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Show THE THUNDERBIRD SUSC MONDAY, JANUARY 22, 1990 PAGE Get into some HEAVY BOWLING In through THE OUT DOOR COMMENTARY BY PHIL CHIDESTER ii., Phils phobia of fear festers the ROCK most powerful motivator known to man. The more and assertive of the species may contest this blunt point, but the fact of the matter is that everyone, at one time or another, has felt the little butterfly gymnastics in the stomach and has faced the sweaty palms and racing heartbeat that betray the presence of true fear. And no one has profited more from this nationwide phobia of phobias than the advertising empire. We are constantly bombarded with printed and televised reminders of the importance of social conformity; and we are always left with those nagging little questions, those anxious little thoughts that accent our fears like a highlighter pen: Do I smell bad? Are my panty lines showing? What if I dont eat Wheaties, and I blow the ball game tonight? Does my car need a new paint job? Do I eat enough oat bran? Advertisers everywhere play on these fears to great advantage, but m the process have traded big profits for something far more valuable: a universal sense of Sure, we still show our faces and a firm resolve into the to world, jaws thrusting square game everything we do; but deep inside, we remain a nation with a spine the consistency of cherry Jell-What can we do to reverse this deplorable trend? Most of us arent so far gone that we run screaming from airports and cower in cobwebbed corners at the thought of snakes; the majority of Americans take their phobias well in stride, and keep their reactions to a nervous twitch or two when their fears rear an ugly head. But modern psychology would suggest that confronting our anxieties is the first step in overcoming them; and so, in an effort to exorcise a few demons of my own, I now present my most private fears for your public enjoyment. Humor me, then, and play the psychiatrist for a few minutes while I kick back on the therapy couch and dredge my mental cesspool of the sludge that scares me the most. Im afraid the Village People will make a comeback. Im afraid SUSC will switch over to the semester system sometime in March, and Ill lose a whole mess of credits and have to go to school for another year and a half. Im afraid of Velcro (probably because I dont understand how it Fear is -- BOWL N- Friday, October 13 10 p.m. to 1 a.m. at the ALPINE BOWLING LANES proceed will go to CHATs spay and neuter program self-wort- o & 3 O o 2 will be convicted of drug trafficking and placed in an American prison. Hell be out on parole in six months, and more than likely will get a job dumping garbage in Cedar City. Im afraid the U.S. government will ban aerosol sprays to protect the ozone layer, and millions of girls everywhere will kill each other to get at the last few cans of styling spritz on supermarket shelves. Im afraid Manuel Noriega Looks lift o Biff LYNN G. CRANMER DERMATOLOGIST TUBS., WED., SUITE 900 586-64- Sounds Easy Q 3O o Monday Thursday Only Good Jan. 2225, 1990 Frtno An independently owned franchise of Sounds Easy EASY the New Student Center from 7 a.m. to 6:30 p.m. Open Daily in town Specials Breakfast Sandwich 99 ! Hot Homemade Soup 70 I Deluxe Char Broiled Cheeseburger, S Lg. Fries, and Lg. Fountain Drink H Best Deal in B B S B $1.95 January 22 thru February 4 tAr-"- 40 of THUNDERBIRD CIRCLE DINING Dernitclcy 150 ALTAMIRA AVE. independently owned franchise Sounds Easy, 568 South Main. Rent 2 movie for $54)0 and get the third movie for 'OJNOS THUR. SPECIALIZING IN DISEASES OF THE SKIN SKIN CANCER DERMABRASION FOR FACIAL SCARS ACNE SPIDER VEIN THERAPY movies ySounds Easy, 568 South Main. scores again! I graduate from a college or a university. Im afraid Michael Jackson will get bored and start sticking chunks of flesh back on his face. Im afraid Ill wake up one morning and have plaque, tartar, gingivitis, chronic arthritis, irregularity, lower back pain, a sore throat, a migraine, chapped skin, dandruff, a nagging cough, plugged sinuses, nerve deafness, hemorrhoids, morning breath, impaired vision, and a bladder control problem all at the same time. Sorry for occupying your precious time with such a selfish pursuit, but I really do feel better for having finally thrust these gems of secrecy into the limelight. The first step was to accept my fears and write them down; now I have a list, and I can approach my anxieties cautiously and take them out one at a time, before they wreak complete havoc with my life. If only we could all stop and take such an account of our collective existence as Americans; if only we could burn from our collective soul the fears that prevent world peace and a true global understanding: but I guess that would require a little more cooperation than most of us are willing to offer right now. And besides, wed need a really big sheet of paper! By the way, does anybody know what the old members of the Village People are doing right now? Does anybody know where I can find them? Does anybody have a used rifle I can buy real cheap? An & flat-haire- d 2 for only $54)0 Monday Thursday Only Good Jan. 22 25, 1990 . works). Im afraid too many employers out there really do care whether Rent a VCR and 8 E 5 |