isnor ant and upstart mistresses distresses mi stresses the comic papers picture her as an overgrown femal baboon and label her as bridget or paulina As a stenographer or typewriter she might be used for a time as a mere convenience As a shop girl her lot can be no better pictured than in the words bf the inter ocean may and embodied ena bodied in an editorial of the philanthropic style here it is such women keep their machines going 0 ing from morning tin till thousands of staches are talen taken tor for a penny great piles of rough clothing are made and the um sum total represented in the work is not enough enough to buy lood food for on eperson elVerson many ot the women do this sort TO work or drudgery drudge have fa milie i on their hands bands they work wor rz harder than scrub women and washer women and they get less than one fourth the pay if any utah woman desires to enter into active competition wita john chinaman or to be burlesqued in punk herper or let her come coine east by all means THE NEW GOVERNOR AND TRY THE OLD ONE very little speculation is andul indulged ed in as to the probable course ot of polity the new governor of utah will pursue it is universally stated that though a man never of wide notoriety yet he is one of good sense sound judgment and discriminating intelligence one thing is certain that he is possessed of perception enough to keep him out of the ridiculous position ion in which the late autocrat placed himself what john worley said of george III would apply to ell eli the first and last he was only a 11 dull man with a bad heart he did not understand himself and even if he did he be had not ability enough to govern a se section ct ion of railroad manned by john morle says there is nothing more fatal either in private life or in the larger affairs of ot state than for an incompetent man to grasp a principle of action that tharria is too big for him george III tried to play the good despot over the vast empire of britain with a capacity barely above the mark of a parish constable within ten years lie be brought england to the verp verge of revolution within 20 90 years he be dismembered mem hered the empire it is questionable tio whether ell has ability even for athe constables bip and as to his despotic leanings he would outdo even the crazy george if left alone still this man ought to have a place somewhere the distinguished patriot statesman and jurist mr Rut rutherford berford B hayes is now engaged in the pleasing and profitable employment of raising poultry for ohio markets this is an industry that offers advantages to proper hands bands there is no doubt but that eli would receive considerate treatment at the hands bands of his bis former patron and protector charge of a good chicken house bouse would not be beat at all a thing to be despised it is a field where moderate ability could distinguish itself ciesar caesar used to say it is better to be first in a little iberian village than second in rome borne 11 then ell eli would find it much grander to be king of fowl tenders than laug laughing hins stock of politicians and statesmen he might even then immortalize him himself suppose he be was the mans of developing a new breed of geese and give his name dame to the species A goose saved rome then why not a gander immortalize murray julijus jus |
