Show tto site mul nui jia jin A stude i in want of mon mone sold bold his books and wrote homes homei father fathe ice for I 1 new derive my sn support 1 part from me literature I 1 i re 11 I 1 1 sir sald bald A arco nerce neree lawyer do you on your solemn oath swear that this Is not your handwriting 1 11 I reckon not was the cool reply does it resemble resemble your youn writing yes sir I 1 think it dont do you swear that li 11 dont resemble your writing VI well weil I 1 do old head you take your solemn oath that thia this writing does not resemble yours in a single letter yes Y e s sir sirl now how do you knowl know louse cause I 1 carli cant write wiste A writer in the furmer farmer and aud planter says when I 1 lived among the tho choctaw indians I 1 held a consultation with one e of their respectable chiefs respecting the successive stages of their progress in the arts and virtues of civilized life and among other things he informed me at their first start they fell into a mistake m they only sent their boys to school they became intelligent men but they married maralea uneducated and uncivilized wives and the result was that the children were all ail like the mother and soon the father lost his bis interest in both wife and children band and now said he if lawe we could educate only one class of our children wo we should choose the girls giris for when they become mothers they aou would L d educate their sons A widow named janet murdock who some time since resided in the south of scotland kept a cow which suddenly became very unwell on day when the minister of the parish called to see janet she mentioned the circumstance to him and asked him to go and see the cow but the minister declined doing so remarking ra g that the disease of animals was what he was entirely unacquainted with janet however still seemed very anxious that the minister should see the tile cow and heat he at length consented after looking at ifer her a few minutes minute he said well sjanet janet the cowls cow Is certainly very ill lii and all tha thau that I 1 can say about it Is if she lives she lives and if she dies she dies some time after this the minister was seriously lii ill lii and janet on hearing of it called at phe the he manse to see him she was told that he was su frering suffering from quinsy and was so unwell that she could not be allowed to see him janet however not being disposed to take no fon for an answer was at length admitted into his room she looked at him for ron fora fona a few minutes very thoughtfully and on turning to go away she said he Is very ili ill if he lives he lives and if he hei dies he dies although the affection af his hig throat prevented the minister from speaking yet he heard every word that janet said and the circumstance of seeing her cow instantly recurred to his decol lection which caused so hearty a laugh as to break the gathering in his throat he consequently soon recovered and lived iong long afterwards to tell the joke pompey romney says lie he once worked for a man who raised his lits wages so high that he could only reach them once in two years yeara the young married couple who thought they could live on love lave and moonlight rind find there is some virtue in baked It aters baters ta fon for taking the romance out of young marriage is nearly as bad as a lawsuit 1 I have lost my ag appetite etitel said a gigantic irish gentleman an em eminent nent performer on the trenchers to mark marr supple chope said su supple no poor man lias has to found u nd it for it bourd would ruin him in a week dr franklin was once endeavoring to kill a turkey by an electric shock when he received the whole force of the battery himsel ft recovering he good remarked that instead of killing a turkey he had bad nearly put an en end d to a goose sarah dear said a waggish hus husband band baud to his hf wife it if I 1 were in your place I 1 keep that babe BO so full of butter as you do butter my dear dearl I 1 never give it any butter no bu but t you pou poured rod red about a quart of milk down it this afternoon and then trotted it on the knee for nearly two hours if it dont contain a quantity of butter it for the want of churning nir sir plunkett while plea piea pleading dirig one day observing the hour to be late said mid it was his wish to proceed with tue the trial if if the jury would set bet sit git set sir 11 said the judge correcting him not set hens set 1 I thank you my lord was the reply shortly after the jit jio judge uee had occasion to observe c that if such were the case he feared the action would not mayi lie my lord sald gald the barrister not lay hens lay 11 dhere there the xe are some members of a community said the sagacious and witty thomas bradbury that are like a crumb in the throat if they go the rl right lit way they afford little nourishment Ish ment metat but inthey if they happen to go the wron wrong way they give a great deal of trouble I 1 1 I stand said a western stump orator on the broad platform of the arl principles nelvies of 98 and palsied be mine arm if I 1 desert mill m you stand on nothing of the kind interrupted a little shoemaker in the crowd you stand in my boots that you never paid me for and I 1 want the money 1 losing a cow for the sake of a cat Is the chinese interpretation of going to law some people turn up theli their noses at 1 ahls world as if they were in the habit of keeping company with a better colonel B who was being accosted by a man to whom he owed money with a how dye doil doll do answered prett pretty 71 well I 1 thank you you find I 1 hold my own yes sir I 1 rejoined the man mang and mine mino too to my ay 7 so sorrow rr ow in an action tried I 1 lately in which the plaintiff una and defendant were weyer both tailors the counsel said it was a lamentable thing to see two tailors in the same game suit probably the learned counsel inferred that going to law they hey would ultimately have but one suit between t them wo vo beg heg to state that the proverb lightly come lightly go does dots not apply to the gout nor to ones mother in law nor to tor the rheumatism nor to freckles llor nor to a light sovereign for kil ill all nil these plagues come 11 lightly fitly enough and yet there Is the greatest difficulty sometimes in getting them to go f punch it is related that an old negro who was wag generally hired out to different masters was once asked by a white whito gentleman to what church lie belonged to this interrogatory he thus responded when I 1 Is hired out to a maxter master masten dat Is a presbyterian I 1 Is a presbyterian when I 1 la is hired out to a master dat isk is rt I 1 la Is a when I 1 is hired out to 0 master dat is a united Dr Br eneren eferen I 1 isa is a united d bretheren Bret Bre teren cren de fact te Is I 1 ja is whatever hion rn nr is |