Show - a Volume t iM Know— Bateman Winn Win Hite Clothes Furnish Candles To add to the atmosphere Librarian Davies is having his staff library appear for evening work attired in nightgowns and nightcaps They too will be required to carry candles A call service is being inaugurated to accommodate sleepy students and minimize the use of alarm clocks Special courses in braille are being planned by the language department for next year the idea being 'to develop a more sensative touch among students thus minimizing the commotion that results from feeling along the walls for books This plan also has the potentiality of bringing into use books printed in braille for night use In the library The is being equipped with a double set of sirens to avoid collisions “blue-race- r" AWS Invites Parents To Coed Celebration With the mailing of 1200 invitations to parents of Aggies preparations for the annual coed day scheduled for May 8 are nearing completion according to Barbara Fitzgerald general chairman of events In keeping with the coed theme and defense activities all girls will wear their gingham dresses to school on this day Fitzgerald announces Hitler will appear on the Aggie campus at 11 am during assembly and it is the hope of the AWS council that the entire student body will cooperate and' blackout the 'German Fuehrer before 5 pm ” His Heart - as Sam-owi- Enrollment in regular college work at Utah State for spring e quarter reached an high of 15716 students William Bell ollege registrar announced this week at the completion of registration activities Mr Beil was jubilant when he rnnouuced that in only one case was he able to find a compari-o- n that did not correspond favorably to marks established in jrevious years “This year only wo fellows are enrolled in the school of home economics where-i- s in 1927 there were theree” Mr Bell said regretfully When President E G Peter-lo- n heard the news he dismissed era for the day called in Stan Caine Cops Title Of Lambda Row ‘Sugar Plumb KiW DON'T T El? u ley (Little Ceaser) Andersen (Bee-Be- e Eyes) Pickett Samuel Bailey Marvin (Jingle) Bell and the rest of the campus news hot shots and demanded that as of today they should write of nothing but spring yuarter registration for one month “This bit of news warrants publication in the New York Times the Chithe Atlantic cago Tribune Monthly the Utah Farmer the Cache American and Scribble” President Peterson said "and I mean to see that we get it” Registrar Bell attributes the phenomenal rise In enrollment to the announcemtn of a new course in “Shain-Stor- e Cost Accounting” to be taught by ParPeterson P ley Cal-de- Pie Eccles Caine junior student in fathercraft was elected Sugar Plum Pie of Lambda Row in thrilling elections held Wednesday night in the Cactus Club Other candidates for this included: Ephriam Rosen- wh0 was baed Jim O’Toole Johnson and Captain by backed by GenRalph P Waf-evieve Johnson The election contest was hot and furious and several hairpulling contests occurred before the final results were announced were announced When they Ineda Hickman leaped to her feet and cried “The Pi Kaps have stuffed the ballot box” Hickman was downed by a flying beer bottle Fred Imhof last year's Lambda Row Sugar Plum Pie was on hand to congratulate his successor Caine wearing a beautiful beige blouse and a silly smirk is quoted as saying “This is the most thrilling moment of my life I think I’m going to swoon!” And he did Blue Key Has Blues After Bidding Drips tz UP? THEY SW SO AND (IFTER ALL THEY Plans to scrap the public ad-- I dress system of the college gift of the class of 1939 were temporarily set aside this week when word was received that Marion Musser whose services were being enlisted for this purpose had been stricken with a serious case of laryngitis “We’ll have to wait until Mus-- I ser has recuperated before we can go ahead as scheduled” Wayne Morgan student body president announced concerning the new move “The matter has been under consideration by the student council for the past few weeks It was the consensus of opinion that with someone with such phenomenal lung capacity on the campus it was a needless waste of electricity and downright unpatriotic to use the p a system for announcements election but faculty adviser V D Gardner suggested a survey be conducted on campus to deter- -' mine whether anyone approached Musser’s capabilities The survey failed however to unearth so likely a candidate as Musser who will take over her new duties as campus announcer (without benefit of amplification) immediately upon her recovery from laryngitis - Blue Key the national inefficient fraternity of the school of unknowns chose it3 new members at a meeting held at the Cactus Club Sunday The new members were chosen for their ability to loaf in the halls polish apples with their teachers and for their consistent low scholarship New projects were discussed that would benefit the WPA workers of the country Abandonment of picks and the use of only padded shovels was suggested It was hoped to find longer and slower burning cigarettes This worthy project was to be investigated by the honorable J T (He’s engaged gals) Abbott Mr Abbott plans to go to Malad to the investigate matter It is hoped that conditions will be favorable for this report 5 1942 Number 26 Aggies Pitch E G : Petrov) ‘ Jya want kid? Vera: (Points inside) Him E G: (Looking out door) What the heck kept you so ' long? - Lambda Cry Sweeps Corners In Mass Pledging Sunday coming? Local Greeks were astounded this week when Lambda Cry local fraternity for unwanted students of the campus suddenthe pledging of ly announced 163 new' members which record 'rivals only that of Phi Kappa Alpha The news was revealed by Elaine Stringham and Bill Hodgeson presidents-eleThe gala event took place at Mitch and Sally’s and was concluded to be the largest formal affair of the year The members were conducted thru the ceremony with undue celebration The usual rik a ma role of no refreshments and game® were indulged in and the affair was one never to be forgotten for the Honored speakers mournrul event were the well known and highly appraised Craine Liften president of me Nevada local chapter of I Tappa Kegga G C Rockwood national president and Dr Boy C Hayburn president of I Fclta Thi New York local These men are national fraternity representatives who are here for the sole mission of converting our local chapter of Lambda Chi to national membership The party convened at 3:00 a m and members were escorted home by the local police with a little help from residents of Logan city Russian Riter Reveals Riotus Realities Bell: Well confidentially chief not so good Nobody Delving into the dusty archives of the USAC library King HenLes Pocock I ain’t sending out enough pucoming guess dricks professor of English and ardent student of the Russian blicity ' novel this week uncovered an E G: Less students? This' has got to stop All I unknown work of the famous Russian playwright Branisalus gay is git ’em git ’em Petrovitch Petrov E G: Hmmmm Maybe Romney ain't giving ’em Student Life reporters on hand for the account secured a scoop enough inoney Get Romney on the release and are herewith Vera: Okay Boss (Buzzes bell for Romney) presenting the initial translation of the play by the noted Rusenters two followed (Romney by gentlemen known sian who was a contemporary of Ivan the Terrible and Ivan as Deb Young and Marvin Bell) n Skavinsky Skavar Dick: Hi Pal Say Egg I just met a fine boy fine Cossack musician and lyric poet A forerunner of Linen famous boy a great ball player named Putnk' Whaddya think Irish politician who rose to power about sixty bucks more a month? in the Ukraine section and was of the position pushed into Marvin: Yeah bucks ' Comissar of the USSAR by a ' landslide Tartar vote in 1821 Dick: Shut up son Whaddya say Egg? Petrov laid the foundation for E G : I don’t know Say how about this Kent Ryan? the Communist party in the early 1560’s Where’s he? Ain’t he here any more? Petrov spent the greater part Dick: Well er-a- h no He graduated of his life as a doorknob polisher E G: Good Gad Now that was a man Brought a in the palace of Ivan the Terrible and wrote his plays in the baselot of students here ment of the Kremlin on pink Marvin: Yeah students butcher paper Dick: Shut up Son You're just stooging for me Of especial interest to Utah State students is news that a Marvin: Okay Boss just you direct descendant of the renown(Lamar Mackay enters) ed writer is no registered in the School of Forestry He is StanMackay: Say Mr Bell how about this registration 'Bell: (Memorizing) Well young man you may say that registration has arisen a great deal this quarter of course no figures yet however We can say though that compared to last year figures at this hour are one-ha- lf of a percent higher ’’ Mackay: Okay (Turns to Romney) Hello Coach How about this trip to San Jose next fall? Dick: Well son I believe that it will be easy to arrange easy easy you’re a fine boy give me a lot of fine publicity Mackay: Okay Coach See you in San Jose (Leaves) (Major Blair grabs Mackay’s arm as the youthful journalist departs) Blair: Well another twenty-yea- r old Glad Jo see you When do you leave to fight the Japs? Have you got a girl friend to leave behind? Poor lad Should have tried for my advanced military You know son more buck privates get killed than any other soldiers in wars? Do you know that? My but you’re in good physical condition too Wrestle don’t you? Well you can wrestle a few Japs (Turns to E G as Mackay leaves)' Hello President Just got the advanced military quota raised to three hundred You know Egg we ought to make military the only training available on this campus Don’t you think so? Vera: Why that’s simply outrageous What will wo- men do? - Blair: Well so many men will get killed in this war there’ll be no need for any women I can’t see how this war can possibly last less than ten years (Bemtson enters He is waving his arms around in the air and supposedly singing) Russ: Oh give me a home where the buffalo roam ladeda ladeda ladedaaa Where seldom is heard a discouraging word and the skies are not ladadada Hello Egg Howsa kid? (Slaps E G on Grave-Robb- er into this act anyway? Marvin: Yeah This office is getting pretty crowded (Alma Esplin and George Caine enter loudly arguing) Esplin I still say it oughta be a sheep college for a long time now and nobody's objected but you and the University of Utah Marvin : Yeah Utah Last year we scored more touchdowns on Utah than anybody in the conference Caine: Yeah that’s right AI Esplin: Well what of it? Still say it oughta be a sheep college E G Say did Dick say that that Kent Ryan graduated? V era: Yeah -- E G: Oh Dick: I sure could use him in the backfield next year Maybe quarterback Need a fine boy there Marvin Yeah quarterback Library islaus Petrovitch Petrov employed at present in the college publicity office College officials report that he was an invaluable aid in translation of the epic from its original Newshawk Uncovers Junior Garb Graft One of the biggest graft scandals in the history of the school involving the more than $50000 what members of the junior class were to have paid during the next few months in the purchase of their class jackets was uncovered last week by Milton R Merrill “Student Life” news reporter Merrill after doing a crafty bit of spying in Secretary Berntson's office and into the private affairs of sweater committee chairman Arch Richards made announcement of the huge scandal in the columns of “Chips” Utah State’s leading campus daily Accompany ing the scandalous yarn were pictures of the contract between Richards and Bernston concerning the division of the spoils and of Bernston caught as he was escaping with the first cash first verified his suspicions when from a prominent Utah clothing factory he learned that the actual costs of the sweat era was only $6 per sweater Richards had been selling them at $2350 plus sales tax income tax outgo tax inheritance tax amusement tax excise tax incise tax production tax consumption tax excess profits tax and personal property tax all of which were “for national defense” Richards stated Total sweater costs have been around $50 varying in the same degree as the purchaser’s friendship with either Bemtson or Richards According to Merrill’s findings Richards inaugurated the plan for his personal profit but was forced to cut Bernston in on a three-tw- o basis in favor of Bernston when the later discovered the plot Both have been inprison ed in the guard house in the Military Science building to await their trial and expected confinement to the famous Cornish Prison in Northern Cache Valley hot-sh- ot entertainment This whole program has been heartily endorsed by such prominent people as Dean Hendricks and Dr' Romney The main objector is that religious fanatic Moyle Q Rice and those Bible boys the Pi Kappa Alphas However as long as no one of any more importance than these the remodeling people object will proceed as scheduled Rice Says Uh Uh To Obscene Lass ct ' story? Of ing’s ‘ Bell: Well there was a registration line out in the hall and I tried to get through and some kid they called Imhof told me to quit trying to crowd in E G: Stop trying to make excuses How is I’egistra-tio- n Woo Lounges President Peterson has donated a special fund for a bar to be installed at the southern end of the floor and Dr Frandsen who has had past experience will be the official bar tender All the books which are now decorating the walls of the library will be replaced by the students’ choice Esquire and other educational magazines such as True Story and What Every Young Girl Should Know Because of their willingness to cooperate in saving electricity the students have consented to dance in total darkness The upstairs offices will be changed into wooing lounges to save on car tires The regular teachers will be there to receive Donations will be gathered in Professors Hansen’s hat for any doctor bills that may result from the even- Act One (Poking his head out of door of inner office) ’ " 'Get Bell j Vera: Yassuh Boss (Buzzes bell for Bell) ' ' Bell: (Bouncing through door turns to Vera) Whad- - In Because of lack of funds to improve the lighting system in the library the idea has been done away with entirely and the reading room will be turned to the student body for nightly dances r v and worthOther valuable while projects discussed were in them cokes coke with getting at the campus Bluebird providing chairs and sofas for the comfort of the people waiting in line at the cafeteria and to back) bring fair and warmer weather Vera: Hello Scrooge Gypping every day to the USAC campus the students today are you? Among the campus undesirKush: That’s TwoJGun ables wearing the "Blue key of (Leers at her) right — Experience and I do mean ExE G: How do our revenues perience” are: Burns (Electricstack up this term Cowboy? g Crookston Russ Just a matter of bookity) Don (another PI Kap pledge) keeping Egg (Lightly) (then to to Registrar Bell) Bowen Charles Well hello (nothing Uriah Heep Lots of students toRoy (pubKelly something) Caidlicity hound) Humphreys day? er (He writes plays) Pickett You Bell: (Sourly) oughta Bert Pi Kap' know (still ' another and Evan Caseman pledge' Young: iTurning to Marv Bell) (Don Juan) Iverson Say how many more are coming ' les 194 This epic takes place' in the modern and sumptuous outer office of President E 6' Peterson head of Utah State Agricultural College Miss Carlson girl Friday to the prexy sits in the office the greater part of the play Action also takes place other places CAST OF CHARACTERS: President E G Peterson Vera Carlson Registrar W H Bell C Lester Pocock E L (Dick) Romney Delbert Young Marvin Bell LaMar Mackaq Chis Leston Russell E Bemtson Alma Esplin George Caine Major Ben B Blair Harry Parker Wayne Morgan Frederick Imhof Cannon Parkinson That Yost f Billy Russell For Broadcasting Pickett Pins Chip £ri JoBeth To (A Play by Branislaus Petrovitch -- Her Voice MosePicks-Of- f Caider Pickett famed rogue of the campus byways was found dead early this morning at the entrance to the Forestry building A large woody chip was pinned by a knife to his heart Shortly after word of the coluassination mnist's untimely his college spread over the financee Peggy Bennion learned Activities of Coed ’day are event of the said and dully under the general direction of 'Well the boys finally got him’’ the AWS officers: Anne Ryan "I to tried the them” stop president Jean Olsen vice presiyoung Foresters’ queen cried dent and Secretary Fitzgerald to that’s “But the had be it way Committees in charge of special I guess it was just in the cards events are: letters to parents did them wrong” Merle Mecham at HePickett's registration position when he was 9:30 am Spurs and Elizabeth found by a smudged national Call corsages for mothers Jean trainee defense who was on his Crawford assembly at 11 am way to the 5 am shift was Rae Scott and Joyce Adney such as to indicate that he had military revue at 1 pm Cora M met foul play It was apparent Thorell fashion show at 2 pm that death had come from a Bertha Johnson Frances Johnblow at the base of the skull and son Anne Ryan Marjorie Paulthat the dagger had been insertson and Carmen Croft tea mem-bered later of Phi Upsilon Omicron Police suspect that Mose Coed dance Katheryn Stanford noted - Chicago red did Ruth Worlton and Jean Chrisdeed His motive tensen and Coed edition of the dastardly they said was no doubt malice Student Life Ineda Hickman statements certain concerning and Gwen Hunsaker made by the victim in a syanidi-cate- d column called “Howdle-DovdlL Sadler whose first Attention Students nr me could not be obtained is YOUNG ofso under suspicion MEN OF UTAH In several sectors of campus STATE ARE URGED TO READ THE ADVERTISEsociety the loss of the writer was MENT OF THE UNITED greatly mourned Associates of his paper staff however comSTATES ARMY RUN OS mented “He was going - to be PAGE 3 OF TODAY'S STUdrafted next month DENT LIFE CALLING FOR anyway" Funeral arrangements are being MEN TO JOIN THE ARMED arranged by employees of the FORCES OF THE NATION Milwaukee Beer Company in this district BEGISTR1ITIDN Musser Volunteers Efforts were - made to push the proposal into effect before - Mnm Radkafc RmaAis Ramapaiait ICewanee Sailor Sails On Through Utah State came away with its first athletic championship of the year this week when three artists drubbed Aggie table-to- p a spasmodic Utah university ping pong team in the division finals Eighteen spectators gasping crowded into the Ag ping pong in the gym pien’s dressing room of the Smart ' glmnasium to watch the hectic championshop matches where Lathael Winn and Dick Bateman a diminutive who paoir of racquet-wieldecrawled all over the table dumped Utah’s vaunted number one team in straight love sets In the singles fight an un identified sailor from Kewanee Illinois who represented the Farmers had a tougher time destubborn a contender Ute posing but emerged victorious after the two of them ran the score to 113 to 111 While the walkaway doubles match was being played a bystander a PI Kap from the uni- -' verslty in fact got excited and snatched a “floater” ball from the air above the table considerably disrupting the play He was tossed out of the gym and though considerably shaken up immediately rushed t bthe student voting polls where Fred Irahoff questioned his right to vote The innocent cities finally was exonerated of any foul play and dusted off fhen the misunderstanding was made clear But back to the ping pong playoff Another spectator create a mrfltliensation when she fainted from the steam issuing from the showers nearby and fell across a bard flat serve coming off an Aggie paddle Sixteen onlookers finished the match successfully however The Utah ping pong coach considerably disgruntled over the results of play stated “The net was higher than it should have been That’s all there is to io and that’s all there is to it” A N Sorenson appointed ping pong coach by the athletic council of which he is a member was jubilant over the results “Who says this Ike Armstrong is invincible!" he exulted "We beat ’em that’s all there is we beat ’em" - aim Ik® Am’tt IiwmdiM® Wear rw- Wi?®on IB© What D’ya tssirs- 6 n STUDENT LIES LOGAN UTAH MAY Twenty-nin- e Librarians u-de- ir'S“e y frsptn Viaspf'arrJ e Present Ten years of crusading on the part of Blue Key Intercollegiate Life” and “Student - Knights ji) other inauspicious campus groups-vwas climaxed this week with the announcement President by Elmer G Peterson that henceforth candles will be checked out at the loan desk along with i books for evening study 7' “The final campaign for bet-- 5 ter lighting in the library that 7 has just been completed by Blue Key convinces us that lighting in the library is grossly insuf-- I ficient" President Peterson said "For that reason we plan to issue ' candles with each book or ma- gazine furnishing also cigarette lighters to light the candles" i " —- Sigs-P- Craps Form i Alliance For Brawl 1 at the Sig meetings a was drawn up signed sealplan ed and delivered whereby the two most friendly fraternities will bold their spring formals together in honor of the grtat brotherly love felt by the two social clubs A heated discussion was held social chairmen by the two Beebe Bull” "Little Eyes” Crawford and “I’ll Take Mine as to where Sorenson Straight” the tormal should be held— the No Arcade or Cactus Club agreement could be reached but due to the proximity of the Cactus Club and the Glass House the C C is favored to win The good neighbor policy was further carired out by plans for the approaching class elections They will divide the four class presidents evenly between the two A campaign “a la extraordinaire” will be carried out to a finis founded upon the noble policy of "We’ll get our men in at all costs” Monday Chi’s and evening Pi Kap’s ' Professor Moyle Q Rice began action to have one of his woman students whose name he would not divulge expelled from school for the use of - obscene language in an English composition “The girl persisted in using obscenities throughout the composition Not once not twice but three times she used the horrible expression “Those damn Japs” Professor Rice stated The incident was brought up before the faculty recently and was assigned to a special committee for study The outcome of tiie action is pending a report from the committee but Professor Rice was confident that his recommendation would be carried out "It is positively nauseating” continued Professor Rice “That such language should be used around a group of college students Young people of that age are in the most impressional stage of their life To hear or read such material would have a profound effect upon them which might even place a blight upon them for life “And not only that she spelled “damn” without an “n” on the end of it Spurts Enjoy Eve Frolic At Bon-Fir- e as “A” day was the party of the Spurts drunkard and misuse of College Traditional Bon-fir- e standards held organization Tuesday night on the quad foresters and Twenty hurley as many sailors and marines that could get out of studying were their dishonored guests During the entire evening they formed e a square around the to keep the heat from putting it out" Frozen apples potatoe chips and ice cream were served and the evening was spent in playing fox and geese praand making cticing blackouts snow men Elizabeth Kali and Elaine Sting-Hawere charged with the arrangements of the evena As to the evendownfall ing ing the disorganized bunch voted to have a bonfire party preceeding “A” day every year providing the weather permits bon-fir- post-offi- m t 5 UDE S IT PR ES PETE LEftDS OUT WITH SNOOKER Utah State will discontinue all work next week to celebrate the opening of the new $22000000 Union Building President Elmer G Petersen announced today According to President Peterson President Roosevelt signed the bill after it hard been passed unanimously by the House of Representatives and the senate for the appropriation of $30000-00- 0 for the building and upkeep of a Union Building on the Utah State campus The faculty proudly announces that the student law of “No Smoking” has been petitined out and that the new building will be furnished with all smoking facilities Faculty members will be free tq smoke any place they desire in the new building How school ever students will still be confined to more refined areas such as the ladies and men's lounges Thebuilding is fully equipped with pool tables lottery games slot machines juie boxes card tables and padded space for ctap games There will be a special check room at the street entrance where all students are required to check all text books if they care to enter the building for a few minutes of relaxation during school horns All students are ged to use the new building at all houre of the day and night desire they “There ain’t no sense of a havin' this here new buildin’ if were a nota gonna use it a lot” President Peterson told the students in the special assembly yesterday ra |