Show THE MAGPIE 16 PERE GUILAUME— CHEMIST “You are lit Father William” the young man TOUJOURS LA FEMME A girl will listen to a parlor story If it is nice she is bored by it If If If If it is snappy she is amused with it it is spicy she is content with it it is rare she will laugh at it its raw she will repeat it — Punch Bowl STAMPED WITH SUCCESS “How much postage will this require?” asked the young author “Two cents” answered the P 0 clerk “It’s first class matter” said Though perhaps in the morn you’ll regret it But the thing I should really be pleased to find out Is — where did you manage to get it?” “Youw would like to find out” the old codger replied “Just how I am able to do it? The process itself is as simple as sin — I set up a still and I brew it! “In the days of my youth” Father William went on “I studied at Chemistry’s forces — But the profs and myself could never agree And I flunked every one of my courses “Yet the facts which I learned and retained in my dome Before I was asked to leave college Enabled me now to evade the dry laws Because of superior knowledge “So every young man” the old sinner raved on “Should take as much Chem as lie’s able — Then with stove and some old garden He can drink himself under the table” tea-kett- le “Oh thank you sir”— Brown Jug —Pelican GIVE THEM A CHANCE He: Why do women speak less in any other month? She: Why? He: Because it hasn’t so many days February than in — Panther “There’s nothing new under the son” sighed the fond mother as she sewed another patch upon the pants of her offspring— Widow hose |