OCR Text |
Show ly'ULTURE iV ORNER CAROL GUBER THE GAG BAG When the white man discovered this country, the Indians were Well, fellow students, I find running it. There were no taxes, myself in a rather elated mood to- there was no The women did day due to the fact that I re- all the work..debt. And the white men ceived another letter from my kid brother (the sec- thought they could improve, on a ! ond one Ive gotten from him in system like that six months) and I find out that it is all right or me to go ahead and " The proud father had received Hazel write this column and continue the following telegram: to birth a little gave girl last my black sheep tendencies or blotBoth doing well. ting out the family name forever night. to the telegram was a Attached from the fields of higher journalism. You see, the little brother little sticker, When you want a has now entered the journalistic boy, call Western Union. world and writes for the homeAn Englishman boasted that he town high school paper. He didnt exactly say why only that hes had been mistaken for a member trying to straighten out the fam- of the Royal family. A Scotsman, hearing him, reily name. Just because I spent two years on the staff of the high plied that he had been addressed school paper, bringing glory, as the Duke of Argyll. fame and well, anyhow, its no Whereupon an Irishman said reason to say such a thingr that he had been taken for a far what for sued Im be I may greater person than either, for as about to print (per usual) as it he was walking along the street is not original. It was written by one day, a friend came up to him, a former classmate of mine and exclaiming: Holy Moses! Is that ' printed in the alma maters pa- you! It seems to be quite fitting per1. An old cockney was asked if he now that midterms are again cutconwas time not scared when a bad blitz down our partying ting No, guvnor, was the siderably, so here (with apologies was on. ShakeI all to Shakespeare and cant say as I was. Yer reply. see, I counted me chances. Jerry speare students) is the : well, he d got to cross the chanSTUDENTS SOLILOQUY nel; that wasnt too easy for dm. BEFORE EXAhlS Then hed got to get by the coast. To flunk, or not to flunk ; that is Then comes the Thames estuary. the question : Then comes London well, he Whether tis nobler in the mind to couldnt miss that; but then hes to suffer got' to find ammersmith, then The ins and outs of most' out- Acacia road, then No. 87, and rageous subjects, then most likely Id be at the Or to take means against a sea of pub. troubles. And by just flunking, end them. To grunt and sweat in a detested To flunk, to sweat lab, No more: and by a flunk to say But that the fear of something in we end a quiz, The reach and the thousand lousy The tricky question in whose murtests ky depths That students palt at: tis a con- No soph can see, ouzzles the summation , weary will Devoutly to be wished. To flunk And makes us rather bear the subto go jects we have To work perchance on a farm; Than fly to others that we know ay, theres the rub! not of? For in that working what dread Thus chemistry doth make cowthings may come When we have shuffled to the ards of us all; And thusjhe native hue of a solonely soil. Must make us pause; theres the lution makes that Is sicklied oer with the pale cost pause Coca-Cola life. A refresh our of a bunsen. For who would bear the whips Transformers of a great voltage and scorns of school and full strength The teachers wrong, the 3 point With this regard their current students contumely. turns awry, the And lose the name of power The pangs of seven clocks delay Coft you now, The insolence, of freshman and the The fine Professor Day! Sir, in crumb this class book e Who in a quiz hits off a ninety-fivBe all my sins forgiven. ever-faithf- ul , Ds, With knowledge which he stole from our pomes With shameless glances! Who would fardels bear, Ive always been a sucker for parodies. Thats all I have room for, so goodbe and good'luck on your midterms! Lord give us grace to catch a fish So large that even I ' When telling of it afterwards May never need to lie. Up stepped a scrawney, pasty-face-d little man. Taking the lemon in one hand, he extracted a Doctor (beside man lying in bed) : Mrs. Brown, I am very sorry to have to tell you this, but John is dead. John: I am not! Mrs. Brown: Lie down, John, the doctor knows best. -- tablespoohful of juice. Who in the world are you! asked the strong man. Me? Im a tax collector. Wife: You cant make a silk purse out of a sows ear. Husband: No, but a woman can get a mink coat out of an old goat. Happy Thotught The constituent chemicals of your body, once valued at only 98 cents, are now worth $31.01 at current prices. Let Henry Do It HENRYS t The strong man at the fair made a mighty show of muscle as he squeezed juice from a lemon. Then he Shouted: Ill give five dollars to any man who can get another drop of juice out of this BARBER SHOP For the Best Cui lemon! in Town JfliinnininiiiinBiiunuiiumraniimiiiimDninmniinimnn!ii I 51 Harwood's SOUTHEAST JEWELRY For GROCERIES I , i and SCHOOL SUPPLIES PAUL E. FANKHAUSER Swiss Watchmaker MAGAZINES I I P5 1109 East 21st South 21st SOUTH AND 13th EAST E niiiimiinmiiiiiniiniiiiniiiinninmmmnnimmmnmiiiiimir ' m EXPERT CLEANING AND PRESSING ' DEPENDABLE LAUNDRY SERVICE Reasonable Rates One Day Shirt Service O BEFORE YOU BUY, COME SEE US PROFESSIONAL CLEANERS $100, plus 1647 South 11th East Dial fed. tax White or yellow gold 92 p iti BUDS "VESTEE" by GAYLORD Aden s Duds 2124 Highland Drive Sugar House Where your business is appreciated Priced at $5.95 and up i . |